Poor Folks Noms- The Taco Bucket.

Hi loves. I’m doing a new thing, I’ve wanted to start posting some of my recipes and stuff but I was feeling shy.

I’m hopped up on dayquil so let’s go.

This series is a lot about being satiated, poor, and having leftovers.

SO what is a taco bucket?

Taco bucket came about by me buying way more ground beef than I needed at one point. It was on clearance and good meat but I HAD to cook it all. Also, I had a bunch of leftover stuff and taco stuff.

You need protein. You can use whatever you want. Tofu, ground beef, leftover chicken is great for this. If you catch some sale rotisserie chicken it is good and you can use the carcass for soup.

You also need seasonongs. I will use a part of a taco seasoning packet and then other spices. I like to use a lot of fresh garlic, either whole cloves or mince. Also, a word. A LOT of pro chefs and TV chefs shit on things like pre peeled/prepped garlic. Fuck that. It is ableist. Real talk, That takes a lot of energy to prep and sometimes the extra dollar you pay for some of the work to be done for you is worth it. Personally, I rely heavily on those because I don’t have space for a lot of prep nor do I have steady enough hands for fancy knife work.

Remember all ingrediants are optional and this is just a jumping off point not a whole ass recipe. Adjust to your needs.

Other seasonings I will use: (affiliate links to amazon ahead, not the best prices but Auntie likes to make some coins)

La Costena Whole Jalepenos. I always get the kind that has carrots too. These I’m good to slice/chop. .This brand the peppers are nice, not butt burning hot. The mix of carrot is just amazing. Pro tip, keep your eye out for sales on these even when you’re not making a taco bucket. I keep a few cans on hand and they can go great with burgers, rice, all sorts of stuff. The same brand also makes “nacho slices” if you don’t want to slice the peppers.

I also keep various spicy spices on hand. Paprika, chili powder, garlic powder, cumin, oregano, etc.

Now what else do you need?

A bucket. This is a dish mean to be shared. Given that I cook for two+leftovers I will use something like this. I tend not to use ceramic, glass or metal because my hands shake and I drop things. Also pro tip, serving in these type containers makes for a super quick and easy lunch prep.

You’ll need your preferred utensils. I’m very partial to my fave, the SPOONULA. I drop and spill a LOT and this type of tool works while I’m cooking and serving. I got my first one at the dollar store and now have about ten of them. Other pro tip, check the dollar store for discount tupperware type containers too.

Depending on your protein you may need a bit of oil. I prefer to start with oil so we’ll go from there.

First, look in your kitchen. If you’ve got the spices that sound good and a protein you’re off to the races. You can put stuff like: beans, corn, stewed tomatoes, leftover rice, tortillas, taco shells, raw or tinned mushrooms, bell peppers, spicier peppers, you can do potatoes, jicama, whatever you got. This can be what I can a throw it in type dish. If you think it’ll taste good, throw it in there.

Now before I get to the cooking order, let’s talk a bit about the end game. What you want to come out with is a bucket full of delicious taco type fixings. If you are trying to stretch your dollars and food, add hearty stuff like rice. Using stuff like corn or extra veg can really help not only fill bellies but if you have folks leery of veggies you can get them a new flavor to veg. If you really need to use that leftover chicken, or whatever this is how.

OKAY so you need a skillet and your protein. I usually make ground beef or turkey.

First, heat up a bit of oil in your pan. Enough to drop in your garlic and if you’re using them onions. Wait for the pan to get sizzly hot and drop em in. PRO TIP. If you like onion flavor but not texture, dehydrated small mince onion is the fucking shit. My favorite is from Whole Foods (we’ll talk about whole paycheck another time) and they are similar to this. If you like some extra kick, drop some chili flakes into the mix when the garlic starts to brown.

Once you’re garlic is lookin brown and smelling delicious, put in your protein of choice. If you are browning meat, also have your powder spices on hand. I will liberally spice through the cooking process. Once your protein is half done, pour some of your pickled jalepeno liquid into it. Using that juice is one of my secret weapons.

