Hello. I performed a week or so ago with a group of QTPOC writers and let’s talk about my fashion.
Behold, old Goth in Fall:About my hair, I’ll do a FULL review soon.
So the outfit I was originally going to wear some layers of lacy dress+skirts but the forecast was windy and stormy and we had a bit of a walk to get where we were going. This y’all is very close to what I liked in the early 2000s. I definitely was going for some Daria vibes along with some cute flirty realness.
And if I’m going to keep it 100 my other outfit was also matched to different hair.
I accidentally (GOTH PROBLEMS Y’ALL) grabbed my terrible control top tights which was a mistake. Y’all, if you are at all prone to any type of bloating DO NOT DO.
That aside, I have to say for a this was not my plan outfit I felt pretty cute.
Can we talk about this being a poor goth miracle?
The shoes. The sneakers are Demonia Tyrant boot. They are from a few seasons ago. My Partner Uniballer spotted a single pair in my size on Amazon a few years ago and snatched them up for like 25$. They have a steel toe and buckle up the back, I LOVE them. And y’all know I have a love/hate relationship with Demonia. These made up for some duds.
The outfit was a win.
Now I want to switch gears a little bit.
A while after I posted my outfit on tumblr, I saw it pass by in my feed and was taken aback. That’s me? That small person is me? I’m experiencing some level of WTF in regard to seeing my body clothed or no in mirrors or photographs.
My weight has been stable for about a year now and I’m still very startled to see that my thighs aren’t the same size as they are in memory. It’s a minor type of dysphoria that I believe (after a long talk about it with my Wifey) a big part of it is that 95% of my clothes are too big. Every pair of pants I own is held up by my favorite personal hack (an elastic band headband looped through the front belt area cause I don’t own a belt) and they only have the illusion of fitting.
It’s rare that I wear things that fit the body I have now and I think because I only see my body in terms of loose/baggy clothes, when I see it in form fitting or things that just fit properly my poor lil mind is kinda blown.
If I’m going to be honest, I don’t like how weird and small I look in photos. I don’t think this dislike will evolve into something harmful. Right now I’m uncomfortable and it’s okay. Sometimes, our bodies will do stuff and it’s weird and it’s okay to be unsure if you like it or not.
I’m hoping that if I can get some basic clothes that fit I’ll feel better.
I’m also going to try to take more outfit pictures because for me, exposure works. I feel weird about my body so I need to see it this way more.
Okay I think that’s it for right now. Next time we’ll talk about shopping for leggings when you don’t have awesome leggings money, wearing printed leggings and ways to find leggings that will work with your particular booty.