Kind of Working it Out.

If you’ve been here a minute, y’all know I am not a cold weather person. I don’t fucks with winter. At. All.

My goal for this winter has been comfort, warmth and dry feet. If you know me, you also know I hate pants. Pants as in trousers and I especially loath jeans.

My staple wardrobe items have been as follows (affiliate links ahoy)

Fleece Tights. I buy the XL or 1X to make sure they fight my thighs and y’all. I have bought them on Ebay, at Walgreens, on Amazon. The best thing is, even though every pair I’ve ever owned the waistband fails, I’m wearing them under regular leggings so they can be too big and still serve their purpose.

My next staple are big ass tall socks. From my friends over at Sock Dreams the link is right to my glorious wish list. Let me tell you a story of how a company shows fatty solidarity. Many years ago when yours truly was a beginner fat activist blogger, I tried to do a little fat fashioning. One of the things I was obsessed with (then and now) was tall socks. Back then, I mostly bought those thin acrylic knee highs that were usually shitty quality and not warm. I bought a pair of supposed to be OTK socks from Sock Dreams and they were wee tiny. I wrote them a sad fatty letter and they promised they were working on it. A couple of years later, a fat friend was like  YO LOOK. And y’all, Sock Dreams Delivered. Not only did they work to curate plus size socks WITH MEASUREMENTS but BUT Y’ALL. On many of their socks you can look at them on some lovely fatter legs.

Other retailers take notes, take copious notes. This is what it looks like when you are actively working on a plus size section. I will also say that everytime I buy I write them a nice note because they are also nice folks.

Also if you go have a looksy through my Amazon shop, I added stuff I like. I’m about that fleece tights, leggings and big tops/sweaters layered life right now. I added a ton of leggings and stuff too. Actually now that I look you’ll have to keep an eye on the shop because I apparently didn’t add as many as I thought I did. Whoops.

I’m SUPER into patterned leggings. Stripes, galaxy, Hamlet (yes I bought knock offs),  mermaid. My secret is, I don’t give a hot fuck if somebody sees my big ole hams. Matter of fact, some of my outfits are fully intended to HIGHLIGHT my thighs in leggings because they are amazing.

And I’ve been wearing boots a lot. Of course.

Work in some low key cosplay.

I think I’ve FINALLY figured out how to stay warm AND enjoy my Winter Wardrobe.

Here are some half outfit pics:

I’ve even got myself some really cute Chelsea type boots I’ll do a full review on soon.

Some tips on buying leggings on the internet:

  1. Check and see if they are Asian sizes or not.
  2. When in doubt, read the reviews. READ THEM. Some of them are not helpful, but read them.
  3. If leggings are too tight in the waist, bust that elastic. Stretch it out until it pops.
  4. Noted high waists are often more forgiving around the belly.
  5. Don’t be afraid of your butt. Your butt is fine, your butt is great. Only worry (if you must worry) about whether or not your leggings are see thru in the crack.
  6. Don’t be afraid of your belly. Got a big ole belly? Got a double belly? Got a jiggly pot belly? It is fine. Your belly is great. Cover it or don’t as you please.
  7. If your pattern distorts over your parts, (belly, crotch, ass, whatever) it’s fine. Your body and your stretched out pattern are great.
  8. If your booty/other parts jiggle ENJOY THAT SHIT. I’ve been really appreciating my booty jiggle lately.
  9. Don’t pay a lot of money for leggings. I mean, even if the print is awesome, you can probably find the same or similar. Leggings quality can only vary so much and unless you MUST have the best digitally printed images on your ass, don’t worry about it.
  10. This is also an excellent and easy way to get some low key cosplay in.

Experiment. Keep your bottom warm. Feel comfy. Look cute AF.

What more do you need?

London Fog Thames Boot Review

Hello darlings.

Today I want to share just how adult I have been lately. I had a 25$ Amazon gift card sitting around and I’d fully intended on buying (amazon affiliate links ahoy) this. There are few things I love more than lounging about in my house in awesome jammies.

However, I’ve spent a bunch of time so far this Fall figuring out which of my shoes are waterproof and which aren’t. 90% of them are not. I walk everywhere so that was not a good look.

My Black Docs still aren’t fucking borken in. I love them but they sure are the devil. So I decided to buy my first pair of grown up ass rain boots.

I did not buy the bullshit printed wellies that bust at the seams a few weeks in. I bought legit Rain. Boots.