If you have fresh veggies depending on if they are leafy, or root veg start adding them. I personally for instance prefer my bell peppers to still have a good crunch so I add the last. I add my jalepeno when the meat is about 80% done to get the flavors all loved up. I like to add mushrooms raw or canned before I add other veggies. If you’re using canned corn you can save that. Also if you’re using black olives or fresh tomatoes. If you’re using canned tomatoes you can add those too.

NOW if you’re using a fattier beef, you’ll want to drain it before adding extra stuff. I usually get 80/20 beef or if I’m using turkey, I don’t mind the juiciness. I won’t add water and shit like taco seasonings packs, I use those sparingly and let the juices from the stuff in the thing as moisture. Or if my protein is dry, I will add some stock or a wee bit of hot water.

I like to let stuff simmer. Also, letting stuff cook down is a great way to save some spoons. If you aren’t able to stand to watch something simmer, once your stuff is all in the pan, turn that shit down to med-low and sit your ass down. Let is simmer down. Remember, long simmer usually means more flavor.

How to assemble your taco bucket. If you are serving this with rice, put your rice in about 5-10 minutes depending on your preferred rice texture and let it simmer.

While your stuff is simmering down and getting delicious, when it is about 10 minutes out from serving turn the heat off and let it rest. Use this time to get your servings together. Since it is just Uniballer and I, I throw the meat and veg into the bucket, we both like the same stuff so I’ll add in my canned corn at this point, or my fresh tomatoes. If we’re being fancy I’ll also throw in cheese, salsa, sour cream. Or sometimes it is literally a bucket of spicy meat.

If you’ve got folks who need other options, make it a team effort. Everybody gets a bowl. Line up your protein bucket, buckets of fresh fixings and let folks go to town.

NOW you can serve it on tortillas, in taco shells, eat it like a dip with chips (my preferred method for shoveling), use the bucket protein as salad topping.

LEFTOVERS.

I almost always make enough for at least two full dinners for Uniballer and I. I will use it the next day for a salad, or as burrito stuffing. Sometimes, I add rice second day if we eat more of the protein.

Great things:

Easy to customize!

Fucking delicious!

Leftovers!!

Play with what you put in it. If you have food needs, allergies, intolerances it is super simple to substitute your needs. Vegan? Use tofu or tofurky, or chikin, or for real try using cauliflower. If you’ve got a ton of picky ass kids, each kid gets to have their OWN SHIZZ. And you can ask older kids to bus their own dishes. Make a bowl, clean a bowl.

Please try out doing a taco bucket and if you do, tag me on insta @weebeasty or come back and link me to your pics!

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Goth it up on A Budget

Hello my darlings!

Your fave Fine Ass Old Auntie returns. We’re going to be talking about clothing and accessories that are budget friendly AND easily Gothable.

First a definition of terms.

Gothable- an item that can go Goth with attitude, accessories or styling or cause you say so.

Below there will be a pin board full of straight and plus size ideas. I’ll toss in some more masc stuff as well. I will say I am no expert in masc leaning clothing because frankly I am Femme as Fuck.

Some personal style history. In the past 20 years or so, I’ve gone from OMG SO GOTH MY ASS IS SHINY IN DAYLIGHT as in wearing a lot of club clothing, vinyl during the day type goth. I’ve done ruffly lace fancy Goth. I’ve done punky goth, some kinderwhore. A LOT O GOTH. I think I’ve not done a lot of Victorian Goth or EGL or a bunch of other styles because $$ for fashion haven’t been plentiful.

In the last decade or so I tend towards the slightly absurd office goth. I like comfy. I like a stretchy waistband. I wear a lot of skirts, I love dresses. I’m very partial as I’ve mentioned to the skater skirt. I’m not very particular about where I shop. Let’s talk about that for a sec.

Some of my links will be fast fashion. I personally am not in a position to vote with my cash most of the time. I just can’t afford it. I like the idea of saving for an amazing ethical piece but in reality, for me and a lot of folks that is impractical.

