Stuff I like for Fall


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There will be affiliate links, y’all know what it is.

So I have a little stack of stuff that I’m super into right now and I want to share.

First up let’s talk beauty stuff.

I’ve been tinkering with my skincare routine and added some new stuff in the last few months.

The first thing I’m in terrible love with is the The Face Shop – Rice Water Bright – Cleansing Light Oil. I’ve been using it religiously since June. I use it to remove my make up before I cleanse. I’ve tried regular oil cleansing to remove make up before. I tried Olive oil, jojoba, sweet almond, castor oil etc. Overall using a plain oils kind of underwhelmed me. In terms of the actual effects on my skin, it was blah. But, I am into Korean beauty like a bunch of other folks and on a whim I picked this product up. Y’all………..this shit right here.

First week, here’s what I noticed:

  1. It took off ALL my make up. All of it. Even my super waterproof mascaras, forty pounds of liner, a lot of matte long wear foundation. Melted off.
  2. It does not sting my eyes if it gets in them, which it does cause I’m messy.

After a couple of months:

  1. My face is intensely soft. Like aggressively silky. I didn’t change out other products (remember I only switch one thing at a time) and wow. I can FEEL the difference.
  2. My eyelashes are in much better condition. I noticed that because of the vigor it took to remove my waterproof mascaras my lashes were starting to feel brittle and dry.

All in all, I’m very into this product. I haven’t noticed extreme brightening but, my skin tone overall started to improve and I’m for it. Love it. Also it’s super economical, I still have a good quarter inch in my bottle to go.

All summer and now into fall my ride or die foundation has been the L’Oreal Paris Cosmetics Infallible Pro-Matte Foundation Makeup, Soft Sable. For the hotter months I was wearing it sheered down the tiniest bit. The Soft sable can run a teensy bit too light but I warmed it up with a slightly dark powder. For building up the coverage I use this brush.  If I want to beat my face and go for a heavier coverag I use this brush.I’ve used a few other foundations in the past few months and nothing drugstore has given me the finish, the coverage AND the color I need.

I am not sure if I’ve mentioned this but I am a lip product fanatic. I love ALL things lips. Quite a while back I picked up a couple of tubes of Mentha shine from Bath and Body Works. Y’all. I LOVE that shit. Super shiny, tasty, tingly wonderful goodness. This is my Fall/Winter go to stuff to wear at work or whatever. My favorite is a tossup between the Cinnamint and the Peppermint.  They are a little expensive for me so when I do buy them, I snag them on sale.

Season changes really put me through the wringer so I have been switching out some of my other skin/body care stuff while I adapt to the changing weather.

My huge indulgence is this Korres Japanese Rose Body butter. I picked up a sample set on discount a long while back and I just love this so much. It’s not the richest, most awesome butter, but, it smells so damn good.

On my OH SHIT MY SKIN IS GOING ALL THE WAY LEFT list is my fave Exfoliating hydro towel. I recommend only using it once or twice a week because it will scrub your butt hard. I use mine with a creamy anti itch body wash and always follow up with some heavy duty moisturizer.

If y’all recall from my itchy baby post, remember even though a product might look good, check those ingredients. I was all hype to buy the Cerave moisturizing cream UNTIL I saw it has both silicones and petrolatum.

For me my current go to butter has just not been enough. As delicious and creamy as it is, no dice. I LOVE my Chocolate Macadamia nut cocoa butter stuff from Q2 naturals on etsy but,  I need more. My body skin is so dry and cranky. Also I’m such a sucker for having an array of super moisturizing things that also smell good I’ll probably indulge myself in a few extra butters.

Next faves post I’ll do a Struggle Bus Naturals post with some updates on products and stuff.

In the meantime, happy Fall for my Fall folks and happy Spring to the rest of y’all.

Some visual inspo.


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So let’s talk about some of the people I find beautiful.

I know I have a few readers who use screen readers and I’ve been trying really hard to do better image descriptions, if any of y’all have suggestions as to how I can do better PLEASE tell me. I’m very not confident that I’m doing them right.

Let’s dive in.


[image description: Stevie Nicks in a black and white photo posed as if dancing. She is wearing a tophat and sheery layered dress]

Okay, my first Goth flavored love was Stevie Nicks. Y’all, I cannot tell you how many times I was buck naked draped in a blanket spinning and caterwauling Rhiannon or marching to Tusk. I’ve always found her mesmerizing and occasionally to this day I will put on a shawl and spin.

Next up, Sigourney Weaver from Alien. Yes, I probably shouldn’t have seen that movie so young but I did and frankly between her and the Xenomorph queen well….here I am. Between Ripley being the most bad ass woman I had ever seen, her angular handsome face, and how unglamorous she was and so focused on ass kickery- y’all. If I wasn’t pretty fuckin queer at birth I will say that Ripley made me. I mean-


[Image description: Sigourney Weaver with short brown hair, holding a child in one arm and a large gun in the other. 

Looking back, I both wanted to look like Ripley AND be rescued/loved by her.


[image description: Siouxsie Sioux sitting, she has on fishnet hosiery, tall black boots, black shorts and a black vest. Her hair is big and teased, her eyes are close.