I bought these. Click here to see on Amazon.

boot

[image description: image of a tall shiny black rain boot]

This is the London Fog Thames rain boot. Most places they run between 60-70 dollars. I would not pay that much. I think the Amazon price is right.

Out of the box they smell funny like all rubber things. They arrived packaged okay, nothing stellar.

The boot itself is very well constructed, the rubber is nice and flexible. There is a cloth lining that is fairly warm. The fit is pretty spot on a 7. I feel like if I wear super thick socks they might be a bit tight. If you like to wear two pairs of socks, maybe size up.

The calf is listed as being 16 inches around. That seems pretty accurate to me. They still went on easily with thick socks and leggings. If your calves are on the thicker size these will likely not work for you.

I’m not a huge fan of rain boots in general, but I can work with these. Tall socks and leggings are the name of the fall game.

It took me a while to find a pair I liked. I might or might not look for some printed ones. I won’t say these are better than awesome jammies, but they are a distant third.

If these will fit your calves I’d say it’s a good deal. There are some other colors and a dark floral print. Overall I’m gonna give these a 4.5 mainly because they aren’t quite tall enough in the foot to wear with my insoles so take a half a star for that.

I was going to attach a photo of the boots in action but, nope.

Take my word for it I look super cute.

The Aging Goth in Fall- Outfit breakdown

Hello. I performed a week or so ago with a group of QTPOC writers and let’s talk about my fashion.

Behold, old Goth in Fall:

ootd

[image description: photo of a black person in a plum.brown wig, wearing glasses. their outfit is all black, a black tee shirt, a black velvet mini skater skirt, black tights, black thigh high socks and black tall sneakers]

About my hair, I’ll do a FULL review soon.

So the outfit I was originally going to wear some layers of lacy dress+skirts but the forecast was windy and stormy and we had a bit of a walk to get where we were going. This y’all is very close to what I liked in the early 2000s. I definitely was going for some Daria vibes along with some cute flirty realness.

And if I’m going to keep it 100 my other outfit was also matched to different hair.

I accidentally (GOTH PROBLEMS Y’ALL) grabbed my terrible control top tights which was a mistake. Y’all, if you are at all prone to any type of bloating DO NOT DO.

That aside, I have to say for a this was not my plan outfit I felt pretty cute.

Can we talk about this being a poor goth miracle?

The shoes. The sneakers are Demonia Tyrant boot. They are from a few seasons ago. My Partner Uniballer spotted a single pair in my size on Amazon a few years ago and snatched them up for like 25$. They have a steel toe and buckle up the back, I LOVE them. And y’all know I have a love/hate relationship with Demonia. These made up for some duds.

The outfit was a win.

Now I want to switch gears a little bit.

A while after I posted my outfit on tumblr, I saw it pass by in my feed and was taken aback. That’s me? That small person is me? I’m experiencing some level of WTF in regard to seeing my body clothed or no in mirrors or photographs.

My weight has been stable for about a year now and I’m still very startled to see that my thighs aren’t the same size as they are in memory. It’s a minor type of dysphoria that I believe (after a long talk about it with my Wifey) a big part of it is that 95% of my clothes are too big. Every pair of pants I own is held up by my favorite personal hack (an elastic band headband looped through the front belt area cause I don’t own a belt) and they only have the illusion of fitting.

It’s rare that I wear things that fit the body I have now and I think because I only see my body in terms of loose/baggy clothes, when I see it in form fitting or things that just fit properly my poor lil mind is kinda blown.

If I’m going to be honest, I don’t like how weird and small I look in photos. I don’t think this dislike will evolve into something harmful. Right now I’m uncomfortable and it’s okay. Sometimes, our bodies will do stuff and it’s weird and it’s okay to be unsure if you like it or not.

I’m hoping that if I can get some basic clothes that fit I’ll feel better.

I’m also going to try to take more outfit pictures because for me, exposure works. I feel weird about my body so I need to see it this way more.

Okay I think that’s it for right now. Next time we’ll talk about shopping for leggings when you don’t have awesome leggings money, wearing printed leggings and ways to find leggings that will work with your particular booty.

Where my Style evolved from.

I want to talk some about things that have shaped my style, representation and stuff.

This is fashion, but shit is deep.

From a really early age, my aesthetic love has been the Alt folks. I remember very vividly the first time I saw punks, I was about 6 or so and they were on the sidewalk. My parents sort of laughed and I was in love. I loved their spikey hair and tattered clothes, their somewhat androgynous bodies really appealed to me. That was it.