Prior to my weight changing, I really didn’t think about it because most of the indie dark witchy brands just (and still) don’t go above a size 10 or 12 if you’re lucky. Even now that I’m a chonky 10/12 a LOT of the designers I love are not checking for my lil ass.

For instance I am OBSESSED with Sisters of the Black Moon and I have literally dreamed of this dress. The FLUIR DRESS BLACK LINEN. It costs $305.00. Now, yes craftmanship and everything. I’m not mad about the price. That said, if I had that type of cash to spend on a single garment, nah. I could probs fit into Large
Bust: 31 1/2″
Waist: 35″
Length: 54 1/4″

But the way I’m built, no way because um, my bust is not smaller than my waist. I run into the same problem with the beautiful things from Noctex. This item I could save up for BUT, my titties. I have them. Big ones. This is not built for someone who is not the shape of the model if that is the look you’re going for.

Often in Goth circles, folks will get up in arms over Goth being trendy. Remember that H&M Girl with the Dragon Tattoo collection? I saw a lot of hand wringing and ZOMFG MALL GOTH WE ARE SPECIAL type lamentation and y’all, wrong attitude. Yes, DIY is great. However, it is not just a matter of being able to slap shit together. Not all of us can design. Not all of us can sew. No, not everyone can sew together clothing. That is bullshit. AND often, the materials to make one shitty franken thing cost as much as just buying the damn thing.

If you can make something awesome. if not, shit store bought is fucking fine.

One of the other reasons why I love Goth as a trend is that the styles circulating in the indie and high end Gothdom, come down to earth and will fit my ass and the asses of my fat friends. If you’re mad at mall goths, you’re mad at folks who likely can’t afford to sit with you and, you might as well click away.

Ahem.

Also a lot of what you’ll find in the pinboard is office appropriate. Yes in theory we all want to wild out and wear what the fuck we want when we want but, puppies don’t appear out of nowhere when we want them either and bitches got rent to pay.

I’m not including shoes because that is a whole other thing.

Some tips.

If you cannot go full goth at work for reasons, little touches are great. Spooky jewelry from the cheesy Halloweeny stuff to beautiful handmade occult or bone jewelry. Make up is also an option. From a classic wing to a fierce AF black lip. The fun part is figuring out how much of your freak flag to fly.

My opinion, much like my style is pretty easy. Do what makes you feel fancy and if someone is doing none of the following:

  • Feeding you
  • Paying your rent
  • Fucking you
  • Paying you in general

Nobody gives a shit what they think about your aesthetic choices.

Let’s talk affordability. That is also highly subjective. Two years ago, I couldn’t afford an unplanned pair of 30$ shoes. These days with my improved credit lines, I can usually work it out to spend more. Do you.

Let’s get our mall goth on. I suggest HIGHLY following me on Pinterest. I am putting together a LOT of idea boards. I will mark stuff that is expensive to me in the fantasy boards. Full disclosure, some of the links I get a tenth of a penny if you click em.

 

 

Posted in afro goth, fashion, fatshion, goth, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Walk Walk Fashion Baby- Killstar and Hot Topic Review.

Hi babes!

Let’s talk some fashion I’ve picked up recently.

First we’ll talk Hot Topic. I have come full circle back to being a mall goth. Or my body has just decided to be chunky teenager sized and HT has stuff that fits me that I can afford. SO let’s talk about some of my fave things.

I am a HUGE lover of the skater skirt. I wear them a lot, tucked in, with a geek tee, etc. Love them. Hot Topic has these gorgeous velvety skater skirts in straight and plus sizes. Y’ALL THEY HAVE MOTHER FUCKING POCKETS!

[image description: the view from above of teh author wearing a black velvet circle skirt, with their hand in the pocket]

MOTHER FUCKING POCKETS.

Ahem. The waistband is wide covered elastic, for reference my waist is usually 29-31″ or so depending on how the wind is blowing and I picked up a size Large. It is roomy enough I could have gone with a medium honestly. The stretch is quite nice. Pulled up high to my natural waist, it is almost knee length. The plus sizes, go up to their size 5 (About the same as Torrid) and waist sizes 52″ – 56″ .