Siouxsie Sioux. I mean. I’m a Goth you knew what it would be. I remember seeing a poster of her in my punk babysitter’s room and instantly was in awe. The sharpness of her make up, the red lips, the eye. It was everything I wanted. I fell in early and deep love with punk and goth folks because I love me some dirty not pretty/pretty glamour. Give me grimy. The torn tights, the smeared eye-


I had no chance.

Nothing could have stopped the Gothness.

Now, rather than load up eleventy million more photos, y’all get my drift and I’ll leave some names at the bottom of this entry.

From a very young age, say about 5-6 I understood that I couldn’t be as glamorous as any of the people I found beautiful. I was dark (way darker than I am now) and small and chubby. I had an awareness that dark chunky little Shannon did not exist within the framework of white and pretty.

I couldn’t have said that, but I understood it. What I find most interesting about it is that, it was really just a thing I settled on and didn’t dwell upon. I didn’t know yet to feel bad about it, it was just a thing and I dealt with it. So, I played dress up and I spent HOURS putting on make up when someone let me, and hours studying the walks and poses. I remember once sitting in a makeup artist’s chair while my Mom was getting her hair cut so she could do some headshots for a salon and I sat with a fashion magazine and carefully duplicated a look.

The make up artist was so pleased and I loved it so much. He was pleased that I didn’t make a mess of his stuff and that I was so quiet and glamorous. I remember how good it felt to be acknowledged and seen that way. These days I’d equate it to the moments when other Femmes and I give each other the, YASSS BITCH nod and understand we’re being pretty gay with each other.

It’s the same feeling when friends post thirst trap photos and I can say LOOK at that ass and everybody knows what it is. It’s never gross or whatever because we trust each other to see each other.

When I got to about the 5th grade, then I started to feel bad for not being White nor pretty. I started to equate White and Pretty with value as a human being. That was reinforced by living in America and being one of very few Black kids in my community. I had no mirror for myself. That is when I started to really internalize ALL the anti-Blackness.

Shit is fucked up.

Around that time I also decided that my interests in alternative style was bullshit and stupid because there was no WAY I could have ever subjected people to my fat Black ass in clothes meant for Thin Pretty White girls. I would have told you at the time that I just wasn’t interested, but wouldn’t have been able to articulate why.

That was a burden I carried early.

Outside of my bedroom dress up (which I did and still do to this day) at the time I did not let my real tastes be known. Year’s at home by myself, I learned to wear forty pounds of black eyeliner by the time I was in the 8th grade, but I wouldn’t dare do it out of the house. Parental objections aside, I just didn’t believe I was allowed to engage with fashion or beauty that way.

Through high school beauty became a painful thing for me. I couldn’t buy make up because there wasn’t brown make up for me to have access to, I was just baby woke and just learning about feminism so I decided that I didn’t need it and was weak and anti-woman to want it.

I was lying. I desperately wanted to wear my hair in a caeser (it was the 90s hoes), I wanted to wear ugly babydoll dresses and combat boots. I wanted to wear tight babydoll tshirts and just so baggy pants. I wanted to look like Adina Howard and dress like Siouxsie.

I didn’t because I was of course ALL wrong for all of that.

Later I explored a bit more. I decided since I was fat and ugly anyway, I’d just wear what the fuck I wanted to wear. I wore a lot of glitter on my face, and a lot of costume jewelry, and a lot of masc thrift store vintage clothes. I wasn’t feeling brave but, like I wanted to shock people with my body.

There wre years at the time where I was very uh, self destructive with my beauty and aesthetics because I could not realize that I did deserve them and that I could engage with beauty. Shit was hard.

As I got older, I started working it out. For a few years I was the wears ultra minis and vinyl in the daytime type Goth. I was a fancy Goth for a minute. I gave it all up and wore khakis and sports wear for a couple of years (that was awful) and through my mid-20s I was perfecting my casual Femme office gothness.

Let’s wrap up here for now. Y’all see where it all started.

Next time we talk my tastes, I’ll show y’all what inspires me on a fantastical level.

Where my Style evolved from.



I want to talk some about things that have shaped my style, representation and stuff.

This is fashion, but shit is deep.

From a really early age, my aesthetic love has been the Alt folks. I remember very vividly the first time I saw punks, I was about 6 or so and they were on the sidewalk. My parents sort of laughed and I was in love. I loved their spikey hair and tattered clothes, their somewhat androgynous bodies really appealed to me. That was it.

When I saw Black folks street style in movies in the 80s and later on rappers on MTV I loved their style too. Dookie chains, beautiful Black girls with doorknockers and amazing geometric haircuts.

Those were the seeds of my style.

As I got older, especially in my teens I understood one thing.

I may have loved fashion and beauty, but it was not for me. Fat Black little me.

I couldn’t have put those words on it exactly, but, that’s what it was. When I first got into makeup in middle school, my friends could buy their Covergirl foundation at the drug store and back then there was nothing for me. I figured out how to use CG tan powder lightly on my face and I bought eyeliners but, I saw the lack.

When I saw glammed up Black women, there weren’t references to companies or brands I had access to. I didn’t even know that Black women wore foundation until I was about 17. I thought I was just an ugly Black person so I wanted coverage and concealer and stuff.

