Amusements and Hustles.

First amusements.

When I got dressed this morning my main needs were comfy, somewhat warm and comfy. I am wearing leggings, a black cami and a big grey sweater and OTK black boots. Here is half my oufit:

ootd

As I was walking to the bus I had the most vivid memory.

Imagine yours truly, a middle teens potato. I remember I bought a black catsuit from the dirtmall (swapmeet) and I had these little kitten heel ankle boots and a color blocked acetate blazer WITH them shoulder pads. I put together this outfit with these big ass hoop earrings, some bangles and yes big ass bangs. I felt so cute for about two seconds and promptly burst into tears.

I recall stripping it all off and putting it in a drawer. I never once wore that catsuit. I remember throwing myself on my bed face down (in classic TV teen fashion) and crying my eyes out because how dare fat little me think I could ever expose people to the sight of my ass in that cat suit. I wrote for days in my diary about what a terrible shit person I was for even considering it.

I wrote about how I knew what size the girls people I knew called “cows” and that I was bigger than them and I imagined what people might say about me.

What’s amusing is that now, more than half my life later all those things I thought are so foreign to me. They don’t hurt anymore. I can look back and kind of shake my head at baby me. I want to go back in time and tell them that their body was great. That their body was a wee tank and to stop fucking doing high impact sports and exercise.

The other thing that I find amusing is that my current internal monologue about my body revolves around keeping my ass the size it is, being mad that my underboob is chafing or that I’ve unleashed hell fire between my thighs by forgetting to get my chub rub protection on.

So you know, if you are struggling with this stuff. If you work on it and learn to adjust your thinking it does get better, someday you might even be like me look back and just kind of chuckle.

Now some hustle news.

I am back in the Amazon Affiliate program.

This means a few things for this here bloggy blog.

  1. I will use A LOT of amazon links. I don’t make that much but it adds up.
  2. I have stated rebuilding my amazon store. Basically I pretend like I get to have my ultimate beauty, book and thangs store. Everything in it is hand picked by me. I make choices about it. So far it’s just beauty and books but I’ll be adding a clothing section a food/snax/tea section and probably a gadgets/tech section. Find it here. 

Also, I’m working on doing some extra stuff over at Patreon. This week I posted up a free story set in the universe of my ongoing draft of my first urban fantasy book The Daiyu Saga. Get that here.

I am seriously doubling down on that grind right now. I am also working on some new special content for this lil spot.

Wig review is on the way. More beauty reviews. You know the shit I like.

That’s all my darlings. I’m going to also consider doing a few more beauty things. I have stuff to say.

Later taters. Happy Pride if you celebrate it. Be safe, hug people you love and have a fine damn time.

Cranky Old Goth.

I know I’m always cranky, but bear with me, I’m a chubby ass Old Goth and I got beef.

Like many wise Old Goths I know better than to be mad when dark styles come back around again. The thing that makes it great is that a lot of stuff becomes accessible and affordable. A lot of us chunky ass Old Goths magically have more choices to stock up on.

So if you’ve seen there is a huge Witchy Occulty dark aesthetic happening all over and I’m here for it.

Now let me reminisce about some good old days, circa let’s say ’95 to, uh, let’s say 2005 or so.Back in the day as we Olds like to call it, we had a pretty good selection of Goth shit. Sturdy shit. Shit, I could pack my ass into between the sizes of let’s say 8-18.

It was a great fucking time.

Now cut to now, 2016.

Today I was doing some browsing and wow, damn if I didn’t have a flashback to being a baby size 14 fatty and only being able to look at purses and shoes with my friends.

One one hand FUCK YES give it ALL to me in Black and spooky but god damn.

Examples.

I fell in absolute love with this dress from Dolls Kill.  I mean I fell ASS over tea kettle in love with it. I have a 20$ gift card for Dolls Kill in my purse and I was 99% sure I could order it next week with money from one of my side hustles.

But, because I’ve been a fatty for a long time and Alt clothing has turned from pretty stuff for ALL the booties to maybe if you’re pretty skinny and tall-I emailed.

I will say that their CS was very fast and polite. I do like how their stuff is worded. I feel like if I could be their customer, I’d I’d be their babe. That said that size range for pieces like that is reported as 0-8.

Um.

Bruh.

Whet…WAT.

I will say that I’ve seen a good number of folks outside of that size range who would probably clamor to buy stuff in that style, or in lots of other styles carried in that shop (things that aren’t shoes or accessories) but..seriously?