When I saw Black folks street style in movies in the 80s and later on rappers on MTV I loved their style too. Dookie chains, beautiful Black girls with doorknockers and amazing geometric haircuts.

Those were the seeds of my style.

As I got older, especially in my teens I understood one thing.

I may have loved fashion and beauty, but it was not for me. Fat Black little me.

I couldn’t have put those words on it exactly, but, that’s what it was. When I first got into makeup in middle school, my friends could buy their Covergirl foundation at the drug store and back then there was nothing for me. I figured out how to use CG tan powder lightly on my face and I bought eyeliners but, I saw the lack.

When I saw glammed up Black women, there weren’t references to companies or brands I had access to. I didn’t even know that Black women wore foundation until I was about 17. I thought I was just an ugly Black person so I wanted coverage and concealer and stuff.

Around the same time I was starting to have an interest in Goth specifically. I knew some Goths, I saw Goths in various places and it was equally if not more inaccessible to me. I loved the fancy Goths and the punky goths. I also saw that again, it was probably not for me because I was not pale, not thin etc.

My early Goth experiences were eh. I remember going to the first Hot Topic in the area and the employees didn’t question me being there, but, I was too shy to ask for a dress I wanted in a larger size. I figured that a larger size wasn’t available, because every other bit of art, clothing etc I’d had an interest in, did not come in larger sizes.

I remember getting things like the Retail Slut catalog and a couple of other ones, but if I did save up money for things, I was outside their size range for what I wanted.

Let’s stop there for a second.

Remember, I’m an Old Goth. I didn’t have social media, I had to special order my weirdo magazines. The only images of the things I was into, were thin to super thin White cis people. There was zero representation. When I ventured into spaces with other ALT people, mostly they were decent if sometimes cluelessly racist, but I always had that pressure of being The One.

For me at the time, I felt too seen. Too visible to engage in the weirdo clothes I loved so much. As a young potato I was too shy to enjoy the visibility on a regular basis.

Cut to my early 20s and my first phase of giving zero fucks. I wore vinyl in the daytime. I got into very Fetishy schoolgirl type outfits. I liked adding a rock star item to a drab outfit. I had velvet platform high heeled boots like Stevie Nicks and I wore the fuck out of them. I dyed my hair colors and remember getting disapproval from older Black folks and white folks and everyone.

Looking back, I realize that a lot of my bravado, then was coming from a place of pain. I felt rejected from say Alt modeling (this is when I discovered that the Alt only applied to outer decoration and that underneath it was still thin white and cis) and from clothing lines and everything Alt.

I really wish baby potato me had been able to process enjoying the aesthetics while rejecting the Thin Whiteness of it without so much pain.

I would have told you that what I was doing, feeling etc was empowerment. It wasn’t. It was a fuck you born of terror. I remember buying clothes from like Jeannie Nitro or some of the more available goth labels and I’d rip them up to make them fit. Wear them anyway.

I remember back then Lip Service had bigger sizes that weren’t outside their general milieu and I wore the fuck out of them.

This is stuff I think about. I’m pretty excited about the fact that as I get closer to 40 my ideas about how to express my aesthetics and wearing my feelings and decorating my temple as I see fit has come to be a joyful thing for me rather than a padding from pain.

One of the reasons for this post is because I’m going to do an influences post and while I was collecting photos earlier, I saw just how White and Thin it was and I felt disheartened but I’m not gonna lie. So this is where I’m coming from.

Also later this week I’m going to do a how yours truly would dress if neither money nor size was an issue. I’m probably going to need separate entries for clothes, accessories, shoes and art. Y’all….

I’m also looking for stuff to show y’all that I want to have in order to embody myself when I feel more Butch or Masculine but shit is hard.

AND I’ll likely have the how to buy leggings on the internet post ready soon.

 

Fave Goth Stuff. The Broke Goth Edition.

Oh Brokeass Auntie, Patron Saint of Old Comfy Goths everywhere, WHERE do we buy Goth stuff?

So brace yourselves.

First up, let’s talk basics.

For me that means black stuff like tees, leggings, other shirts. First rule of Broke Goth club is that stuff is generally basic, is not stuff I pay big bucks for. I like to save my budget for the occasional higher end item but every day stuff no.

I’ll also roll some tips about leggings buying on Ebay.

So first lets talk about buying plain leggings.