Around the same time I was starting to have an interest in Goth specifically. I knew some Goths, I saw Goths in various places and it was equally if not more inaccessible to me. I loved the fancy Goths and the punky goths. I also saw that again, it was probably not for me because I was not pale, not thin etc.

My early Goth experiences were eh. I remember going to the first Hot Topic in the area and the employees didn’t question me being there, but, I was too shy to ask for a dress I wanted in a larger size. I figured that a larger size wasn’t available, because every other bit of art, clothing etc I’d had an interest in, did not come in larger sizes.

I remember getting things like the Retail Slut catalog and a couple of other ones, but if I did save up money for things, I was outside their size range for what I wanted.

Let’s stop there for a second.

Remember, I’m an Old Goth. I didn’t have social media, I had to special order my weirdo magazines. The only images of the things I was into, were thin to super thin White cis people. There was zero representation. When I ventured into spaces with other ALT people, mostly they were decent if sometimes cluelessly racist, but I always had that pressure of being The One.

For me at the time, I felt too seen. Too visible to engage in the weirdo clothes I loved so much. As a young potato I was too shy to enjoy the visibility on a regular basis.

Cut to my early 20s and my first phase of giving zero fucks. I wore vinyl in the daytime. I got into very Fetishy schoolgirl type outfits. I liked adding a rock star item to a drab outfit. I had velvet platform high heeled boots like Stevie Nicks and I wore the fuck out of them. I dyed my hair colors and remember getting disapproval from older Black folks and white folks and everyone.

Looking back, I realize that a lot of my bravado, then was coming from a place of pain. I felt rejected from say Alt modeling (this is when I discovered that the Alt only applied to outer decoration and that underneath it was still thin white and cis) and from clothing lines and everything Alt.

I really wish baby potato me had been able to process enjoying the aesthetics while rejecting the Thin Whiteness of it without so much pain.

I would have told you that what I was doing, feeling etc was empowerment. It wasn’t. It was a fuck you born of terror. I remember buying clothes from like Jeannie Nitro or some of the more available goth labels and I’d rip them up to make them fit. Wear them anyway.

I remember back then Lip Service had bigger sizes that weren’t outside their general milieu and I wore the fuck out of them.

This is stuff I think about. I’m pretty excited about the fact that as I get closer to 40 my ideas about how to express my aesthetics and wearing my feelings and decorating my temple as I see fit has come to be a joyful thing for me rather than a padding from pain.

One of the reasons for this post is because I’m going to do an influences post and while I was collecting photos earlier, I saw just how White and Thin it was and I felt disheartened but I’m not gonna lie. So this is where I’m coming from.

Also later this week I’m going to do a how yours truly would dress if neither money nor size was an issue. I’m probably going to need separate entries for clothes, accessories, shoes and art. Y’all….

I’m also looking for stuff to show y’all that I want to have in order to embody myself when I feel more Butch or Masculine but shit is hard.

AND I’ll likely have the how to buy leggings on the internet post ready soon.


Fave Goth Stuff. The Broke Goth Edition.


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Oh Brokeass Auntie, Patron Saint of Old Comfy Goths everywhere, WHERE do we buy Goth stuff?

So brace yourselves.

First up, let’s talk basics.

For me that means black stuff like tees, leggings, other shirts. First rule of Broke Goth club is that stuff is generally basic, is not stuff I pay big bucks for. I like to save my budget for the occasional higher end item but every day stuff no.

I’ll also roll some tips about leggings buying on Ebay.

So first lets talk about buying plain leggings.

Always look at your local drug store. I’ve seen regular and fleecy leggings from xxs-3/4X at Walgreens. Frequently they are 2 for 10$. Those are the store brand. Always check out the underpants area as well. Hanes and Leggs both make leggings and I’ve seen those on sale as well. If you shop at a store with loyalty cards save up enough cash back and snag some. You can never have too many pairs of plain or plainish leggings.

For a few more choices, check Walmart and Target. And always check the workout leggings for more interesting options. That said, don’t pay more than 15-20$ at the most because come on they are leggings.

Now I personally like to wear leggings in cooler weather both as pants (FIGHT ME) and under skirts and stuff.

My number one rule no matter what your aesthetic is, look EVERYWHERE. I am of the mind that if you have the cash, we all need basics all the time. Drawers, socks, hosiery, leggings, tees.

Let’s break for a minute and talk about aesthetics. Regardless of what flavor your Goth is, or what your aesthetics are for real, don’t be afraid to look for stuff everywhere. If you’re like me and have a Walmart budget, rock that walmart shit.

For us Broke Goths, I like to say spend my money on accessories or the occasional fancier dress or shoes. You get to pick.

Some folks might be saying, but but Shannon why don’t you just save up for ONE thing. Because I can’t wear just one thing. For those of us who don’t have instant laundry access or dry cleaning money, what are we going to cover our butts with?

While we’re talking spending, yeah I’m gonna be linking to fast fashion. Here’s the thing, not all of us are able to vote with our wallets. A lot of stores and manufacturers are problematic to pure evil, but you know what? I still need clothes I have access to.

Okay so let’s get with the links.

Don’t be afraid of Hot Topic. They have some great sales and if you sign up for the elist you can get coupons.Let’s look at some stuff I find versatile and comfylike:

Black Skull Mesh Leggings. I have a pair of these. The sizing is nice. I got a large and probably could have gone with a medium and been fine. They are super cute with a cardi, not super warm but comfy. Great price on sale right now.

