Gender Feels are Upon Me

If you didn’t know already, I am not a cis person. Read about it here.

I’ve been thinking about the gender indicators in my life/aesthetics. I have some more non-fiction in the works about this stuff, and that the best way to describe my gender is Femme. If you want to know about Queer Femme sorts, start here this is pretty great.

When I was lil baby Femme, normally when I felt more like FemmeBoi I would break out my (note most clothes, stuff will be affiliate links) bondage pants, saggy jeans, the occasional snapback and I usually would cut all my hair off. I kind of hated that but kind of loved it.

Looking back, a lot of my gender presentation was based on what I thought was masculine. Boots, oxfords, I wore a lot of oxfords. Trousers if I wasn’t wearing bondage pants. Mens clothes.

Now that I’m older, I realize that masculinity is not one size fit all. So what do I do now?

I’ve been in the long process of unfucking my wardrobe, mainly in figuring out what fits what doesn’t and getting rid of some truly raggedy shit.

If you’ve been here for a minute you know I’m an Aging Goth, I hate wearing pants, I’m not a fan of non stretchy waistbands. My style is pretty Femme. Lately all I want in the world are printed leggings, skater dresses, skater skirts, boots (UGH if those weren’t Demonia I’d buy them  next I love them so much, I’ll make a post about Demona later), tall socks and maybe some big ole ratty sweaters.

So what/how am I altering my gender expression to match my mood?

These days it is still boots but instead of trousers I wear leggings. Or if I’m feeling it, I might wear my only slightly trusty Dickies. And my very worn trusty old Docs. The short ones.  I also tend to wear more masculine scents. Yes, I KNOW scentless but doing that makes me super unhappy and I try not to douse myself. Honest.

The funniest thing to me about my gender expression and style is that it’s fairly genderless at this point. Mainly my gender expression has turned into aesthetic goals.

These include:

  • Looking like an anime villain.
  • Low key cosplay.
  • Regal Goth Prince
  • Kinda butchy Domme in business/sex wear. (Don’t ask I dunno yet)
  • Alien Nazgul Queen (Queen as in Queer not monarch)

What else is in my dream aesthetic? Sex and danger. A little androgyny. Fully beat face, with some masculine swagger. Because I can do that. That is what my body does naturally depending on what gender feels I’m having at any one time.

Later in life when I’ve got the cash I will continue with my body mods as well. We’ll talk about that in another post.

Basically, I want my outside decoration to entirely flow with the tide of my feelings. It will be hard, but I believe in myself.

That’s all for now.

 

 

 

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About Shannon Barber

I am a strange little woman who likes pie.
This entry was posted in body politics, gender, goth and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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