Always look at your local drug store. I’ve seen regular and fleecy leggings from xxs-3/4X at Walgreens. Frequently they are 2 for 10$. Those are the store brand. Always check out the underpants area as well. Hanes and Leggs both make leggings and I’ve seen those on sale as well. If you shop at a store with loyalty cards save up enough cash back and snag some. You can never have too many pairs of plain or plainish leggings.

For a few more choices, check Walmart and Target. And always check the workout leggings for more interesting options. That said, don’t pay more than 15-20$ at the most because come on they are leggings.

Now I personally like to wear leggings in cooler weather both as pants (FIGHT ME) and under skirts and stuff.

My number one rule no matter what your aesthetic is, look EVERYWHERE. I am of the mind that if you have the cash, we all need basics all the time. Drawers, socks, hosiery, leggings, tees.

Let’s break for a minute and talk about aesthetics. Regardless of what flavor your Goth is, or what your aesthetics are for real, don’t be afraid to look for stuff everywhere. If you’re like me and have a Walmart budget, rock that walmart shit.

For us Broke Goths, I like to say spend my money on accessories or the occasional fancier dress or shoes. You get to pick.

Some folks might be saying, but but Shannon why don’t you just save up for ONE thing. Because I can’t wear just one thing. For those of us who don’t have instant laundry access or dry cleaning money, what are we going to cover our butts with?

While we’re talking spending, yeah I’m gonna be linking to fast fashion. Here’s the thing, not all of us are able to vote with our wallets. A lot of stores and manufacturers are problematic to pure evil, but you know what? I still need clothes I have access to.

Okay so let’s get with the links.

Don’t be afraid of Hot Topic. They have some great sales and if you sign up for the elist you can get coupons.Let’s look at some stuff I find versatile and comfylike:

Black Skull Mesh Leggings. I have a pair of these. The sizing is nice. I got a large and probably could have gone with a medium and been fine. They are super cute with a cardi, not super warm but comfy. Great price on sale right now.

If you have narrower hips/are a dude, check out these on sale skinny jeans. Super cute. Great price.

You get my drift. And remember to always check clearance, if things are stretchy you can always consider sizing down for a tighter fit.

Let’s go to Amazon.

How to search: Use my example and search with me.

Use Black A line skirt- TONS of results. I picked this skirt.  Note though, it doesn’t say so in the description this is probably an Asian size and the one size fits most is likely not going to work for me.Always check that. The generic size guides Amazon uses are not great. Also again this is a time where I say read ALL the reviews. Watch out for the ones where someone says I’m usually a size X and this was tiny/too big.

My magic combo for searching amazon, ebay, etc. are usually color, type of garment and then I can whittle my choices down from there.

You get my drift. In meatspace I have another super secret method. Say you really have your eye on a pair of pants from a store. Go to the store, find out if they have the size you want, try them on. Then go home and use the internets. Check ebay, amazon and the store site. Check for coupons.

In the past couple of years I’ve started collecting some gothy accessories after years of not wearing much in that way.

For cutesy cheap things, Ebay. Etsy. Search by keyword or material.

To wrap up, let me give you a little shopping list if I had H&M cash. This is the sort of thing I consider Gothable and wearable, especially if you have a casual job. Most of this stuff is thin, so layering would be essential, but this is what I like. These are totally affiliate links and I do get a few coins from clicks.

Silver pleated skirt– UGH I freaking love this so much. SHINY.

Short Jersey Dress– This would be great to wear with fleecy leggings, or interesting tights, a cardi and boots.

Fine knit Sweater- I have a similar sweater I got from Old Navy a couple of seasons ago. I LOVE this shape and layering. It’s thin, so I know I won’t sweat to death while I’m walking and if I layer right I won’t freeze either.

Cowl neck sweater– Normally I HATE anything close to my neck. But this looks so soft and comfy. I can picture it with my faux leather leggings, OTK boots, and some big chunky jewelry. YASSSSSS.

Fine knit Dress– Another one I love. I’d pair this with my stripey leggings, or some fleece tights and OTK socks and boots.

Plus size H&M+ Slim-fit Pants– I actually really like how the skinny cut pants from HM fit. The plus size ones are a bit too big in the booty for me. But the straight sizes work for me. So if you have a bit more booty in the pants these might do you right.

Plus size Knit Tunic- I think this would be dress length on me and I’m for it. I think it is really pretty. Again, I see boots, OTK socks, Leggings, fleece tights.

So the big lesson is, the Goth isn’t necessarily in the shop. Get in where you fit in. You don’t have to spend all your coin to be a Goth.