IF you are a fat babe, do consider trying one on even if your waist is a bit bigger than the listed sizes because velvety material and a good stretch waistband mean you can likely fudge your sizing a bit as well as try wearing the skirt on different parts of your belly for fit.

I also picked up the galaxy print one because yes I am still obsessed with galaxy print. I would have actually paid retail for both skirts and y’all know Auntie hates retail prices. I HIGHLY suggest these skirts. They have a pretty good variety of sizes and colors most of the time. If you’re on a tight budget, get on their mailing list and wait for a good sale. They have them often.

Now to stroll to the high end area of Gothdom, I bought some stuff from Killstar. So if you’re not into dark aesthetics, you might click that and immediately go WTF…y’all. Killstar is in fact expensive af. I’ve been stalking the items I got for a while and when they had a big sale recently I hit it immediately.

I picked up my third pair of sneakers I’ve ever owned. I got these high top, spiked velvet platform beauties.

Sorry screen reader friends the images are as follows from the left:

[left image description: a top down view of black velvet sneakers with a spiked ankle strap and spikes down the back]

{middle image description: the back of the high top black velvet sneakers with spikes up the back, and the lower leg of a spider web print tall sock]

[far right photo: a top down view of the bottom of the authors outfit. A small bit of velvet skirt over black tights clad knees, grey and black knee high socks and black velvet sneakers]

These are the velvet version of the Unholy High Tops. 

First impression (this is my first Killstar order and I had intended on doing a little unboxing video but my phone was broken..next time babes) was WOW. The packaging is really beautiful. Your recipet comes in a lovely heavy black envelope and somewhere on the branding it says something like occult luxury. Hell yes it is.

I also picked up a few other items, the socks I’m wearing today and some other bits. I’m wearing the All Caught up Socks. Now, having come of aesthetic age in the time of terrible bullshit acrylic socks that were tiny I was not really expecting a whole lot. I was shooketh. The socks have a nice heft to them and are quite soft. My calves aren’t huge but often socks like this I have a hard time fitting into them. I don’t recommend them for large calves or plus size folks who want them to the actual knee.

The socks are nice but I wouldn’t pay full price for them. I’ll stick to Sock Dreams for fancy socks. I also picked up some mens shirts on clearance. I am glad to say that the mens 2xl tee fits a big fat man with a big belly pretty well if a bit tight across the shoulders. The mens 2xl sleeveless tee, makes a super cute mini dress for me. I’ll be wearing it a lot in the summer.

NOW my loves the shoes.

For context I LOVE GOTH SHOES. I’ve had dozens of pairs of Demonia shoes. Oh Demonia, I’ll save a whole ass post for the triumphs and hearbreaks of being a Demonia lover.

These shoes, I literally gasped when I opened the box. The velvet is so beautiful and soft, the spikes are soft but look hard? Weird but it works. The shoes look heavier than they are. They have a solid 2″ platform, no heel. There is some arch support so if you don’t have super high arches like I do, it should be enough support without an insole. I’ve got super high arches and my insoles fit fine.

The shoe is nice and light, wide feet should fit just fine with a lace adjustment. There is an inner zip on the shoe which I appreciate because sometimes in the morning my feet are too stiff to slide into high shoes without a zip.

I’ve been wearing them for a few days and they are very high quality. Everything I got from Killstar is great quality. This is such a departure from a lot of the goth brands I grew up with. So is Killstar expensive? Yes. Is it worth it, I’m going to also say yes.

If you don’t have big baller money, do sign up for their email list and watch those sales. Make sure you load your wishlist and check it every now and then for discounts.

If you want to order, feel free to use my referral link here for 5$ off your first order.

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Over 40 Skin Care-new goals

Hi sugar!

Let’s talk about skin care. I’ve been doing some changes, seen some progress and discovered some new goals.

There will be some affiliate links so watch for the *. I get some pennies if you click or buy.