Okay so….obviously I and folks like me and fat folks are not their customer. And really I knew it going in (looking at their models/aesthetics) but god damn it I really wanted that dress.

I decided to have another look around and frankly I’ve found two shops with the witch bitch occulty I don’t give a fuck aesthetic I love that even tries to cater to more than thin folks.

Have a looksy through this shop. It’s not exactly the same aesthetic but a fat bitch can get there at this store. Look through and look at their models. Look at the looks.

I’ve said it for years but honestly, really?

It is 20-motherfucking-16.

Can more indie flavored shops start helping a fat bitch out?

I want my ass in some hot witchy attire that isn’t necessarily Ren Faire worthy (not that I don’t love that I do but come on, I need variety), I want to stop with this “Alt” culture that is really only pretending to be an alternative.

I mean can we agree that it’s far more radical if that’s your schitck to at least TRY to serve more people than those who are a size 0-8?

One one hand, I do follow a lot of shops on Etsy etc that do some really great occulty/witch bitch style clothes. However, a lot of those are OOAK (one of a kind) or hand made to order and I do not have enough money to be buying all that kind of thing. I want to take advantage of stuff being around.

And yes, I know how to find knock offs from stores in Asia and will occasionally take the risk. I know that yes, I could find tshirts that are big and baggy but available in sizes outside of that 0-8 type but that’s not what I want.

I want skater dresses/skirts that are longer than bum covers. If I want a bum cover (A beef many of my fellow Old Goths has had with, ahem, Lip Service)  I’ll buy a bum cover.

I want the flexibility in a garment that might be baggy on a very thin person and might be less baggy on a not thin person.

And nope let’s not blame the manufacturers. Let’s not blame fat folks for not buying.

Fat people will buy if it is available. I will do some free ass market research right now.

If you go to any basic fatty store, you’ll see a lot of expensive poly office wear and tents and shit.

Now if fat folks (and others who are not thin) will pay for that, we’ll pay for stuff with a real aesthetic. Even an Alt one.

Think I’m joking?

Take a poll on social media and spread the word. Ask if you made stuff or sought things in sizes L-above and watch the raised hands

The secret is, you can’t be like a lot of retailers and shove anyone over a size 10 into some weird we don’t want you seen in our clothes corner.

You have to do the work.

You have to make sure that the community knows you’re there.

If you feature customers, try featuring some who don’t look exactly like your professional models.

Put in the work. Reap the rewards.

You can feel like FUCK YES we did something good.

FUCK YES look at our mothafuckin bottom line!

I mean, come on y’all.

Okay, that’s it for now. I’m going to go back to fucking Hot Topic and maybe pick out a new dress. Or maybe I will try to trade my Dolls Kill gift card for someplace more welcoming of me and my ass.

AND I invite y’all to drop some links to dark, witchy stores that don’t only stock Chic Starr bullshit and have some flair and welcome my xl size ass.

And no for real follow Shop Tunnel Vision as linked above. I like them a lot and I’ve got a few things from them that were gifts and are awesome. Give them some love.

 

Natural Hair Quick Reviews.

In the interest of my own sanity I can’t talk about Orlando right now.

Instead I’ll talk about hair.

I’ve gone back to my favorite protective style and I’ve got some empty products so let’s talk about that instead.

First up, I’m a big fan of the LOC method for moisturizing. Especially now that I’m back wearing wigs it is pretty perfect.

My favorite leave in out of the half dozen or so I’ve used over the past yearish is the My DNA Leave In Conditioner. (Affiliate links in this post).  Here is the description from the Sally website:

  • Strengthens weak areas and repairs split ends
  • Promotes healthy hair growth from the follicle
  • Moisturizes deep within the hair shaft
  • Smooths and aligns cuticle layer

My DNA Leave-In Conditioner and Detangler saturates natural hair textures with intense moisture to hydrate and detangle for improved manageability. Its formula features an infusion of Monoi de Tahiti flowers to nourish and protect for shiny, healthy hair as well as stimulate the scalp and hair roots.

This product isn’t super scented and has a nice hefty spray. The bottle also features an on/off type switch so you don’t make a mess if you’re like me and accident prone. The texture is like a liquidy lotion. It provides excellent slip for my mid week detangling and is excellent after shampoo. If you low or no poo, it can leave a bit of buildup so be sure to clarify once in a while using it. Overall excellent price point (buy at Sally not amazon) and accessible to the naturalista on a budget.

