Auntie is Old AF and it is good.

Hi darlings.

Yesterday was my 43rd birthday. Holy fuckballs. I am FORTY THREE YEARS OLD. Had you asked me at 20 if I’d see 2020 I’d have laughed in your face. Even though I’ve had a lot of anxiety about my birthday (I will explain) because people are very kind and I have people who love me, they helped a lot.

So why am I so fucking birthday anxious? It isn’t aging. I’m good with aging even the bullshit parts. I love my grey hairs, I love that. I love that I’m officially at Fine Ass Old Auntie Age. Being young was real hard and I wouldn’t go back unless someone gave me a LOT of money to have back then and I got to keep what I’ve learned.

The thing is, I have a lot of trauma around um, expressing that I want things that aren’t necessary for survival. I feel guilty when I window shop, I hear the “teasing” of my parents about being greedy. Or the exapseration when I was like other kids and would be like, OMG I want that. You know, normal kid stuff.

Parents I want to say what is coming for you. Pay attention.

Some kids will hear everything you say and how you say it. I was a kid who got sick a lot. I know now that my parents had little money but then, what I heard was how much of a financial burden I was. Every prescription of antibiotics for my ear or other infections. Trips to the ER. School supplies. School clothes. Food. I very acutely felt the weight. I don’t think they did it on purpose necessarily but a lot of that behavior, the “teasing” really damaged me.

For instance. I did not know this was a bad story until I was trying to be funny and told a friend a long time ago and they were horrified.

Scene: Me as a little potato maybe 9 years old. I tried to keep a running tally of how much money I would owe my parents when I grew up. I tried to figure out how much it cost for me to eat, how much my clothes cost, I taught myself to try and eat less. Be small. Years ago I thought it was a cute story…it is not.

There are other traumas but that one kind of sums it up. I honestly thought I’d dealt with this. In my thirties I was fine sharing my wishlists and kind of being more casual about this stuff. I don’t know what happened but for the last few years I’ve had the hardest time saying like, I’d like this stuff for my birthday or for christmas.

Even from my partner or my bestie it has just been so hard. This year, y’all. Full disclosure. So I made this birthday wishlist. Please don’t feel obligated to buy stuff. I used it as some exposure therapy on myself. I LITERALLY spent almost 3 full months curating it. I was terrified that, I’d  put too many things on it. I was anxious because I put things on it that my lil fam doesn’t need. It took me literal weeks to even share the damn thing and then I kept screwing with it.

And I KNOW I KNOW how this shit sounds. I feel stupid but here we are.

That being said. I decided to really try this year. I got some gifts from friends and y’all, I wept. Knowing that there are people who were like, HEY lil potato have a good birthday. There has been sneakers (will post pics when I get a good one), yarn, snacks. A new stock pot. Having people give me things I’ve said explicitly that I want and not have them later on use it against me or to say, hey look I did something nice for you already. it has meant a lot.

The other thing is, I treated myself. It was also very important for me in my process of re-parenting myself, and being a good Space Dad to me. So below find some photos of me being a good Space Dad to myself.

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[image description: inside of an amazon box. from Left to right, a large container of protein superfood, a box of liquid biotin, a small bottle of toner and a bottle of probiotics]

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[image description: inside of a box. from left to right. Organic superfood protein powder and a large cannister of collagen powder]

I had a bunch of other shit in my cart but, I was freaked out enough that I had to edit it, think about it and edit it. So I got what is important to me. Nutrition and skin care.

I ordered a yoga mat too but I think it got stolen.

But overall, I was a good Dad to myself. I’m gonna keep working on it.

BUT happy mother fucking birthday to me. Holy shit I’m 43!

A little fashion and Musing

HAY BOO HAY. Yer fave weirdo Auntie with some fashion.

Recently, I treated myself to a few items from a Killstar Mega clearance. Here is a referral link, 5% off of your first purchase and I get VIP points.

I have a little haul and some thoughts on the brand.

First up this absolutely gorgeous backpack I’ve literally had my eye on since it came out. Killstar is way overpriced so I watched and when it went on sale I snatched it right up.