If you have narrower hips/are a dude, check out these on sale skinny jeans. Super cute. Great price.

You get my drift. And remember to always check clearance, if things are stretchy you can always consider sizing down for a tighter fit.

Let’s go to Amazon.

How to search: Use my example and search with me.

Use Black A line skirt- TONS of results. I picked this skirt.  Note though, it doesn’t say so in the description this is probably an Asian size and the one size fits most is likely not going to work for me.Always check that. The generic size guides Amazon uses are not great. Also again this is a time where I say read ALL the reviews. Watch out for the ones where someone says I’m usually a size X and this was tiny/too big.

My magic combo for searching amazon, ebay, etc. are usually color, type of garment and then I can whittle my choices down from there.

You get my drift. In meatspace I have another super secret method. Say you really have your eye on a pair of pants from a store. Go to the store, find out if they have the size you want, try them on. Then go home and use the internets. Check ebay, amazon and the store site. Check for coupons.

In the past couple of years I’ve started collecting some gothy accessories after years of not wearing much in that way.

For cutesy cheap things, Ebay. Etsy. Search by keyword or material.

To wrap up, let me give you a little shopping list if I had H&M cash. This is the sort of thing I consider Gothable and wearable, especially if you have a casual job. Most of this stuff is thin, so layering would be essential, but this is what I like. These are totally affiliate links and I do get a few coins from clicks.

Silver pleated skirt– UGH I freaking love this so much. SHINY.

Short Jersey Dress– This would be great to wear with fleecy leggings, or interesting tights, a cardi and boots.

Fine knit Sweater- I have a similar sweater I got from Old Navy a couple of seasons ago. I LOVE this shape and layering. It’s thin, so I know I won’t sweat to death while I’m walking and if I layer right I won’t freeze either.

Cowl neck sweater– Normally I HATE anything close to my neck. But this looks so soft and comfy. I can picture it with my faux leather leggings, OTK boots, and some big chunky jewelry. YASSSSSS.

Fine knit Dress– Another one I love. I’d pair this with my stripey leggings, or some fleece tights and OTK socks and boots.

Plus size H&M+ Slim-fit Pants– I actually really like how the skinny cut pants from HM fit. The plus size ones are a bit too big in the booty for me. But the straight sizes work for me. So if you have a bit more booty in the pants these might do you right.

Plus size Knit Tunic- I think this would be dress length on me and I’m for it. I think it is really pretty. Again, I see boots, OTK socks, Leggings, fleece tights.

So the big lesson is, the Goth isn’t necessarily in the shop. Get in where you fit in. You don’t have to spend all your coin to be a Goth.

NOW. this was the practical version. This is what I actually do and where I actually shop.

Next time we’re gonna go full fantasyland and it’s gonna be awesome.


It is National Coming Out Day


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Well hello.

If you don’t know already, I am your friendly neighborhood Old Ass Queer Gender Fluid Femme.

When I say Queer, I mean this.

For a time in my life I identified as bi because I hadn’t heard anything else that seemed to fit. Let yer Queer Auntie tell you a story. And for those readers who don’t think they know somebody Queer, now you do.

When I was a wee tiny potato, about 6 or so years old I was in love with four people.

Darcel Wynn of Solid Gold Fame. Ahem LOOK at her:


[image description: black and white photo of a beautiful woman with a long braid over one shoulder in a sequined low cut outfit.

I mean..yo. I remember watching her on Solid Gold and just, I wanted to marry her.

The second person I was in love with was, Freddie Mercury.


[image description: black and white photo of Freddie Mercury in profile, singing.

I mean..y’all. He was just so beautiful. And such a beautiful soul. Also wanted to marry him.

And of course Michael. Thriller era.


[image description: still image from the music video Thriller. Michael Jackson in a red and black leather jacket, dancing.

My last love was a Scottish boy in my class.

I recall informing my Mother that I was going to marry all four of them, we would live in a castle in Scotland with room enough for all our adopted kids, pets and assorted lovers. I look back at that and that is really how my heart has operated. At that age, I had no idea that there were gay and straight people, I figured everyone just made their choices and it wasn’t a big deal.

You love who you love, right?

When I saw a Gay couple once while we were out, I remember wondering if they were married? Did they live in a house? They looked so nice together, I wondered if they got their hair done where my Mom got hers done and did headshots at. That’s what was on my mind.

I had no idea until it was demonstrated to me that being not heterosexual is a problem for some people.

This was in let’s say about 1984ish? Nobody ever said Gay or Queer in a way that wasn’t a pejorative in some way. I was a sensitive little bean and I picked up on it, even from the most casual remarks I understood that my feelings, my love(s) were wrong.

And then the AIDS crisis came and everything was terrible. Men I admired and loved were dying, I heard adults in my life say the most awful evil things about them and to my mind, me by extension. I was terrified, I was depressed. I remember when I started to actually learn the facts about HIV and AIDS I was so ashamed to know people who mischaracterized and vilified + people.

In the early 90s I got to meet HIV+ people. I remember a girl fainted and I was annoyed. I shook his hand and hugged him. I went out of my way to scrounge up change to donate to a local hospice. When I was older in the mid 90s, I spent some time doing a bit of volunteer work, holding hands, wiping lips, reading to bedridden people who were waiting to die.