NOW. this was the practical version. This is what I actually do and where I actually shop.

Next time we’re gonna go full fantasyland and it’s gonna be awesome.

 

Fall Textures.

Hello sweet thangs.

Let’s talk texture and fall clothes. I’m a bit of a texture fanatic. I can be really picky about what fabrics to go next to my skin and I’m just learning what fabrics to layer.

First up, let’s talk my texture, aesthetic.

I like soft. A lot of the time I like to feel like I’m wearing something as close to jammies as possible while still rocking my aging office Goth aesthetic. Affiliate links, ahoy.

First up I’m SUPER into Old Navy tees. They aren’t the most sturdy but, as far as comfort goes can’t beat them.

I really love the shape of this Tulip Tunic Tee.  That tee comes in a few colors and I see a lot of the sizes are sold out. Keep an eye on them.

I’m a big fan of their lightweight tees as well. As I learn to layer properly, they tend towards the soft side. Pro tip if you’re really busty, the relaxed Vneck anything is going to show ALL your goodies. Get a size down or wear a cami.

My FAVORITE ON tees of all time are these. When I buy them, I buy doubles in each color. I will buy one a size down for a more fitted body con fit, and one my regular size for a slightly looser fit. I find it really easy to layer these with a nice thinner weight sweater or cardigan. For me, (hot flash city up in here) I’m not quite cold enough to be layering the chunkier knits just yet.

Essential for fall, I want soft but not fuzzy texture. I want fabrics that don’t stick together and have a little bit of extra weight to them.

I keep having visions of picking up some thinner weight oversize sweaters. I found some at Amazon that look worth a try.

This one is very cute. I love LOVE layering a cami under a sweater. Pro tip if you are entering or have entered hot flash territory. This type of sweater is thin enough you won’t boil.

Note I think this might be Asian sizing so make sure if you order to read the reviews. Check any photos.

I’m also super into this top/dress thing. Picture it over some faux leather leggings. With maybe a cardigan or other sweaterish thing. Floaty and soft.

For cardigans I have several like this one. Shawl collar and a pixie hem AND it looks soft?

Sign me up.

In my fantasy life, Fall means lots of layers. Lots of mixing things like chiffon and knits, peeks of leather, some faux fur, silky things, all over a good soft tshirt type base layer. Very Strega. For me probably because I live in Seattle, I want to let my inner Fancy Goth out. Lots of layers of skirts, velvet, and of course fancy leggings and my trusty Doc Martens.

That is my dream life. In actual life I’m awful at layering. I might look cute, but tend to not layer the right fabrics together and wind up fidgeting with myself all day. A person can dream tho right?

I think if I can afford to really redo my wardrobe I will be better equipped to dress more to my own preference in Fall.

The other thing about texture in Fall for me is that Fall tends to give me more opportunity to dress a bit more masculine at times. Fall makes me feel more masculine in how I want to present but only my clothes. I want to wear oxfords and nicely cut cord pants. Think low key dapper, cords, sweatervests, I wish I was a tie person but I hate wearing them.

Once upon a time I had quite a collection of vintage and thrifted blazers for this purpose. One of my favorite outfits I’ve ever owned was some black bootcut trousers worn with a very fuzzy ratty black sweatervest and a burgundy velvet blazer. I wore it with my Docs and always felt like a handsome Goth Prince. I’d like to explore that more. We’ll see.

For my face, I like it as always creepy matte. Dead Matte. Dolly matte. During the actual season change, my skin goes bananas. My face gets greasier, my body gets drier and EVERYTHING is wild AF. I’m still rocking with my L’Oreal Pro matte but I’m back on the hunt for the perfect powder that isn’t my holy grail Mac Blot powder because that shit is expensive as hell.

For my face I want big vampy shiny lips. I’m kind of over a matte lip. I love the color selection of matte lippies but I want my mouth luscious.

I’m also getting back into more eyeshadows since I won’t be sweating them into creased up messes.

For my nails, I’m back to wanting em yeah you guessed it, long and dark and shiny.

I tend to wear my nails quite long since I’ve been with the dude. He’s a CIS dude so no need for short nails. I’ll do a whole post about my nails later on.

Okay, tomorrow I want to do a post about what I want this blog to be, talk about my fundraiser and how I’m teaching myself to write about fashion and beauty and stuff on my own terms.

 

Old Goth Shoe Review-Dolly Bae Harlots Web Boots.