First, the first bare faced photo of yours truly of the year.

[image description: the author. Brown skinned femme with no make up on. Smiling a little]


SO I mean, I hate to brag but y’all look at me. Had you told me even at 30 that I’d ever a.) post a no make up selfie OR be proud of my faceballs, I’d have laughed in your face.

If you’re new let’s talk about my skin struggles. I’ve had oily skin on my face forever. At one point, I had a dermatologist just say, oh wow. My skin is also very reactive, sensitive, easily irritated and acne prone. A whole ass hot mess. Add in that my face scars if I look at it crooked. I am also in perimenopause which means, my skin goes buck fucking wild for no reason.

First let’s talk about my current routine.

I don’t do most things on a schedule. Just like with my hair care I tend to feel out what my face wants and deliver. My current round up of products on rotation goes like this.

Oil Cleansers:

DERMA E Nourishing Rose Cleansing Oil*- I grabbed this on sale and it is okay. If you are scent sensitive don’t buy this, I thought it might’ve had rose oil in it but it just has a rose scent. Scent doesn’t but me. If you wear full foundation, this one probably won’t do you good. I tend to only use it if I’ve got on light make up (concealer) or if I’m not wearing any.

Nyx Stripped off Cleansing Balm– This is an all time fave I will go back to forever. If you love the Clinique take off the day balm, this is a great dupe. The cost is far lower. Head to head here’s how they stack up. Cost. Nyx winds hands down. Nyx loses a couple of points for being slightly scented, Clinique has no detectable smell. Both work great at removing full coverage foundation. They can easily remove the 17 pounds of mascara+liner I like. They are both great formulations.

boscia MakeUp-BreakUp Cool Cleansing Oil* This is my third product try from boscia and I feel a little, eh about it. boscia is one of those brands I really wanted to LOVE but it didn’t really move me like that. This cleansing oil is good, it has a tiny bit of scent not much. I fell for branding and really wanted to love it. It is just a meh for me. Once my bottle is empty I won’t repurchase.

Foamy/lathery/second Cleansers:

Tree Hut Skincare Purifying Cleansing Gel*. I love this cleanser. Some of the ingredients are not the greatest, we’ll talk about that but I love having it in my stash. It works the best for me pre-chemical exfoliation. My skin absolutely loves it. I get squeaky clean without the squeaky feeling.

Garnier SkinActive Face Wash with Aloe Juice*- I had a coupon and wanted to try out this line because I LOVE the sheet masks and Garnier is usually pretty good to me. This is a loose jelly texture, no smell I can detect, super gentle and my skin just loves it. This is pretty great for days when my skin feels grimy or generally a little irritated or peely.

Andalou Naturals Meyer Creamy Lemon Cleanser*- Andalou naturals is a newer to me brand and y’all. I love this brand the way I wanted to love boscia. I don’t know about the brightening but, I just love this cleanser. It does have a slight citrusy scent that isn’t overwhelming. It smells like it has citrus in it. My skin just loves this stuff. It is creamy and doesn’t foam, cleans nicely and leaves my face feeling soft af.

A few honorable mentions. Sometimes I still use my liquid african black soap on my face. It is SUPER drying and I usually only do it as a mini mask when my face is acting a damn fool. Also if I have any sort of irritation. I also almost always have a bucket of Noxema on deck.

Now, if it isn’t a mask night this is what I do at night before bed.

I’m looking for new toners, right now I use Shea Moisture problem skin toner. It is…okay.

After toning I go back to my ride or die Claire-ity 25% Vitamin C Serum* y’all. I’ve been using a C serum for about 4 years. I’ve tried drugstore, high end. I’ve tried liquidy serums, cream c, powder. This brand is my ride or die. Great price point at 15$, it is super gentle and I have absolutely seen a difference in the hydration and smoothness of my skin when I’ve gone a few months not using it.