For my oil I’ve used a lot of them. Straight coconut, olive oil, jojoba etc. My main concern with any product is that there is no mineral oil or petrolatum. Both of those do not agree with my hair. My budget friendly go to tends to be this African Royale Hot Six Oil. It has a nice blend of oils and a pleasant fruity scent.

For my edges and ends I am a devout user of Jamaican Black Castor oil. I can’t find my photos, but I had a legit bald spot from anxiety last year a bit bigger than the size of a quarter in the edges on my left side of my head. I religiously use JBCO on my edges nightly and damn if they aren’t back. And it protests my ends. Do not fall for bullshit get the real stuff. It has a slightly smoky odor and is a very thick oil. If you want to use it as a treatment best to cut it with conditioner or a lighter oil.

For my cream I’ve been experimenting and looking for something I love.

I have yet to find the dream product, but here are a few I’m pretty fond of. My hair likes a good heavy butter based cream.

Let’s start with the Beautiful Textures Moisture Butter Whipped Curl Creme. This has a bit of a too sweet smell for my taste, but overall it moisturizes nicely. The texture is a bit more pudding than cream, you can tell it has a good amount of water in it so it doesn’t work the best for me for sealing. I have noticed that it’s not quite heavy enough for my hair that is more of a z coil and those areas can wind up needing extra love when I use this. That said, I always have a tub of this around.

Next up the Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen, Grow and Restore Leave-In Conditioner by SheaMoisture. On one hand, I really wanted to super love this. However, it is kind of a meh for me. I found that it leaves a whitish cast on my hair and I’m not into that. I first tried it while I was bunning and noticed in the sun my hair looked coated and dull. That aside, under my wig it works fine. It’s not super.

My favorite of all time is the Oyin Whipped Pudding. Y’all..this shit right here my hair LOVES it. My pocketbook, not so much. I know pay for quality and whatnot but I just can’t afford to use it regularly.

I can’t honestly recommend going all DIY for this stuff. Personally, it’s just too expensive to buy ALL the stuff to do it myself. I know how, I just don’t have the resources.

So that said, let’s talk about some stuff that’s great to have on hand to magic up stuff or super charge conditioners and detangling and whatnot. A lot of these are also multi use and you can even get some of them at your local grocery store.

(These are not affiliate links)

Light castor oil.  Always make sure you grab the food grade. You can use this to add in to deep conditioning treatments to give them more oomph, you can take a tablespoon if you’re constipated, you can use it as a hot oil treatment, you can add it into a self made detangling mix.  I use a lot of this when I do my cowash recipe (I’ll post that next time I do it) and it is a staple in my hair stuff closet.

Coconut Oil. I am a devotee. I always use coconut oil on damp hair as a preshampoo treatment. It has worked the best for my hair. I’ve cooked with it, added a few tablespoons to some sugar and scrubbed my butt with it, I put it in cocoa when I felt kind of queasy, weird but it also seemed to help me get to sleep. I’ll have to investigate that more closely. I right now have two ginormous containers because it is kinda everything.

Tea tree mix. Now listen here. Try the mix. Straight tea tree can be irritating and too strong. Also expensive. This brand of tea tree oil mix is perfect for adding to shampoos, conditioners, using a bit on your scalp if you’re itchy. Easy to use. No fuss.Another staple I always put in my cowash mix. Also check the ethnic section at your local walgreens, walmart etc. This one is pretty easy to find.

Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar. Y’all, I confess I was super late to this party because I really hate how acv smells. I hates it precious. That said, this shit right here. God damn. I’ve used it diluted half and half with water as a between shampoo and conditioner rinse- amazing. I use it in my cowash mix. Hell yes. I wanted to say that ACV no, but damn ACV yes.

That’s pretty much it. Currently I’m keepin it pretty simple.

Later this week how about a wig review?

With some tips from somebody who can’t really braid, but my wigs are semi laid.

 

 

 

Dear Men and Men Types-The Remix

Apparently some of what I said in this post was taken quite literally and I spent some time afterwards explaining/watching the whole concept being explained to nice guys.

Now here’s the thing about men whose first reaction to anything a woman type says is, BUT I AM A NICE GUY- it is a rare thing that anything good comes after.

