Friday Day Dreams and Deals

It’s Friday. I’m deeply relieved.

So let’s talk about some stuff I’m daydreaming about and whatnots.

Usual rules, amazon links will be affiliate links, Ebates available links will be asterisked, y’all know.

The first thing I am daydreaming about being summer breakfast smoothies. I really need to get more fruit in my diet, but I can’t always afford to buy enough fresh to be able to eat it all before it spoils. My partner can’t eat fruit the way I can so we wind up buying little. Also, I must confess I’m nesting HELLA hard right now so I want house shit. I’ve been spying on the Ninja blenders like this one.  I’ve heard good things from friends and the idea of having smoothies to sip on the bus OM NOM NOM. If I do get one, I’ll have to watch myself because I will only eat smoothies because I love them and that’s not really great. Do y’all do smoothies? Y/N? Drop your favorite recipes with no mango in the comments.

Since I’ve been sick pretty much regularly since last fall, I’ve been trying really hard to work out ways to support my health. I’m still having problems swallowing pills so I’ve switched my vitamin routine over to gummies. I’ve been trying to do what I can to support my health. One of the things I use daily is a big ass water bottle. It is getting old and I’m thinking I want this one. 32 ounces y’all. WITH A STRAW!! I love everything with straws. I’ve also taken to drinking a couple of EmergenC’s a day. I like the one with vitamin D and immune support. Although I will note that the CVS store brand of these actually taste way better to me and I just bought two boxes bogo.

I am also daydreaming about getting a coat that is somewhere between winter and fall. It is cold in the morning, but warm when I leave work. I’m discovering that I literally am still so bad at coat shopping. I’m very picky. I want a good deep hood, rain proof or at least resistant, I want it long at least to mid-thigh and I prefer it in black. I’m not a fan of anything too sporty. I LOATHE wearing puffy coats. Y’all, it is such a struggle to be a picky ass old Goth. How does one go about finding a medium weight coat without having a meltdown? Shit is hard and I’d honestly rather spend my money on boots.

Ahem. I’m trying so hard to be an adult about this.

Now let me encourage your retail therapy feels.

Dollskill has some really amazing shoes and bags on sale right now.

If you have CVSCVS in your area or are into ordering, right now they have some vitamin sales that are pretty great. From the site; Save $5 on any Vitamin purchase of $20 or more.
Online only.* Coupon Code: VITAMIN5. And don’t forget to check your extra care rewards! In store there are some vitamin sales happening as well.

Are you a crafter in need of a shitload of yarn? I’ve bought some bags of yarn at this site and it’s a good deal. They don’t have ALL the yarn in the world, but a good selection, especially if you aren’t allergic to wool.

Also I’ve told y’all that you can order from the Dollar Tree in a lot of places? Check your zip code and supply up. This is also an excellent thing to go in on with a friend or friends. Order a bunch of stuff, split it up at one person’s house.

Need some jewelry? My friend Sumayyah makes beautiful jewelry I have a few of her pieces. Check out some of these gorgeous things.

Wanna get your card read? My friend Aaminah does some great intuitive readings and this is a great way to support one of my fave writers. Go look and book.

Want something to read?

Come have a look at my Etsy shop. I’ve got some Lovecraft influenced fiction, some poetry and other lit available RIGHT NOW.  And just for y’all, spend 12$ (basically grab everything available) use coupon code AUNTIESHANNON and get 2 bucks off.

If you’ve got an Etsy shop or other hustle, drop it in the comments!

I am not an “after”-About Fatness

Folks who’ve known me for a long time to know my weight has fluctuated over the years. Recently someone had a looksy at some old outfit photos of mine and then emailed me to let me know how “proud” they are of my weight change.

Okay, so first of all, do not do that to people. It doesn’t matter how fat someone is or was, unless they ask you mind your damn business. Losing weight, whether it is, on purpose or not is not always something to be applauded regardless of the before. Also, other folks don’t owe you thanks for noticing the size of their ass at all. They don’t. So don’t.