I didn’t know or understand the queer community at the time, but I was learning about it. I read as much Queer history as I could get my grubby hands on. I read gay erotica, I read John Rechy and consumed gay fiction.

I didn’t feel like I was in the closet. The concept of being in the closet didn’t really matter to me. It was less a matter of disclosure for me than it was trust. I did not trust most of the people in my life with my heart in that way. That said, I didn’t go out of my way to hide it either.

I didn’t “come out” per se because I felt no need to. For me coming out isn’t Queer Street Cred. It doesn’t make or break my queerness.

Coming out for me is a matter of trust and safety.

So when I was wee and very firm in my knowledge of my Queerness whether or not I had a name for it, I had no real desire to put a name on it to make it real.

Often when Coming out day comes around I see a lot of LGBT people doing a lot of work to insinuate without outright saying that if you’re in the closet, you’re somehow less than. That you’re not contributing to the community, that you’re a liar, that you’re just not gonna get your Rainbow Badge of Courage.

I reject that.

Yes, we live in the mother fucking future and in a lot of places, I can marry whomever I please.

That said, we still live in the world where Black Trans women are being murdered for existing. We live in a world where, parents kidnap their children and send them to torture camps to pray away the gay, we still live in a world where it is a question as to whether or not someone can lose their job because they are Queer.

This is reality.

And in reality, we can’t always make the open choice. We have to live. Those of us who don’t have a safety net, or live in Butthole where ever and in that place we will be in danger of losing our lives if we are out- we don’t need to come out to satisfy some bullshit sense of authenticity.

Realness is not how out you are.

Being authentic to who you are does not supersede survival.

I personally am out as fuck.

You don’t have to be. I still see you boo. I see you, I value you and your experience and today might not be the day. Don’t feel bad if you are in the closet. Maybe you don’t have yourself figured out yet, you’re good too.

Not all of us had the moment of clarity I had when i was 6 and in love with lots of people. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how long you’ve been considering, if you’ve gotten down with whatever gender in a sexual way.

I value your safety over knowing your personal truth.

Your life is more important to me than knowing the details.

To wrap this up I want to say this.

When and how you come out of the closet, if you come out belongs to you. It doesn’t belong to chirpy ads, rainbow banners or anyone who’d pressure you into coming out.

You folks, you’re who I honor today. You’re who is in my heart. I hope that in your lifetime you find the trust and safety to say outloud what’s in your heart.

You are seen.

Fall Textures.


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Hello sweet thangs.

Let’s talk texture and fall clothes. I’m a bit of a texture fanatic. I can be really picky about what fabrics to go next to my skin and I’m just learning what fabrics to layer.

First up, let’s talk my texture, aesthetic.

I like soft. A lot of the time I like to feel like I’m wearing something as close to jammies as possible while still rocking my aging office Goth aesthetic. Affiliate links, ahoy.

First up I’m SUPER into Old Navy tees. They aren’t the most sturdy but, as far as comfort goes can’t beat them.

I really love the shape of this Tulip Tunic Tee.  That tee comes in a few colors and I see a lot of the sizes are sold out. Keep an eye on them.

I’m a big fan of their lightweight tees as well. As I learn to layer properly, they tend towards the soft side. Pro tip if you’re really busty, the relaxed Vneck anything is going to show ALL your goodies. Get a size down or wear a cami.

My FAVORITE ON tees of all time are these. When I buy them, I buy doubles in each color. I will buy one a size down for a more fitted body con fit, and one my regular size for a slightly looser fit. I find it really easy to layer these with a nice thinner weight sweater or cardigan. For me, (hot flash city up in here) I’m not quite cold enough to be layering the chunkier knits just yet.

Essential for fall, I want soft but not fuzzy texture. I want fabrics that don’t stick together and have a little bit of extra weight to them.

I keep having visions of picking up some thinner weight oversize sweaters. I found some at Amazon that look worth a try.

This one is very cute. I love LOVE layering a cami under a sweater. Pro tip if you are entering or have entered hot flash territory. This type of sweater is thin enough you won’t boil.

Note I think this might be Asian sizing so make sure if you order to read the reviews. Check any photos.

I’m also super into this top/dress thing. Picture it over some faux leather leggings. With maybe a cardigan or other sweaterish thing. Floaty and soft.

For cardigans I have several like this one. Shawl collar and a pixie hem AND it looks soft?

Sign me up.

In my fantasy life, Fall means lots of layers. Lots of mixing things like chiffon and knits, peeks of leather, some faux fur, silky things, all over a good soft tshirt type base layer. Very Strega. For me probably because I live in Seattle, I want to let my inner Fancy Goth out. Lots of layers of skirts, velvet, and of course fancy leggings and my trusty Doc Martens.

That is my dream life. In actual life I’m awful at layering. I might look cute, but tend to not layer the right fabrics together and wind up fidgeting with myself all day. A person can dream tho right?

I think if I can afford to really redo my wardrobe I will be better equipped to dress more to my own preference in Fall.