From Nice Guys, I’ve heard recently:

  • Oh well if nobody can EVER APPROACH a woman ever, I guess humans will die out.
  • I’m a NICE guy, how could you judge ALL men that way?
  • You’re sexist.
  • Well, if I would have said that about Black ppl I’d be racist.

Okay.

Contrary to some of what I’ve heard, I do in fact like and love men. I talk to strange men when I feel like it.

The big difference between strange men I will talk to and won’t talk to is how they behave. If the first impression I get from a man is that he will ignore the fact that I haven’t given consent to get in my space, touch me, touch my phone, touch my book, or call me a bitch at what point should I deduce that this guy, is a Nice Guy?

And often those guys, usually tell me how nice they are after I’ve made it clear I don’t want to have contact with or communicate with them.

Nice? You sure about that?

Let’s talk about what constitutes showing or verbalizing consent, I saw quite a few men who seemed to have a tough time with this so let’s break it down some.

If you are speaking to someone and they do things, including but not limited to:

  • Turning their back
  • Pulling away
  • Looking away
  • Looking at their phone
  • Doing anything but engaging with you
  • Grunting one syllable answers
  • Rolling their eyes
  • Groaning
  • Sighing
  • Screeching like a Velociraptor-

They probably don’t want to talk to you. And the why isn’t important because it is not any of your business. Maybe they have a partner, maybe they are gay, maybe they just spent a whole day having to deal with fuckass people and they just want to chill out, maybe they have someplace to go, maybe they don’t like your hair..whatever. Doesn’t matter. The answer is still no.

Women are socialized and taught both directly and indirectly that, if we don’t say no, we’re fucking dirty sluts, if we say no, we’re stuck up bitches, if we just want to go on about our day we are somehow holding men down.

Thus a lot of us get pretty salty about this issue.

Most of us who are or identify as women know the second we don’t give our consent to interact or be touched, some bullshit might happen.

I personally have been yelled at, chased by men in a car, cornered, shoved, had a man try to hit me, pushed into the street, spit at/on. And those times I will tell you my no wasn’t aggressive. A little nervous smile and a no thanks, no eye contact etc.

When I was younger, I believed if I was nice about it, it would be okay. It wasn’t.

What amazes me, especially about Nice Guys is that so many pretend ignorance.

They pretend like women have some sort of extrasensory abilities (CALL ME MOTHA FUCKIN WEAPON X) where we will know if this guy, this nice guy who ignored our first no, won’t hurt us.

We’re supposed to somehow glean (despite the actions of many Nice Guys is to the contrary) that this guy, this guy who texted us to make sure it was a real number, or who followed us home, or kept talking to us, is gonna be The Nice Guy to change our minds about men.

How much of a Nice Guy can you be, if you can’t acknowledge a simple no?

How much of a Nice Guy can you be, if you can’t acknowledge that a whole lot of really not nice guys  have worked very hard to fuck it up for everybody?

No?

The thing is, it’s not about who is and isn’t a nice guy.

It is about understanding that as I said previously, women are not Pussy vending machines.

It is not our responsibility to available sexually to any man who wants us.

Here’s the thing.

Understand that without the basis of at least trying to be respectful and show a basic understanding of consent, we got nothing.

Beyond that, this behavior tells me in no uncertain terms you aren’t to be trusted with my time, body or anything else.

Any time the first response of a person to something I’ve said boils down to, BUT WHAT ABOUT MEEEE NOT MEEEE..NEVER ME…what I hear is, yes me. Or not me, but I am so wonderful and special I can’t entertain that someone who is not me has a different life experience than mine and I’m SO IPORTANT I MUST MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS IT IS NOT ME.

That sort of defensiveness whether it is white fragility or male fragility is just exhausting.

If you really want to prove what a Nice Guy you are, don’t come out of the gate swinging your disrespect for my actual lived life like a club. Don’t walk into a very hard conversation- look, let’s keep it 100 okay? I don’t really enjoy talking about these things. It’s exhausting and when you add the emotional labor of dealing with comments, having to delete rape threats from “nice guys”, telling people no that is not actually what I said etc etc takes a fucking toll- don’t walk into that conversation to take over and make the point that my actual life is incorrect.

Don’t tell me I don’t know how to read aggression.

Don’t tell me that it’s my fault.

Don’t tell me how to modify my behavior.

Listen.

Take it in.

Do some extra reading.