Next thing. I am not a good or bad former fatty. My change in ass size has not changed my body politics or staunch fat acceptance. Actually, no that’s a lie. It’s a hot fucking lie. My stance on fat acceptance, has gotten stronger. The fact that I now reside in an area of privilege where I’m a little smaller than the average American woman, I’m pissed off. It shouldn’t be a privilege for me to now be able to buy 7$ leggings. Or be pretty ding dang sure if I go to Target, there will be at least a few pairs of pants I like or whole lines of clothes I can buy.

My position of privilege means that some makers, now deem my money worthy and will make me a skirt or dress without charging 50$ extra. It means that if I go buy a dress makers dummy, I won’t have to pad it except maybe the boobs. It means that when I go to the doctor, I’m listened to a little bit more. Oh, you lost weight YAY but you still have these health problems? Maybe it wasn’t your weight after all.

Here is where we get body posi graduate level. Rather than looking back at the place where I didn’t have these privileges and wallowing in my relief not to be the face or ass of the bad fatty, I’m pissed off. I want to smash the privilege I’ve slid into because I can see just how shitty it is.

There is zero reason that my smaller ass should mean that suddenly I’m a better, more moral, more trustworthy person. Being less fat, being closer to thinness and having thin privilege by being close to it, did not change my soul.

Now folks who are not fat, I am talking to you right now. Former fatties, I’m talking to you too.

Listen, when we are in this position of having privilege due to proximity to the “ideal” it’s not the time to disappear into the mealy mouthed body posi that pays zero attention to people whoa re really fat. Let’s talk about using our position of privilege as a fucking weapon.

These days when I inquire about sizes, I don’t limit myself to my own size 12ish ass. I ask why doesn’t this come in a size 26? I tell retailers, hey there is a market of folks who want this thing who are above your (insert largest size here). Because of how privilege operates, the response I’ve gotten to these inquiries has been markedly more friendly than they were when I would say things like, I want to give you my money, why doesn’t this come in my size?

That is how privilege works.

Now, as far as my own weight changes, they kind of are what they are. I still don’t really want it. I still am not really okay with the size of my ass, I felt perfect in my body at a larger size, but it looks like this is how things are gonna be so I am making peace with it.

I am enjoying my 7$ “one size” leggings. I am enjoying that I can usually go to big lots and find the size 6 panties I like for super cheap. Those things are great. When I was fatter and didn’t have access to those things, I wasn’t mad at the folks who did, but at the fact that being able to buy a bushel of discount panties is a privilege.

I am angry at a system that magically turns me into a “better” more trustworthy and generally more “worthy” person because my butt is smaller than some other folks.

I am angrier still because, weight changes aren’t moral victories. People who succeed for however long at purposefully losing weight aren’t heroes. It is not some magical morality bullet that turns them into amazing wonderful people. As I said years ago, if you were a fat asshole you’re probably gonna be a thin asshole too.

I don’t want it.

I don’t want jubilant congratulations on something that was not okay with me in the first goddamn place.

I don’t want to be reminded every time I deal with a medical professional that the health problems I have now, had when I was fat, had when I was super thin and have had for decades at this point are suddenly, magically real because my weight changed.

I am not an after shot. I’m not at the midpoint between before and after.

Yes, I live in a body that is often in flux. Yes, my body has changed. Yes, I’ve got some health stuff going on.

No, it’s not actually any of your business. I am not obligated to share my super ass changing secrets. No, I don’t want your speculations about how I’m a whole brand new me. I’m the same weirdo I was when I was fatter.

Can I share with you what weight loss again has not cured?

  • Any-goddamn-thing.

 

The culture of fat stigma has caused me and a whole lot of other people harm. Irreparable, sometimes fatal harm.

The culture of deifying dieting culture and intentional weight loss has done me and a whole lot of people irreparable and sometimes fatal harm.

The refusal of people who claim “body positivity” to extend that to ALL bodies, yes, ALL bodies regardless of size, ability or gender has done irreparable and sometimes fatal harm.

So you know what?

If you are in my type of position of privilege, step up. Don’t leave fat folks behind because you’re basking in the glow of conditional acceptance. The same stigma that follows fat folks, will come for you too.

That’s all for right now. We’ll talk more about it later.

 

Stuff I’m Lowkey obsessed with.

Y’all, I HAVE to share because I cannot make myself stop.