Next I use a retinol cream. Retinol is another thing I’ve used for the past few years in one manner or another. My fave now discontinued one came from the ordinary. I’ve been searching since. I’ve gone through a few kinds of retinol and this one from Nuva Skin has been great for me. The jar is air tight so no contamination, it is a very rich cream. This is a 2.5% retinol product that also has hylaruanic acid, aloe and other skin loving stuff. For me, cruising at 2.5% has been great for my skin.

Then I lay on some moisturizer. NOW y’alls. I fucked up. I was fbing late one night and came across some super organic fancy ass skin care that is normally out of my price range. I had a few bucks in my paypal and saw that they have sampler kits that with the code, NONTOXIC comes to about 4$ shipped in the US. I grabbed one and okay. The cleanser is nice but not amazing. The rosewater is yanno rosewater. The deep hydration moisturizer tho. Y’all. This is the first moisturizer I’ve used in a while that just, my skin eats it up and LOVES. It is also out of my price range rn for one product. When I can afford it, I will be buying a full size jar.

My last nightly step is I slather my face in Rosehip oil that I got at CVS or Walgreens or something.

I’ve been using some masks but I think I’ll save those. Basically I do a deep clean one on Saturday then a chemical exfoliant midweek ish.

My goals last year were mainly to get my skin cleared up, fewer breakouts. I accomplished that. Also, the texture of my skin has VASTLY improved. I’ve got a glow now. My skin feels plump and silky.

This year my goals are as follows:

  1. Help myself avoid further hyperpigmentation and continue treating what I have slow and gentle like.
  2. MORE hydration.

Basically that’s all I want to do. I feel like my skin glow up is going pretty well. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get back into higher end skincare later this year and we’ll have a post about questionable ingredients, money and whatnot.

Posted in beauty, skin care | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

OH…I didn’t see you there.

Well actually I did and I am a lying ass liar.

Full disclosure, I kind of lost my want to blog because I didn’t think I had anything to say.

I do but it was a thing.

And then the domain registration for this little area came up and I was going to let it go and changed my mind.

SO hi.

I’m your host Shannon. I am a chunky, Black, genderqueer old ass Goth. I like beauty, shiny things, clothes, make up and booties.

I’ll be resuming blogging here after I do a bit of a make over. I’ve got plans for shoppable faves pages. Pinterest stuff and whatnot.

SO if you wanna come along, please come back and visit.

In the meantime, below find a photo of your naked faced host.

[image description: the author, a Black femme wearing glasses, with gray faux locs from the waist up. They are wearing a galaxy print hoodie]
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Optimism among chaos.

Hello darlings.

As the partner and I are settling into our new home I’m starting to have some optimism about an increase in our quality of lived life and by extension I’ve been thinking about things I want to do for my health, my skin care, everything.

I really am looking forward to purging more stuff so I can start over. I’ve replaced some of my skin care and make up. It feels strange to actually have a do over in reach. After probably another grand in bills and moving costs I’ll be able to really get started.

A few days ago I realized that this feeling, this desire to make home is very overwhelming to me. At 41 years old, I have never felt like I had the right to make myself a real home. I’m anxious about it, I’m terrified honestly. I have to ask my partner a million questions. I ask him about how much things cost. If it is reasonable for me to want something for our home. If it is okay.

I’m looking at things for my home that I like. That will make it feel cozy and like I belong here.

Y’all.

When that is not something you grew up feeling, or have been poor enough to either be houseless or have housing insecurity, it is scary.

For instance.

There is a local to me indigenous blanket maker(s). I was looking at their website the other day and saw this blanket. I can picture it on the wall in my entry hallway, right across from the door. The fact that I can see it in my mind is astonishing to me. I am thinking about having art. Having pretty things that mean something to me.

This feeling extends to my bathroom. I’ve been thinking about moving most of my make up stuff to palettes because of how I want storage to be. I’m thinking about the galaxy shower curtain I found and having a beautiful galaxy, pink, purple and black bathroom.

I’m hopeful and scared.

I find home set up terribly intimidating and I swing from wanting many shiny household items to being terrified and not wanting any. What kind of towels do I buy? Should I get the nicer rice cooker? What about kitchen shit? I don’t know.