If you are in fact really deeply bothered that the world has come to people like me saying things like, hey MEN STOP IT, don’t be part of that problem. Do what you can to educate yourself and listen. Then, once you’ve learned some BE that shit, be a real live Nice Guy and help out.

Don’t allow harassment to happen around you, but keep yourself safe. Because actual Nice guys aren’t safe from the repercussions of sexual harassment.

Share the work of folks like me.

Just don’t add to it.

 

Now, since I’m not just about chastisement, next week I’ll talk about how to read body language, figure out if someone wants to talk to you and how to pay a compliment that isn’t gross.

Peace Out.

The Shape of a Dream Life.

In a lot of the work I do on myself as a human, one of the questions I struggle with the most is picturing or visualizing what my dream life would be.

Where in my dreams (not the huge, impossible I won the lotto dreams the maybe attainable kind) would I live?

How would my home look?

What would I do with my time?

What sorts of things might I buy when the fancy struck?

What would I eat?

The main thing that makes this type of exercise about these things in particular so hard for me is that emotionally I still feel like a person in a dangerous place financially. This is something I’ve been working on constantly for a decade.

Often, I feel like my progress in understanding and dealing with my own poverty trauma gets only so far and something happens that just destroys my sense of progression and well being. Whether it’s an unexpectedly large bill, recently a change in how frequently I get paid sent me into a tailspin of panic and terror. And here is where I feel like the problems come in with my visualizations.

Prior to my most recent meltdown, I had a pretty good handle on things. Our budget was working out pretty well, bills getting paid etc etc. The change meant we had to change when/how we can pay bills because while there’s the same amount of money available, when it is available has changed.

My quest for nesting that I’d been on previously kind of fizzled out.

I have a hard time buying pretty things for the house when I feel that kind of oh shit what are we going to do for X number of days between paychecks?

That is the magic place I get stuck. How can I invest in making (assuming we don’t move or aren’t priced out) a better quality of life and creating a home, no I’m talking capital H home, Home when there’s this other shit?

All that said, I’m going to try.

I think for me the first sign of that Dream is the ability to eat what I want when I want. What I mean by that is not having to plan, say getting teriyaki or getting the supplies to have this type of food available to me at work or whatever.

food

[Photo of a white paper plate with some crackers, pea pods, turkey slices and cheddar cheese]

Logically, I realize this is not fancy food. Emotionally, this was a fancy food week. I went to the store before work and picked up a bag of fresh peas, a box of Ritz crackers, sharp cheddar cheese (sidenote: I discovered I can eat it without gut bomb side effects YAY), and a pack of that fancy deli sliced turkey. Normally my food budget for a week of food for work is about 10$. Granted, that ten dollars doesn’t usually leave me sated and feeling good. For those ten bucks I get fuel.

In the Good Life (what we’ll call it) I could eat that way when I want.

As far as purchasing goes, I’d like to feel what it is like not to plan out a purchase like a military strike. For me if it is over 10$ it takes planning. I want to feel some sense of spontaneity without the sense of panic or impending doom. DOOM.

I’ll give you an example. With the nice weather happening, I realized I needed new day to day flats. My feet have been a problem for a few years and I’ve sworn off of cheap flats in favor of decent ones. My process for this went roughly as follows:

  • Recognized need for shoes.
  • Felt terrible about not wearing shoes that hurt my feet, don’t fit properly, are worn out.
  • Felt further terrible about feeling terrible.
  • Start over.
  • Price “comfortable” flats.
  • Check budget.
  • Recheck budget.
  • Plan out for shoes in 6 weeks.
  • Change mind because 50$ no.
  • Stress poop.
  • Start over.
  • Feel stupid for doing all this.
  • Feel worse for being anxious about fucking shoes.

I did that for about two weeks and did not get shoes.

My partner wanted to take me to the fancy walking shoes store. The kind of spot that has Danskos, Clarks etc. Expensive ass shoes. I have some thrifted Danskos I like, but that aren’t super comfy for day to day wear. And I balked. Instead, I bought some pretty okay shoes on ebay and called it a day. That’s the thing I’d like not to have in The Good life.

That is the thing. Really that is the theme of what would happen in my Good Life.

This is the aftermath of poverty and the trauma that comes with it. This is also a result of living in the greater Seattle area and the wildfire of gentrification.

The confluence of my cost of living skyrocketing, my pay being delivered differently, etc. really triggers all of this and I’m working hard on it.