A few months ago I had a gift card to Dolls Kill and I spent a few weeks figuring out what I wanted. Pro-tip they are not average size and up folk friendly for clothing. A lot of their clothing is only stocked in small sizes and a lot of the supposed one size stuff doesn’t fit above a size 8.

That being what it is, I picked up the Dolly Bae Harlots Web boots while they were on clearance.

These caught my eye because of the clear compartment and little plastic spiders inside the platform. Also being that the platform isn’t solid I figured they’d be pretty light as well. I’ve worn these a few times and here we go.

First up the box. They arrived in a huge glossy box see below:

box

[Image description: shiny black box with the words “Dolly Bae” in white script on it.

The boots were very well packaged. Each was both stuffed with tissue paper and there was that thin foamy stuff taped around the platform so they wouldn’t scuff in transit. Excellent.

Packaging A++.

Now here is how the shoes look at my feet, for reference I wear a size 7m in women’s shoes.

ropahow

[Image description: Black lace up shoes with black embroidered spider webs on top.

Okay so the upper is real leather. The embroidery is very nice. The leather has a nice thick but not hard feel. It is already starting to loosen up nicely after a few wears and walking around.

The laces are your standard round laces. They are long enough that if you have wider or fatter feet you should be able to lace them comfortable. There is a large industrial style zipper up the back and here is where I knock a couple of points off. The zipper action is very hard. I will likely oil the zipper a little to try and ease the action. That said, I believe the zipper is going to be pretty durable.

The platform, y’all.

The specs: these have a 3″ platform that is hollow inside with a bunch of baby plastic black spiders in it. Now if you look at the photos it looks like there is a ton, but really there aren’t that many. The bottom of the platform has a nice sole. See here:

platform

[image description: Platform ankle boots showing a clear platform with black plastic spiders inside.

The spiders move around while you walk and make a little noise. If you are sensitive to small kinda scratchy noises you won’t like them.

This type of platform is pretty great if you don’t like to wear heels or are newer to higher platforms. Like any other platforms since you don’t feel your feet hit the ground they can take a bit of getting used to. And you’ll probably stumble at least once I have.

Overall- I would have actually paid full price for these. I feel like the construction is solid, the wear is comfy, there is even some arch support which a lot of Goth shoes don’t have. A-.

I also had my eye on these Demonia boots. But here’s the thing about Demonia as a brand. I’ve worn Demonia boots for a long, long time and the last pair I purchased in probably 2013 or so were not great. The last pair I bought was these and while they are cute as shit, the construction is a hot shitty pants mess. On the inside of the boot in the toe box there is a weird solid ridge of plastic that cuts into my toes.

My problem with Demonia has been iffy construction. I have another pair of Demonia boots that are probably 7 years old and are fantastic. Also for the tall boots the calf circumference can be small.

So if you’re gonna wear Demonia, do try them on first if you can.

Also FYI- I really can’t write about all of the current terrible news. I can’t. So posting round these parts is gonna be fluffy and shiny because I have to take care of my mental health.

Cold Weather Style Feels.

In the past few months I’ve discovered (old news I know, but I AM OLD deal with it) Strega/Dark more fashion. Thank you tumblr.

One of the features of these styles I am in love with are a lot of the beautiful knit type items folks layer with. So, to that end, I’ve decided to make myself some of those because reasons.

I already crochet and have started a couple of my big giant shawls for myself. I have been looking into arm knitting as well.

I’m looking at making one of these shawls.  I have a terrible wool allergy so a lot of the projects with the awesome huge chunky yarns have been inaccessible to me until, DUN DUN DUN… (affiliate links ahead)

Bernat Mega Bulky yarn. I saw this yarn not long ago and want it so bad. I love how it looks. I want to try it out.

Red Heart Boutique Twilight Yarn in Armour delivers the sparkle with no wool and that jumbo size.

Another favorite is Lion Brand Homespun.

Back to the Dark Mori. I’m SO into the idea because I love the idea and being that I’m outside a lot, I feel like it should work. That said, I’m terrible at it. I’m going to try harder this fall and winter. I think giving myself teh task of making myself some of the top/upper layer accessories will help get me started

I’m collecting up images and inspo and when I’ve got some more of my shit together I’ll post some of my actual outfit ideas.

I think I might have a little bulky yarn hidden in my stash and this weekend I’m gonna try to dig out some of my shawls for wearing.

Also in this cold weather fashion trend of mine, I’ll probably angst about my struggle with finding appropriate shoes that I can afford.