A new set of anxieties is settling in. Things that cost money that I have to replace. I’m going to need to replace my phone sooner than I wanted to. I still haven’t gotten a new ID. The cost of stocking up on our health shit, cost cost cost.

I’m overwhelmed and exhausted and afraid but, I have this hope that things will level out.

What else?

I’ve gotten my skin care somewhat put back in order. My skin is recovering from the stress and frankly I wasn’t taking great care of it. Currently I’m about that glow up. I’ve switched from foundation to something else, review coming in a few weeks and my skin care routine has settled back into my bedtime process.

I’m still feeling pretty unsettled and low key freaked out. I have extra bills and our budget is looking a better. Living inside those two things is weird and hard.

In other news, if you are in Seattle/area I’ll be reading at Margin Shift later this month. Come through.

And if you are so inclined you can check out my latest freelance piece here. If you want to keep up with writing stuff, check my writing biz blog over here.

Posted in home life, Personal, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Oh the Chaos.

Oh my darlings.

The move aftermath keeps on going. My life/home are still fairly chaotic and y’all, I ain’t with it.

Given that I’m already a very anxious constantly freaked out person, trying to get my house in some order has just wrecked me. I’m nervous and upset, we are eating a lot of garbage food and trying to figure out life has been hard.

That said- I have figured out some stuff.

I have rediscovered the joy of some small luxuries. There is a little bodega downstairs in my building and I bought a big bag of ice. Seems like nothing but, our previous house the freezer was weird and small so I rarely had ice at home. I made myself a couple of jugs of fridge tea and having that on hand is pretty ding dang great.

I’ve also tried out being intentionally cozy and making myself rest. I don’t recall if I mentioned it but a few weeks ago during the most intense part of the move, I rolled my ankle pretty badly. My foot and ankle swelled up, it hurt a lot and since y’all know life gotta go on sometimes I did not stay off of it.

Once we got all moved in, I got myself into bed, I had my current crochet project, a giant mug of tea and I just got cozy. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but, I have a habit of GO GO GO until I fall out or until my spoons are WAY into the negative, doing this intentionally was nice. A lot of the time, I resent rest. I always feel like I have SO MUCH to do.

I have freelancing to work on. Patreon to work on. I have my hustle to work because the move ate all our money and I’m stressed as fuck.

Now I know good and goddamn well (SHIT I WROTE A WHOLE ASS BOOK ABOUT SELF-CARE) and yet, there I was burning the candle at both ends and not allowing myself to heal at all. I wasn’t giving myself a chance in hell of really being able to settle into our new life and I started getting sick and everything went downhill.

So, I committed coziness. And it was okay. If I’m gonna keep things 100, I’m not good at it. I NEED to fix and put away and try to get things in order. However if my body was a person it would be trying to fight me and screaming CAN U FUCKIN NOT.

Like BRO COME ON FUCKING STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP.

Ahem.

That has been a struggle.

So this adjustment is a lot more than I anticipated. I also figured out that I built up the life change with this move and I guess I was expecting it to be easier? Or that I’d be able to superperson it out a lot more and I’ve fallen into some old harmful patterns of expecting myself to manifest super powers and do ALL THE THINGS.

I really expected a lot more of myself than I am capable of and having to face in my inability has been crushing. Again I find myself having rejected the idea that my able bodiedness is just not a thing anymore and expecting able bodiedness from myself in a way I would NEVER from anyone else.

Dealing with my terrible internalized ableism has just been the hardest part of all this. I hate that sometimes I treat myself so poorly and justify it because, shit has GOT to be done. I have set myself back in terms of the work I’ve done on this and I’m trying to deal with it without being a fucker to myself.

It is hard.

That said, I’m ready for an improvement in the quality of our lived life. I’m ready to be able to socialize without things being so hard and I’m ready to learn to be cozy.

At the suggestion of loved ones, if you are so inclined find our ever growing housewarming wishlist on Amazon here. 

Next post will be some updated skin care, some hair wins and whatnots.

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