The other thing about texture in Fall for me is that Fall tends to give me more opportunity to dress a bit more masculine at times. Fall makes me feel more masculine in how I want to present but only my clothes. I want to wear oxfords and nicely cut cord pants. Think low key dapper, cords, sweatervests, I wish I was a tie person but I hate wearing them.

Once upon a time I had quite a collection of vintage and thrifted blazers for this purpose. One of my favorite outfits I’ve ever owned was some black bootcut trousers worn with a very fuzzy ratty black sweatervest and a burgundy velvet blazer. I wore it with my Docs and always felt like a handsome Goth Prince. I’d like to explore that more. We’ll see.

For my face, I like it as always creepy matte. Dead Matte. Dolly matte. During the actual season change, my skin goes bananas. My face gets greasier, my body gets drier and EVERYTHING is wild AF. I’m still rocking with my L’Oreal Pro matte but I’m back on the hunt for the perfect powder that isn’t my holy grail Mac Blot powder because that shit is expensive as hell.

For my face I want big vampy shiny lips. I’m kind of over a matte lip. I love the color selection of matte lippies but I want my mouth luscious.

I’m also getting back into more eyeshadows since I won’t be sweating them into creased up messes.

For my nails, I’m back to wanting em yeah you guessed it, long and dark and shiny.

I tend to wear my nails quite long since I’ve been with the dude. He’s a CIS dude so no need for short nails. I’ll do a whole post about my nails later on.

Okay, tomorrow I want to do a post about what I want this blog to be, talk about my fundraiser and how I’m teaching myself to write about fashion and beauty and stuff on my own terms.


Crafty Post- Yarn Lust Edition


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Hello friends.

Tis the season of a lot of brand new yarns coming out.

If you haven’t seen one of my craft post a few notes. I am a crocheter. Trying to learn how to knit actually gave me anxiety attacks and I cried so…yeah no. Also, I have a terrible wool allergy, a lesser alpaca allergy and it sucks. The worst part is my undying love of beautiful multi color and painterly yarns that do not come in non-wool.

SO imagine how completely stoked I am for some awesome stuff.

First up from one of my favorite yarn brands Premier.

The other week I saw on facebook they released a new yarn and LOOK at the Sweet Roll Yarn. I mean..y’all. Y’ALL. LOOK at all of them. I just..I want them all. I want to make giant, beautiful shawls with them.

I just…UGH. I literally moaned out loud when I saw this too. Also from Premier. Gradient YARN BOXES. So gorgeous. No guesswork. I NEEDS IT PRECIOUS.

Also from premier, I don’t work with lace yarn pretty much at all because so much of it is wool. BUT LOOK, HARK wool free lace yarn. 

One of the problems I have as a crocheter with a wool allergy is that I have a terrible time finding certain types of yarn. Mainly anything super bulky or roving-ish. That being what it is, I really like playing with using say a strand or worsted with a strand of sport for big hook work.

While we’re talking, crafting, I still have the idea that I’d like to try selling my big shawls either online or maybe at craft fairs/stores. That’s one of those things that I find very intimidating. Investing in myself and my simple craft that way. I might try it out,\.

Also, if you know folks who crochet or knit, pro tip. Stuff takes a long time to make. Don’t ask them to whip stuff up because it takes a while.

I have a little bit of a want to try and get into stuff like this.  Mainly because online hasn’t been great for me in terms of people buying stuff I want to sell. However, I do live in Seattle and I don’t really know how well I’d do navigating spaces that heavily white.

What else?

I’ve been reaching out to some fiber artists about finding myself some yarn like this, that is not wool. I really want to try making arty HUGE crochet projects, blankets, lapghans, rugs but everything I’ve found on my own is wool and that is a no go. This whole wool allergy shit is bullshit. It makes doing fiber arts really fucking hard.

I almost feel like I’m going to have to source materials and learn to make my own yarn which poses problems. DIY is fun and all but it takes so much time and money. I already tend to feel really conflicted about spending on my hobby. Poor Kid Guilt is real and given my track record with selling stuff, I tend to feel really bad about it.

Stuff is very complicated.

I’m thinking about it all.

Before I go, here have a looksy at my fave yarns page. I’ll probably update that with some new ones later this week.

Do you make stuff? Feel free to tell/show me the things.

Struggle Bus Naturals- Quick and Dirty new naturals tips.


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Hello my gorgeous friends.

Today I want to talk about being newly natural and confused AF.

As usual, there will be amazon affiliate links.

And as with all stuff, this is my experience. Your mileage may vary. Before we get into tips, let’s talk natural hair jargon.

Low/no poo- this is basically when you either use sulfate shampoos rarely or not at all.

Sulfates- OKAY here is a thing. A lot of natural hair related stuff will scare tactic you with the term sulfates. OMG SO DANGEROUS, DESTROYS HAIR..IT IS DISHSOAP. Nope. Sulfate only describes the stuff that makes the thing clean your hair. Or your car or your dishes. The sulfates in your shampoo are not exactly the same as what you use in your dishwasher. Sulfate shampoos are not inherently evil. Some folks have hair that can tolerate being super squeaky cleaned with suds, some don’t.

In the same vein, CHEMICALS. Okay, let’s have a real talk. Chemicals are everything, everything is chemicals. Water is a chemical. Chemicals are not to be inherently feared because they are both natural and man made. That said, anything can cause an adverse reaction and that does not automatically mean a product or ingredient is the devil. You can be allergic to water.