Are any of y’all crafty? Show me the stuff you make. I promise I won’t bite you if you’re cool.

Coming up soon, we’re gonna talk buying leggings, we’re gonna talk about Fall/Winter textures AND OMG I’m super stoked I’m gearing up for a quick and dirty guide for newly naturals.

I’m really excited about what’s happening in my new little blog here.

Thanks for visiting.

ALSO, if you want to see more of my choices for woolfree awesome yarns, check out this link (also linked above) of some of my faves. ALSO I’ll be adding a craft section to my Amazon store as well.

 

Fall Aesthetics- Gender Fluid Goth Feelings

It is officially Fall in my brain. The weather is cooling down and is grey and drizzly.

That means, Fall Aesthetics are happening.

Per usual since I am protective styling my hair, I changed it. I’m rocking some evil mermaid locks right now and I’m super into it. I’ll have a whole post about it soon.

newhair

[image description: photo of the author. Brown skinned person with black and burgundy long wavy hair]

So that’s the hair aesthetic right now. A little Evil Femme Mermaid.

NOW the clothes.

Fall and cooler weather means I have to wear more pants and weather resistant stuff. Can we talk about what I’m craving?

My ultimate Fall looks are lots of vampy make up (messy smokey eye, big dark lips) very Goth Femme and I like cardigans and if I’m wearing pants I prefer skinny cut jeans (but not denim if I can help it), straight cut twill pants and of course leggings.

How about some links? Some are affiliate some not:

For some masc/butch footwear can we talk about black on black Timberlands? They are pricy but I believe they are worth it. When I was in my early 20s I had some classic ones that lasted for probably six years with a lot of heavy wear. Pro tip if you have smaller feet like me, try looking at Kids Footlocker for big kid sizes. You save some cash and have a few extra finish types to choose from. The other great thing about this style of boot is that if you get the adult sizes usually the mens sizes, they are steel cap which is great.

Also, if you can’t afford Timbs, check places like Payless or Kmart for similar styles. Usually you can find them in the work boot area.

Next tip about pants.

For reference about my body. In pants I am usually a 13-15 in Jrs. In grown lady pants depending on the cut and brand I’m anywhere from a 10-14. I have big ass hams and not a lot of booty. I also loathe pants. I wear them because I don’t like my ass or cooch being cold but I hate pants. Mainly because a lot of pants tend to not fit my hips/low waist at the same time. Or my high natural waist and my hips at the same time.

My advice about pants, especially for gender fluid folks.

Find a style of ass covering that makes you feel good about your booty. Doesn’t matter if they are dude pants, lady pants, leggings, jeggings, whatever.

Now for me, let me show y’all some of what is on my wishlist.

First up I am actually wearing these right now:

These are (that is an amazon affiliate link) Jr sizing low rise straight leg twill pants.

Pros: these fit my big hams small booty self very well. The rise is a bit low but not unbearable. They are inexpensive and last pretty well. Comfy (the material softens up very nicely) and I like them. They are very easily modded. They are very plain so you can add patches or trim or whatever floats your boat.

Cons: They do stretch kind of weird. You will eventually need a belt especially if you sit a lot.They are not the quality that the dude Dickie’s usually are. The material is thinner and they will not look as good for long.

They also do come in plus sizes.

Tips for buying: I have not found them in stores so if you’re unsure, order two sizes and return what doesn’t fit. Also if you have more booty in the pants regardless of size this cut probably won’t do you any good.

I’ve got half a mind to give this style a shot as well. I like that slightly wide leg fit. That sort of cut always makes me feel a little more boy. 

 

When I’m feeling a bit less masc but I don’t feel like wearing a dress I’m super into printed leggings this year.

Behold my new favorite leggings.

hammy

[image description: a photo of crossed legs. The leggings have small light colored print]

Those are my Bloodmilk Knock off Hamlet leggings.

Okay, yes I know I bought knock offs. I’m awful and whatnot.

Real talk though. I cannot spend on a good day (they are in Australia so the prices are in AUD) like 60$ on leggings that will probably not fit me because Bloodmilk notoriously does not serve fatties.So yeah nope. Fuck those people.

My secret for the four pairs of printed leggings I’ve picked up has been ebay. Search for your print and make sure you read any feedback and reviews. Keywords you want to pay attention to in the sizing details. American vs Asian sizing. Asian sizing is going to almost always run quite a bit smaller.

Some leggings hacks, especially printed leggings.

