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Dear assorted Men and Men type folks,

Listen.

See this face:

noface

Photo of the author, brown skinned wearing black frame glasses, dark purple lipstick and a scowl.

This is the face of a person who had to deal with some next level male entitlement before even having any coffee.

Let me set the scene.

Yours truly boarded the bus and settled in with some great stuff loaded up on my kindle to read. I had in earbuds, had my kindle all up in my face and was reading. Now, I don’t know what men are told, but generally speaking, if another human has reading material in their face and headphones of whatever sort in their ears, they probably don’t want to talk to you.

Enter, entitled nasty ass old man.

This man decided to move seats three times to get my attention. Finally, he sat next to me, way closer than is necessary and started yammering at me.

“Oh, what are you bout 22? Damn you look good. I’m a vet, come to my house.”

Seriously 0-come to my place in two seconds.

I said, no. No, I don’t want to talk to you. When I pointed out that if I was 22 he was likely old enough to be my Grandpa and no. He got offended and told me again that he’s a vet and I should show my thanks. Apparently by going to his house and fucking him today.

After two minutes of this bullshit I started to get loud and there were enough dirty looks aimed at him that he moved and I went back to my book.

At what point is it exactly that no becomes an incomplete thought?

At what point should it become a grown ass mans responsibility to realize, hey, this person does not want to talk to me and off I shall fuck?

I have a note for nice guys.

Dudes like this have fucked it up for you forever.

Here’s the thing. You might be a totally nice and interesting dude. Shit, if I didn’t have somebody I might want to holler at you.

However, after years of being treated like an Pussy Vending machine that if pussy doesn’t happen gets accosted in various ways, nah.

This type of treatment started even before I had boobs. As a flat chested, chubby little potato, grown ass men felt it was totally okay to offer me money or whatever to “keep them company”. I wasn’t even old enough to understand what it meant for a grown man to call me sweet and hot. It just made me uncomfortable and afraid.

As a teenager I understood what grown men meant when they asked what I wore under my cheerleading outfit or if I was still pure.

Now I’m a grown ass person. I’m almost 40 goddamn years old and after so many years I have zero tolerance.

Zero.

If I’m putting out do not speak to me vibes, via no eye contact, headphones, book in my face and straight up not speaking; leave me the fuck alone or yes, I’m GONNA get loud and rude because you are taking up my time and getting on my goddamn nerves.

And no, it’s not just one incident. It is all of them.

A few of the less traumatic:

  • Guy who “just wanted to talk” following me damn near all the way home. Without my consent.
  • Group of guys cornering me in a store to get to go party with them.
  • Being grabbed in a bar because “I like my girls thick”
  • Being chased and subsequently getting rocks thrown at me because I would not flash some random group of dudes in a car.
  • Guy got out of his car balling up his fists because when he asked how much I said no.

Other gems?

Guy offers me a drink of who knows what on the street, I say no thank you he starts hollering- FINE YOU UGLY BLACK BITCH.

Kay.

Well… In case it’s not completely clear, I don’t like that shit.

It’s exhausting. And that’s why I’m pissed off and yes, yes, I have zero interest in talking to any man who approaches me for any damn reason.

It’s been too many years of this type of bullshit. Too many years of trying to be polite, trying to be aggressive, trying to educate, trying to be “nice”.

I’m tired of being 100% and saying hey look I’m not interested and having to deal with some dude having a meltdown. I don’t know you. I don’t owe you shit. I don’t have to be nice when you’re obviously not being nice. I don’t HAVE to talk to you when I don’t want to.

Just because I’m alone at any given moment, doesn’t mean I’m waiting for you.

No is a complete sentence.

Body language is a thing.

Don’t fucking touch people without their consent. If they say no, leave them the fuck alone.

And if you find your feathers ruffling up to talk about how you are the most gentlemanly of gentlemen, thank these other douchebags for fucking it up for you. You, You in particular might be great. Shit, we could be honest, but, all these other fuckers fucked it up.

So what now?

I think I’m going to make myself some coffee and load some more great stuff to read on my commute. I’ll chalk up today as yet another reason why I don’t fuck with strangers and mostly strange men in general.