For right now I’m concentrating on keeping my anxiety levels around bill paying and rent and fear down.

I’m still nesting at home. I’ve been working on creating an altar for my, uh, spiritual woos. It’s slow going, it’s hard as fuck but I’m doing it and that is what feels good.

How to Write about Fat People

Lately on the facebooks and around the internet I’ve seen a trend I both love and hate.

I’ve seen clickbaity stories where the big reveal is OMG this person is doing a thing AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEY ARE FAT.

The other thing I see is like this:

Video link gets posted and the description is something like blablabla, despite being fat, blablabla but fat/large/rotund/enter other cutesy word that is not fat.

Here is the problem.

It’s not body positive at all to use fat people doing things that seem extraordinary (exercising, being cute in a bikini, walking, living you know being human) in spite of what we perceive as something insurmountable to doing the thing. Being fat.

(This also applies to disability inspiration porn, but we’ll get to that)

We don’t expect fat people to ever, EVER dare to feel good about themselves or have the body confidence or style or an interest in dancing or running or yoga or ANYTHING deemed by our culture as beyond the reach of people who live in fat bodies.

Viewed through the moralistic lens that tells us that in addition to being unsightly, being fat is just immoral, these articles, video shares etc support the idea that being fat is the thing that will make it hard to attain goals. Whether they are flying to Paris, buying a wedding dress, getting a tattoo, whatever. Fat people are often expected to be constantly vigilant about not being fat anymore.

Whether that is through constant dieting, pathological eating or exercise habits, by any means necessary. Fat people are often expected to make that the priority.

There is our setup.

Next, when we present fat people doing things and have the background to understand that their fatness is not only supposed to be unsightly, it is also immoral and as our culture dictates the one thing that might keep fat people from doing things.

If we are coming from that point, of course we have to put the modifiers on our discussions of fat people doing things.

Large but graceful…

Plus size and so brave….

Unhealthy fat bitch but oh wow, I wish I could do that (an actual comment I saw on a dance video last night).

This is such a problem riddle me this.

A photo of one of the fat, like really fucking fat yoga person in a complicated beautiful poses. They had their hams out and fat flyin in the wind and it was pretty amazing. Half of the posts where people (both fat and not) who first wanted to talk about how the yoga person would have been SO MUCH BETTER if they were thinner, and then with the modifiers in place talk about how great it is to see a fat person overcoming their fatness to do something.

The mind fuck is real.

This is not how to write about or talk to fat people. But, I don’t expect better from comments because, we all know why.

I do take issue with writers who are too lazy to stop doing that.

Language matters. How we use it can often start conversations where we can first question commonly held harmful ideas, challenge them and start changing them first for ourselves and like a virus for others.

Before I get into the language miss me with the PC Police whining bullshit. Just don’t. If that’s your stance, why the fuck are you here?

Moving on.

If a writer chooses a phrase like: large but graceful we as the reader understand instinctively that this is an anomaly because large and graceful cannot coexist.

Further, when we add in cultural ideas about fatness we see that this person is virtuous because they are “doing something” (whether the fat person is dancing or doing something for weight loss or not) and by choosing to use this language the writer is othering the person from bad fat people. That type of phrase reinforces the idea that fatness is the barrier to a fat person doing things, rather than as is often the case society.

I will take a risk here and peak for a lot of fat people and say that often when fat folks aren’t doing things they love or that make them feel good it isn’t because of their bodies but how they are treated by people.

I’ll use myself as an example.

I love to dance. I had a period of time where I had money and time to take a class and I took the free one. What wound up happening was this attitude. I was patted on the back for doing something because the presumption was that I was doing it to not be fat anymore and not because I loved it. I was given back handed praise, “you’re doing well for someone your size good job!” And a few times was harassed, women snickering at my fat ass in my yoga pants.

See also when I was running while fat, having garbage thrown at me, people mooing at me, looks of disgust when I was at the gym.

Like a lot of other fat folks, it was not my body preventing me or making me stop doing those things. It was the stress of being publicly humiliated to one degree or another.

Combating this whole problem is pretty simple.

Stop using the modifiers.

Correct them when you share a story or video.

You can say this person is graceful/awesome as fuck.

That’s it.

Don’t use fat people as some sort of personal force to make you feel better about yourself or to shame other people into doing things.

It’s a good start to unlearning the way we talk about people who are doing things while having non-normative bodies or ability or neurological differences.