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[image description: photo of a backpack with fanged toothey roses on a black background]

This beauty is the Paradise Backpack. Still on sale. Specs from Killstar:

– Faux Leather.
– Statement Graphic.
– Branded Plaque.
– Zipped.
– Adjustable Straps.
– Size 33 x 37 x 12 cm, Straps 40 – 71 cm.

This is a beautiful piece, it isn’t too huge and not too small. The inside has a rear padded pocket, an open space and the front zip pocket is quite roomy. Nicely padded straps and I am pretty sure this will wear nicely. It also has two side outside pockets that are perfect to hold a compact umbrella.

Is it worth the $52.99 original price? Meh. It is a backpack.

Now here is where the problematic bit comes in. That print is not original. Killstar has been called out for this before and obviously they don’t care. I know this. And yet, I bought it anyway because I a.) needed  a new backpack and b.) really love the print. This is an instance where, yeah I can deal with the problematic brand.

I’ve purchased some other items from Killstar. One of my favorites is the Donnie Skater dress.  I picked it up on sale for 16$ and that price was appropriate. Of the clothing pieces I have from them, I would honestly not pay full price for their clothing.

Here is why.

First issue is their very inconsistent sizing. This drives me up the wall when it is a single brand store. This irritates me beyond belief. For the price range, say generally even skater dresses are about/over $50, I expect better quality control including sizing. I have shopped goth/dark aesthetic brands for 20 years at varying price points and body sizes. This has been a constant issue except for (Shocker) brands like Tripp and Everlasting love, Lip Service for two minutes and yes, I understand that they are likely manufacturing in sweatshops around the world but come on man.

The Donnie skater dress I got in a size L (I am about a jrs 11 for reference) it fits beautifully. I picked up a thrifted other of their prints from a couple of years ago, same cut, same fabric, same size and it was absurdly tight and short. The inconsistency is not great. My Donnie dress is also more see through than I would expect for an originally $52 dress.

I had the same issue with some panties. One pair I bought in a size L is way too big. Same order, different pair the size L is way too small.

I’ve heard wildly differing reviews on their shoes. From they are amazing to, I wore them for a day and the platform came off.

For contrast, I picked up a knock off from Wish.. Y’all, between us I think the supplier is the same. I got the wish dress for 8$. It is the same material as the Donnie dress, the fit is as good. It is less see through and here’s my takeaway.

Expensive goth brands are pretty but, I advise caution in paying full retail. I personally really only buy Killstar when it is on mega sale.

I can’t recommend their hosiery or knee high socks, I bought a pair that was child sized and we don’t do that here.

Overall, frankly in spite of them being a very high end status type brand, the clothing is not generally worth the price in terms of quality and fit. Buy at yer own risk.

A pro tip on my shopping methodology. I save items. I make wishlists and when I think I want to buy some stuff, I watch the sales, VIP point offers etc like a friggin hawk. Which is how I have this gorgeous bag.

Also a few words about their half hearted attempt at inclusive sizing………………….le sigh.

They have scattered occasional plus sizes 1x-3x. Some of their straight sized items are roomy/stretch enough to accommodate a few sizes into that range. Like so many other brands, especially brands that cater to a specific aesthetic they are really fucking themselves out of a lot of money.

Fact. Fat people are willing to put down cash for what they want full stop. A casual glance at some of the offerings for fat folks, things are comparably priced if not more expensive *COUGH fuckin Torrid*.

Fact. A casual glance through the Killstar FB comments, people want more sizing inclusivity. So many (often problematic but whatever) comments from people outside of the 0-12ish size range saying, PLEASE make this in our size.

It is 20-dingdang-20. There are no reasons for companies, especially niche aesthetic companies to completely ignore fat people.

So at the end here. I only halfway recommend Killstar. I have a few of their housewares (also overpriced) that are nice. I LOVE the aesthetics but, they aren’t a company I’m going to go hard for or spend my coin before a sale.

All that said, I shall continue having wet dreams about these boots.

Coming soonish….better attempts at outfit shots.

 

 

When Times are Tough…Fashion.

Hello from your most irregular Auntie folks.

Yes I KNOW I said more posts but, life does things.

So instead let’s talk fashion. I was talking to a Baby Bat I know and they were fairly astonished by my Gothable View of fashion. There are affiliate links in here. Marked with an * for everything not covered by Amazon or Shopstyle.

What is Gothable?