If they are a bit too see through in the butt or crotch wear tunic length tops. If they are just a bit too small or they don’t go all the way up to your crotch, get some tight fitting undies like mens briefs and wear em super hero style with a long top.

If the waistband elastic is too tight, break that shit. Basically stretch it until you hear or feel it pop then stretch it a bit more.

If you are more crafty, you can replace too small elastic with something else stretchy to give yourself more space in the waist without sacrificing your print.

Now let’s talk about some other subtle ways to get your gender feels on without having to buy more stuff.

For me personally when I’m feeling a bit more Masc Femme, I tend to wear different jewelry. Still pretty femme but it feels good to me to wear my chunkier jewelry when I feel more masc and my  more delicate jewelry when I feel more Feminine Femme.

I’m still exploring more ways of expressing my gender and talking about it in a way that fits the type of fluidity I feel.

What else are my Fall aesthetics? Some beauty stuff okay?

VAMPY LIPS Y’ALL.

I’ve been wearing the HELL out of this J.Cat Beauty Lip paint stuff in Queen of Hearts. It is a tad bit messy and if you have any dry skin around your mouth this will be an issue. It is really full coverage and I find that playing with blotting can totally change how the product looks on your lips. Super worth it

I’m also super into Nyx lippies. Y’all they have a TON of finishes, colors, opacities etc to choose from and they are fairly inexpensive so you can get to experiment without busting the bank. Currently I’m super obsessed with the Butter Glosses. I think at last count I have six of them and I LOVE them. Pro tip: they are frequently on sale at drug stores and Ulta for great deals like I picked up some that were buy two Nyx products get one free.

I’m still on the hunt for a new coat to wear between now and actual cold weather. I am super picky and have a terrible wool allergy so that struggle is super real.

Next time, I’ll probably blog some about more gender feels, some new skin care stuff I’m playing with and my urge to Vlog.

Later taters.

Amusements and Hustles.

First amusements.

When I got dressed this morning my main needs were comfy, somewhat warm and comfy. I am wearing leggings, a black cami and a big grey sweater and OTK black boots. Here is half my oufit:

ootd

As I was walking to the bus I had the most vivid memory.

Imagine yours truly, a middle teens potato. I remember I bought a black catsuit from the dirtmall (swapmeet) and I had these little kitten heel ankle boots and a color blocked acetate blazer WITH them shoulder pads. I put together this outfit with these big ass hoop earrings, some bangles and yes big ass bangs. I felt so cute for about two seconds and promptly burst into tears.

I recall stripping it all off and putting it in a drawer. I never once wore that catsuit. I remember throwing myself on my bed face down (in classic TV teen fashion) and crying my eyes out because how dare fat little me think I could ever expose people to the sight of my ass in that cat suit. I wrote for days in my diary about what a terrible shit person I was for even considering it.

I wrote about how I knew what size the girls people I knew called “cows” and that I was bigger than them and I imagined what people might say about me.

What’s amusing is that now, more than half my life later all those things I thought are so foreign to me. They don’t hurt anymore. I can look back and kind of shake my head at baby me. I want to go back in time and tell them that their body was great. That their body was a wee tank and to stop fucking doing high impact sports and exercise.

The other thing that I find amusing is that my current internal monologue about my body revolves around keeping my ass the size it is, being mad that my underboob is chafing or that I’ve unleashed hell fire between my thighs by forgetting to get my chub rub protection on.

So you know, if you are struggling with this stuff. If you work on it and learn to adjust your thinking it does get better, someday you might even be like me look back and just kind of chuckle.

Now some hustle news.

I am back in the Amazon Affiliate program.

This means a few things for this here bloggy blog.

  1. I will use A LOT of amazon links. I don’t make that much but it adds up.
  2. I have stated rebuilding my amazon store. Basically I pretend like I get to have my ultimate beauty, book and thangs store. Everything in it is hand picked by me. I make choices about it. So far it’s just beauty and books but I’ll be adding a clothing section a food/snax/tea section and probably a gadgets/tech section. Find it here. 

Also, I’m working on doing some extra stuff over at Patreon. This week I posted up a free story set in the universe of my ongoing draft of my first urban fantasy book The Daiyu Saga. Get that here.

I am seriously doubling down on that grind right now. I am also working on some new special content for this lil spot.

Wig review is on the way. More beauty reviews. You know the shit I like.

That’s all my darlings. I’m going to also consider doing a few more beauty things. I have stuff to say.

Later taters. Happy Pride if you celebrate it. Be safe, hug people you love and have a fine damn time.