This is part of doing the work in terms of body politics.

Think about it.

Summer Brown Femme Goodness.

Okay I’m not super into revisiting my previous post.

Instead let’s talk about stuff your own Femme SparkleQueen loves for summer.

Now I know that matte lips are still super in but as much as I love them, I love a big ole shiny lip even more. Especially because the AC is kicking where I work and my poor lips suffer.

Most of what I’m gonna show you are some individual links(most are affiliate links) that I love on my own dark lips. My lips are brown and red and some of these won’t give full coverage but look really pretty on lips that aren’t necessarily all red or all pink. I’ll put everyone on a pin board y’all can check out at the end too for easy access.

First up drugstore faves.

First up the Maybelline Baby Lips Moisturizing Lipgloss. I picked two of these up a while back on a pure whim and omg. Y’all so pretty. My favorite is the shade A Wink of Pink. The sparkles aren’t chunky and it is shiny and the wear is very nice. I’m also a fan of the just a glimmer color. It is pretty and on more purple toned lips absolute magic.

For some POW color, the Nyx Cosmetics Intense Lip Butters mother fucking deliver. I probably have five of them at this point and they are stunners. Soft on the lip and SHINY. BLAM.

Next another constant favorite. Like, y’all. These are honestly some of my thow in my bag go to for the gleam glosses. L’oreal Colour Riche Le Gloss. Now these aren’t opaque on my lips, but, but the shine and the tint. I have several an a few that were discontinued. Brown lipped folks, that Chocolate Obsession is a really beautiful glossy brown that will highlight your natural lip color.

Let’s move on to lipsticks. I’m a lipstick fanatic. I’ve been known to have a legit meltdown over a great lipstick.

Nyx Round Case lipstick. If you are experimenting with colors, are poor or don’t want to spend a lot these lippies are great. Gorgeous colors, soft, shiny texture. I have had many many of them. Great for those just starting out trying to find colors you like to wear. Remember, we don’t have to spend it all to look fabulous.

Another Nyx lippie I love. The Butter lipsticks. Creamy and gorgeous. The shade Hunk is hands down one of my favorite lipstick shades EVER. Amazing on brown skin.

I SWEAR I’m not a rep for Nyx or anything. I just really love their lippies. A couple more.

My current favorite lipstick is from the Nyx Wicked Lippies line. If you’ve been dying to try out some wild ass colors, this line has some wild ass colors. I have the dark grey and the purple and they are so pretty. Neither of those looks to be available right now, but have a look anyway they are great.

Next if you like a vampy lip, I feel like these are a MUST have. Every single one looks great on brown skin and just UNF so good. The Nyx Simply Vamp Lip Cremes. This is one line where I feel like if I had them all I would in fact wear them all. I do love a deep dark lip and these are just gorgeous.

Other brown femme stuff.

If you like a kind of all purpose kind of thing, let me give you one of my fave protips.

For a cute, glowy mega easy look here’s what you need. Do your face how you do. I do full coverage foundation. You need a mascara that makes your lashes go POW POW POW. And you need a bronzer.

For this multi use you want one that is only one shade darker or lighter than your skin and has some shimmer. Shimmer at your own discretion.

Here are some bronzers I have used for the multi purpose and like. Now these are not for highlighting/contouring. If you follow me on Insta you know I don’t really do all that.

Rimmel Natural bronzer. I’m pretty brown so I have the dark one called Sunbronze.  

Makeup Revolution Vivid Shimmer Brick. UNf both of these. I actually killed a rose gold one and need a new one.

You’ll also need a couple of different brushes depending on how you like to do your make up.

When I go for the eyes, I use either a fluffy brush like this or if I want to pack in the bronzey shimmer I use one like this. 

Now take your bronzer and apply it to your eyelids, cheeks, tip of your nose, cupid’s bow where ever you want a bit of that extra glow. Fluff up your lashes.

And then top it off with a stellar lip color.

If you don’t fucks with make up a lot, this is an easy put together beautiful look. Trust me. If you are afraid to do too much, you can have an easy eye, glowy skin and BOOM LIPS.

I did it today and couldn’t get a good photo. OF COURSE but it’s a go to move for me.

Next beauty post, we’re gonna talk about foundations and my undying love of a matte matte MATTE, beat face.

What are your go to looks?

What lippies do you like? Come on tell Auntie. OH also I may try a real tutorial so…..stay tuned my homies.