Pro tips about allergens: if you have a nut allergy be very careful using anything with shea butter or coconut oil. How do you know if you’re having a reaction? Redness, intense itching, hives etc. If you have those, or fear a reaction, stop using something. If it is i n your hair, try shampooing with a gentle shampoo and rinsing very very well.

Cowash- As I talked about here, this is using conditioner or a conditioner based cleanser to clean your hair.

L.O.C Method- My personal favorite method of keeping my hair well moisturized and in good condition. It stands for Leave In, Oil and Cream. We’ll talk about that a bit further down.

EVOO- Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Pre-poo- Treating your hair with conditioner or oil prior to washing.

DCing- Deep conditioning. Using a dedicated deep conditioner ideally under a plastic cap or bag, for 15 minutes to however long with or without extra heat.

Big Chop- Cutting off all your relaxed hair.

Transition- Going natural without a big chop.

Tip no. 1) Limit yourself as to how much advice you take in. Including mine. I got very big eyes when I first went natural and in the process wound up spending a lot of money, doing some damage to my hair and ultimately feeling really stressed that my transition to natural wasn’t going like it seemed to go in the hair blogs. So, slow your roll.

2.) Start simple. Whether you big chop or transition start easy. Establish a simple routine for yourself so you have a baseline idea of how to take care of your hair. When I transitioned to natural here’s what I did: I found that my hair responds well to heavier butter based moisturizers. I started using whipped shea butters to moisturize my hair. I discovered that my hair doesn’t really like hard core protein. Basically, take your time and get to know your hair.

This is especially important for those who had relaxed hair for a really long time. Let me tell you a story.

When I was first fully natural I was envisioning myself with a perfectly round little afro (a TWA) just like my Mom had back in the day. I remembered her tightly coiled hair and how shiny it was and yadda yadda.

What I have…is not that on my head. My natural hair is incredibly variously textured. From 4/a/b in spots to almost straight in a few sections. I thought it was damaged so I spent the first few years being natural cutting a lot off of my hair. Then I realized that’s just my hair.

Other things to get to know about your hair when you’re starting out. I wish I’d known about porosity.  Once you figure out what kind of porosity you’re working with, learning what products work for you will be easier.

3.) If you don’t know how, try learning how to cornrow. I personally can’t. I’ve tried and tried and can’t do it. But, I do believe it’s a great skill to have.

4.) Start out with good habits. Don’t detangle on dry hair. Soak it in conditioner or oil or get it wet. Work in sections. Even if your hair is very short, learn to work in sections. Learn to shampoo properly. Concentrate shampoo on your scalp and let the run off cleanse your hair. As a general rule, if you shampoo spend twice the time rinsing than you do sudsing. Don’t use your nails on your scalp use the pads of your fingers.

5.) Figure out a good method to trim your hair. Alternately decide if you want a pro to do it. I use the search and destroy method most often.

Those are my tips for those just starting. Let’s talk some details.

I’ll tell you about my routine with my hair.

I’m a protective styler. Mainly because I’m bad at styling but also because I’m trying to retain every bit of growth I get. My go to protective styles are buns and wigs.

Under my wig, my hair is braided into smallish braids. Not cornrows. I take them down every two weeks to cleanse. One week I will cowash another I will use shampoo. I always pre-treat my hair with coconut oil. After I do that, I wash and deep condition. I fully detangle my hair in the shower and put it into 4 big twists. I let that air dry a bit then I use the LOC method and rebraid my hair.

Every other month or so I deep clean my hair or clarify it. Pro-tip, if your hair isn’t taking moisture like it usually does, try doing this to strip all residue from your scalp and hair.

I will use the OGX Tea Tree and peppermint shampoo first. After I rinse that out, I use the Shea Moisture raw shea moisture retention shampoo. That combo does both my hair and scalp good.

I follow up clarifying with an intense deep conditioner. My favorites are the Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Replenishing Conditioner but only in the packets. The bottle doesn’t seem to work as well for me. I’m also a big fan of the SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Masque. The Shea Moisture products tend to be very very heavily scented so be aware of that. I also love the Dark and Lovely AU Naturale Moisture L O C Deep Conditioning Delight.

Once my hair has air dried a bit I start with my LOC method. I have used Heritage Store Rosewater & Glycerin. I added a bit of light castor oil and it worked very nicely for me. For more slip, I highly recommend My DNA Leave-in Conditioner and Detangler. I used two bottles of this and it worked very nicely both times.

For oil you can use plain oils, probably not castor oil because of how heavy it is. But EVOO, coconut or whatever. I have a super secret about oils. I use commercial oils that have stuff I like in them. Check for hair loving herbs and stuff. My faves are, African Royale Hot Six Hair OilDoo Gro Mega Thick Growth Oil (I don’t know if this accelerates growth but I do love this formula).

For my cream layer I alternate between the Shea Moisture Strengthen Grow & Restore Loc & Braid Butter and a handmade whipped shea butter I picked up on etsy.

Usually because I always sleep with my hair wrapped I generally do this without unbraiding my hair twice a week.

Voila. A quick start guide.