I’m going to throw links at y’all of stuff I’m pretty obsessed with as in, if money weren’t no thang….you know.

First thing. I am obsessed with Chrome bags. I have one, my partner has one. I LOVE them. They are made for bike messengers and if you don’t drive, have to be out in weather and pack a lot of crap y’all. I already have a Citizen. It is a big ass bag. Lots of capacity and I retired from carrying it daily only because it is big and my morning buses tend to be butts to nuts standing room only. And I have manners. I do want to be able to carry my crochet projects and as I was looking at tote bags, they came out with the Welterweight mini Metro*.  Y’AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL….I want it so bad. I do not have 140$ bag money right now, but I want it. Y’all know Auntie hates paying retail, but totally worth it.

What else?

As we get towards the idea of better weather, I want sandals? I dunno. I do want wedges and platforms. I’m feeling like full 90s clunky kinda ugly platform.

I was giggling at myself the other day, on nice days I tend to dress the way I wanted to dress when I was like 19 and it just makes me laugh. Apparently I really just want to clomp around in warm weather with my furry legs out and with my hair in braids giving no fucks.

I’m really bad at hair y’all. I lack the Black Folx braiding magic and really REALLY want to give myself Goddess Locs. I have been watching Jazz Nicole’s videos constantly and I bought a latch hook. I think I’m ready to practice doing myself some.

If you are not good at these things like me, go check out her feed.

How about some shit I’m annoyed at?

I am so done with make up brands URBAN DECAY HI, using Black folks but not making their “tributes” accessible. Look here:

Once upon a time I loved UD. That said, they ain’t shit for this. I mean, POC have the cash to spend and so many of these brands just don’t bother to really try. Yes, like Nyx they’ll come out with the colors, but I can’t go to ULTA and buy them. Sephora? Yep Black Beauty folks on youtube will squee about that new Laura Mercier darker powder, but, we can’t go to the store to buy it.

Now y’all see why I’ll never be a famous beauty blogger.

When it comes to make up, y’all. I LOVE it. But, I also hate it. I hate that for instance I think Kat Von D makes gorgeous make up. I don’t like that just like every other damn brand, you’d be hard pressed to find someone darker than beige even in spots where it’d make sense. SUCH AS, foundation area. Why not have any more models? You ColourPop I remember this shit.

I mean everybody loves some melanin, unless it’s time to use a dark model right?

Pardon my mood swing. I am still really sick and I’m cranky as fuck.

Also, I resent that in trying to, you know get my fucking glam on, I have to navigate this bullshit.

This is also on my mind because I was given an unwanted lecture about voting with my wallet and ethical shopping. For me, if I shopped to match my actual ethics I’d not be able to buy anything down to my draws and I’m just not about that life.

If you can and want to vote with your wallet? Do you Boo.

Okay good lord.

That is not quite where I was tryin to go but here we are.

Okay, back to stuff I keep thinking about.

Goddess Locs be damned, the sun is coming out and I really -really- want to have red hair again. I’m talking I want to strip the fuck out of my hair with a product like this and have it be bright red. Ahem. This is why I wear wigs and protective style. Once upon a time, I would bleach the hot fuck out of my hair anytime and my hair suffered.

I might be fantasizing about my big red fro, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing because my hair is doing quite well and I decided I’m gonna try to grow it to waist length.

I’ll have a hair update after this weekend. I had a major whoopsy and I’m gonna document me fixing it.

I didn’t fuck up super bad, but my scalp is mad and I did it to my damn self.

OH also soon I’m going to have a write up of using a homemade toner, some quickie reviews and maybe some dedicated posts to books and whatnots.

Thanks for visiting y’all!

OH before I forget.

As usual any links marked * you can get money back from ebates. Also on that side hustle tip, I added a whole new section of sparkly, holo, silly handbags and wallets on my Amazon shop because I love them and can’t have them all. Check it here.I’ll write about my bag fetish at another time.

 

 

 

 

IT’S MY BIRFDAY!

Er it was my birthday yesterday.

I’m officially 40 y’all.

If you’d like to read a fbomb laden essay about how I feel about turning 40 click here.