Gothable in my world are not specifically Goth things that I can and will put in my wardrobe. I think for a lot of folks, especially us Office Goths, we can’t always be decked out in Victorian Luxe a la my fave Auntie Jillian. Some of us would rather not. So let’s talk about things I find HIGHLY gothable. With two brand new pin boards.

I personally have a philosophy that if I can buy an item, I will because I like it. This also means I do frequently as I’ve mentioned shopped at places folks disapprove of for various reasons. My current booty is about chonky teen sized and a lot of jrs cut clothing fits me well so I’ve been buying some great pieces at Hot Topic. *GASP* THE HORROR.

I also bought pieces from times when Gothyish was in because here’s the thing. Most of us can’t afford to buy exclusively GOTH brands nor do all of us have the skill for DIY. I KNOW OMG THE LIFESTYLE RAWR OH GOD DIY OR DIE…ahem.

Sewing is a skill. I personally have made clothes and they looked okay but sucked. Most of the time, even if I’m recycling shit, I just don’t have the skills to make anything cool. And my efforts tend to a.) not look good and b.) wind up costing as much as retail in time, spoons and materials. So DIY if you can but storebought is goddamn fine.

For my first pinboard, I labeled it affordable Gothables. There’s stuff from Walmart, Etsy, Asos, Target etc.

The great thing about anything alt or dark flavored being trendy is that those styles become knocked off and accessible. Can’t afford Killstar* you can probably find things similar if you look that fit in your budget.

Below is my, if neither size nor budget were a consideration Goth Dream Lewks. Designer shit that wouldn’t fit me etc. I use these as aesthetic ideas mainly.

Another method of Gothables for me is accessories. GOSH. Y’all. Between Etsy, Ebay and Amazon and whatnot you can find some spooky accessories for every price point. Evil Empire links ahoy.

 These cuties are under ten bucks a pop and I personally love them. Love skulls? Can’t afford real bones? Items like this are great. Unlike when I was a babybat, it was ding dang hard to find cheap spooky jewelry that was shiny AND as these are nickel free.

Wanna DIY it? Grab some plain chokers like these and voila, slide a lil skull on it and voila. Fashion.

Would you rather buy handmade? Some of my fave shops.

UglyShyla. (Do NOT CLICK if you are scared of dolls) I really love Shyla’s pieces. I probably have four or so. She goes far to make things that are both lower and higher end prices. Nice quality.

Vandyland makes some cute necklaces. I want to say I have 2? Horror icons, movie references. These are not expensive and light to wear.

Osteal. Like bones and witchy looking pretty things made of metal? Check out this shop. I have a piece from Osteal that was gifted to me and is really nice. Very reasonable pricing.

Sumayyah Said So.  This shop is run by a dear friend of mine. I have, gosh five pieces from them? Anyway, they make beautiful jewelry including earrings, wrapped stones and necklaces. US shipping only.

Shakur Arts Studio. Looking for something really unique? Another shop run by a dear friend. They have some really beautiful and creative fiber/yarn art pieces. Yarn and beads they also make some really lovely collage art.

Wolftea. I don’t know how I found Wolftea but I have a couple of their antler pieces and I just love them. If you are going for a forest witch or Dark Mori inspo, this shop has it.

My secret to finding accessories is that I limit my search terms. For instance, search bone jewelry on etsy and find a HUGE choice of items that range from 5-10$ on up through the 100s.

This is also where I encourage you to get your thrift on. Whether online or in the shops. If you have holy grail items, set yourself some alerts in ebay or Poshmark. When I set my search alerts I usually will do the name of a style and my size. Or if it is harder to find, just the name of the style.

Here’s the thing about aesthetics. Some folks just like a Dark or Gothy Aesthetic. That’s fine. Some folks are ALL in with the culture. Also fine. Dark aesthetics being trendy isn’t the end of the world. One brand *cough Killstar* isn’t newly making being Goth expensive. This has been a thing forever, not because of trends but because capitalism. Be mad at the right thing.

And lastly, y’alls. Have some fuckin fun. Aesthetics doesn’t have to be srs business even if it is Goth Aesthetics. Enjoy yourself. Wear a crop top. Get your booty shorts on. Wear winklepickers with broomstick skirts and band tees. Do you Boo.