Our next struggle bus naturals beginner thing, we’re going to talk about what to do with products you don’t particularly care for. We’ll talk about dollar store treasures. And talk about keeping your hair care budget manageable.

OH and last tip, stay hydrated. Being well hydrated is just all round good for you!

Old Goth Shoe Review-Dolly Bae Harlots Web Boots.


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A few months ago I had a gift card to Dolls Kill and I spent a few weeks figuring out what I wanted. Pro-tip they are not average size and up folk friendly for clothing. A lot of their clothing is only stocked in small sizes and a lot of the supposed one size stuff doesn’t fit above a size 8.

That being what it is, I picked up the Dolly Bae Harlots Web boots while they were on clearance.

These caught my eye because of the clear compartment and little plastic spiders inside the platform. Also being that the platform isn’t solid I figured they’d be pretty light as well. I’ve worn these a few times and here we go.

First up the box. They arrived in a huge glossy box see below:


[Image description: shiny black box with the words “Dolly Bae” in white script on it.

The boots were very well packaged. Each was both stuffed with tissue paper and there was that thin foamy stuff taped around the platform so they wouldn’t scuff in transit. Excellent.

Packaging A++.

Now here is how the shoes look at my feet, for reference I wear a size 7m in women’s shoes.


[Image description: Black lace up shoes with black embroidered spider webs on top.

Okay so the upper is real leather. The embroidery is very nice. The leather has a nice thick but not hard feel. It is already starting to loosen up nicely after a few wears and walking around.

The laces are your standard round laces. They are long enough that if you have wider or fatter feet you should be able to lace them comfortable. There is a large industrial style zipper up the back and here is where I knock a couple of points off. The zipper action is very hard. I will likely oil the zipper a little to try and ease the action. That said, I believe the zipper is going to be pretty durable.

The platform, y’all.

The specs: these have a 3″ platform that is hollow inside with a bunch of baby plastic black spiders in it. Now if you look at the photos it looks like there is a ton, but really there aren’t that many. The bottom of the platform has a nice sole. See here:


[image description: Platform ankle boots showing a clear platform with black plastic spiders inside.

The spiders move around while you walk and make a little noise. If you are sensitive to small kinda scratchy noises you won’t like them.

This type of platform is pretty great if you don’t like to wear heels or are newer to higher platforms. Like any other platforms since you don’t feel your feet hit the ground they can take a bit of getting used to. And you’ll probably stumble at least once I have.

Overall- I would have actually paid full price for these. I feel like the construction is solid, the wear is comfy, there is even some arch support which a lot of Goth shoes don’t have. A-.

I also had my eye on these Demonia boots. But here’s the thing about Demonia as a brand. I’ve worn Demonia boots for a long, long time and the last pair I purchased in probably 2013 or so were not great. The last pair I bought was these and while they are cute as shit, the construction is a hot shitty pants mess. On the inside of the boot in the toe box there is a weird solid ridge of plastic that cuts into my toes.

My problem with Demonia has been iffy construction. I have another pair of Demonia boots that are probably 7 years old and are fantastic. Also for the tall boots the calf circumference can be small.

So if you’re gonna wear Demonia, do try them on first if you can.

Also FYI- I really can’t write about all of the current terrible news. I can’t. So posting round these parts is gonna be fluffy and shiny because I have to take care of my mental health.

Cold Weather Style Feels.


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In the past few months I’ve discovered (old news I know, but I AM OLD deal with it) Strega/Dark more fashion. Thank you tumblr.

One of the features of these styles I am in love with are a lot of the beautiful knit type items folks layer with. So, to that end, I’ve decided to make myself some of those because reasons.

I already crochet and have started a couple of my big giant shawls for myself. I have been looking into arm knitting as well.

I’m looking at making one of these shawls.  I have a terrible wool allergy so a lot of the projects with the awesome huge chunky yarns have been inaccessible to me until, DUN DUN DUN… (affiliate links ahead)

Bernat Mega Bulky yarn. I saw this yarn not long ago and want it so bad. I love how it looks. I want to try it out.

Red Heart Boutique Twilight Yarn in Armour delivers the sparkle with no wool and that jumbo size.

Another favorite is Lion Brand Homespun.

Back to the Dark Mori. I’m SO into the idea because I love the idea and being that I’m outside a lot, I feel like it should work. That said, I’m terrible at it. I’m going to try harder this fall and winter. I think giving myself teh task of making myself some of the top/upper layer accessories will help get me started

I’m collecting up images and inspo and when I’ve got some more of my shit together I’ll post some of my actual outfit ideas.

I think I might have a little bulky yarn hidden in my stash and this weekend I’m gonna try to dig out some of my shawls for wearing.

Also in this cold weather fashion trend of mine, I’ll probably angst about my struggle with finding appropriate shoes that I can afford.

Are any of y’all crafty? Show me the stuff you make. I promise I won’t bite you if you’re cool.

Coming up soon, we’re gonna talk buying leggings, we’re gonna talk about Fall/Winter textures AND OMG I’m super stoked I’m gearing up for a quick and dirty guide for newly naturals.

I’m really excited about what’s happening in my new little blog here.

Thanks for visiting.

ALSO, if you want to see more of my choices for woolfree awesome yarns, check out this link (also linked above) of some of my faves. ALSO I’ll be adding a craft section to my Amazon store as well.