So let’s talk about some shit I don’t like.

It appears my fave milky nude, sheer lipgloss has been discontinued. Maybelline Baby Lips Gloss in Taupe With me. I’m on my last tube. It is a really nice pinky super shiny gloss that was cheap and that I love. It was a cross between the Make up Forever Plexigloss in Sweet Pink and the Mac Nicki Minaj lipglass with a bit of brown and a touch less color. There is something about a milky texture to a lipgloss that I just love.

Other shit I don’t like. I had to shave my armpits (I hate shaving) because I had a rash under lefty and righty was feelin weird. Shaved, treated the skin and things got a bit worse. Come to realize, the pit stick I’ve been using has chamomile in it and guess what I’m allergic to? Yes Petunia I am allergic to chamomile….:( so now I’m vaguely funky because I’m using a natural no baking soda deo that can only do so much while my armpits heal.

Now how about stuff I do like?

Um, so my hair is pink right now. I’m SO into this wig. I feel so cute and Pastel Goth like.

pinkhairs

[image description: Black femme with long pink hair wearing glasses.

This is the FreeTress Equal Delux Lace Front Wig – EVLYN. Y’all. This wig is so great. Quick report, it is thick. The color is gorgeous. Very comfortable. If you want to play with color and like wearing silky straight hair, GET ON THIS y’all.

The next great thing happening. For my birthday I side hustled myself enough money to buy the cutest pair of platform booties on ebay.

boot

[image of a black platform ankle boot]

I got these in my usual size 7. Check them out here. These are fantastic. They are super lightweight, lined in plush leopard print and actually kept my feet warm when it was snowing a little. The upper is super flexible so if you have a bigger ankle they would be easily adjustable. I will say these are actually on par with the boots I got from designer brand YRU a couple of years ago. And I will say the construction is superior. I’ve worn these probably five or six times in snow and rain and they are solid. I wore my YRU platforms three times and the platforms separated from the boot.

What else am I loving? With the warmer weather, I’ve FINALLY gotten to break out some of my dresses. I picked up this little beauty while it was on sale a couple of months ago. I paired it with black tights, a black cardi, and my trusty old docs. Super cute on. No stretch though and my XL strains over my boobs. I’ve got my eye on this beauty right here. I really love this one too.

My current aesthetics as the weather inches towards bare leg season is a little 90s flavored Femme Old Goth. See here:

ootd

[image description: Black Femme wearing from the feet up, black platform ankle boots, black skirt, burgundy sweater with a black tank top underneath]

This year all I want are cute dresses and lots of skater skirts to be honest. Let me show y’all some other things I’m obsessed with.

The Sully Dress. Y’all. I want one so bad. Jersey fabric, I love that cut and style. I could wear it multi season. UNF I NEEDS IT.

I really want to try out some elastic harness things like this. I am intrigued because I have yet to see someone with a body type similar to mine wear one. I love the leather ones better but, leather is expensive and I want to try it out before I commit to an investment piece.

I also find myself in need of more skater skirts.

Right now I have my eye on a few on Amazon. This one for days when I want a nice slightly longer one. Pro tip, for stuff like this from Amazon check the reviews, especially ones with photos.

I’ve also got plans on attaining MORE GALAXY PRINT. Why? Cause I friggin love it. I LOVE this skirt, but that will absolutely not fit me. Well the max stretched measurement would work but only if I already pooped that day, was not bloated at all and had on mega shapewear.

I like to pair my skater skirts with my nerdy tshirts. My favorite of that type of outfit I don’t have a photo of but I paired a Deadpool tee with a floofy circle skirt and my tall docs. I was fucking adorable.

Now that I am officially an Elder Goth, can I tell y’all it would be lit if neither money nor time was an object. Check my pinboard of dream Old Goth fashions.

What else?

I’m considering getting my septum pierced because I want an opal clicker on my face. I’ve also resumed using my pinterest tattoo reference board. I had sort of given up on my body mod dreams because money but I have a little stash of cash I put money in monthly that is specifically for mods so maybe?

Content warning for some creepy stuff, I will be adding to it soon.

That’s all for right now loves.

Regular posting will resume soon I promise.

I love y’all!

Be good!