How not to Break Beauty.

Over at bookface, I ran across a post from the make up company Wet N Wild. Ahem. Note the brown skinned folks in some of the posts/photos.

Love the idea of a lot of what they do. No cruelty, vegan yadda yadda. BUT, most of their face products don’t come in shades appropriate for folks darker than beige. I think one of the foundations comes in a few shades of brown but, come on.

Their new mega cushion foundation literally comes in fiftyshades of beige.

Not long ago plus size retailer Universal Standard did a giveaway of free tees. From their website about us page:

We’re here to break the plus-size fashion industry.
We will accomplish this by making beautiful, quality, modern, elevated essentials for women size 10-28.
We will tear down existing barriers by doing this at democratic prices, and by turning away from fast fashion and all of its waste, inhumanity, and disastrous impact on the environment.
We will use Universal Fit Liberty to shut down the size-bully living in the head of every woman who doesn’t see her true self in the mirror by giving her the leeway to change her body without penalty to her style, or her wallet.
We will create clothes that will erase the style barrier between her and her smaller-size peers.
We will welcome her to our showroom and give her the peace and luxury of a one-on-one session with a stylist.
We will create stunning imagery and thoughtful editorial content because we want her to know she has the right to expect it.
We will say to her, ‘now you can,’ and make it so, in every way a brand can.
And when her interaction with US is over, she will say:
Finally!

The teeshirt I got for free is normally fifty dollars. For a tee shirt. A TEE SHIRT.

What do these things have in common?

This is what happens when capitalism wants to play at activism. Lane Bryant does it, lots of cosmetics companies etc do it. THey want you to feel good about shopping with them on the tickly idea that you’re being part of a movement.

However, if we examine these things closely we find the problem.

It is very rare that the about us, or hashtags actually match up with the brand. Wet N Wild for instance, their hash tags imply accessibility but if we look at what they offer, if you’re not in the fifty shades of Becky range, the choice is deeply limited. They cash in on the cachet of having WOC models/photos but don’t put in the effort to make their product accessible to those people.

Universal Standard is doing something that is almost the same. Just like every other plus size brand, their mission statement implies that you the fat customer are getting some special amazing experience. What is funny is that a lot of fat people are absolutely excluded from jump. If you aren’t of a particular economic class, I doubt you can look at your bank account and say, hell YES get me that fifty dollar tee shirt.

If you are over a size 28 well, too bad so sad.

This is a problem and has been for a long time. Capitalism likes to play dress up in order to make us feel good about having to participate in it. A lot of people want to believe that by buying a shirt from a store that uses progressive sounding hashtags they are really doing something radical.

They aren’t.

This is what the commodification of the lowest level activism looks like. This is what it looks like to use your economic privilege to try and seem more radical.

The fact is, a lot of people, especially those involved with not sparkly or pretty activism are not the demographic here. A lot of the Fat Activists I’ve known for at least 10-15 years, couldn’t afford to vote with their wallets that way. And in terms of clothes accessible to fat folks this is what happens.

Brand X offers body posi sounding line of clothing that is overpriced tee shirts and ugly stretch knits. Folks don’t buy it because it is expensive and ugly. Brand X says, OH WELL WE TRIED U UNGRATEFUL FAT HOES. Brand X goes back to their usual bullshit and get to say, well the market isn’t there.

Make up companies do it with dark skinned folks ALL the time. High end brands want to say that Black women especially don’t buy their products. They make two shades of brown, lots of BW don’t buy it because there are way more shades of us than that, brand says SEE WE TRIED.

These things have gone on for years. They come in and out of fashion and frankly this is why I am very reluctant to vote with my wallet. For me while I do love the idea of voting with my wallet, a lot of the time I’m just not in a position to or frankly I see through too much of the initial shiny RAH RAH LOOK HOW GOOD WE ARE.

I have a lot of friends who are very determined to shop ethically and I think that’s great. It is wonderful. What’s not awesome is the idea that all of us can do that to the same degree. For instance. Probably ten years ago, I remember a big long thing in the fatshion community about not allowing folks who shopped at Walmart to post outfit photos because it encouraged shopping at Walmart.

We all know Walmart fucking sucks.

Some of us know that and shop there out of necessity. Let’s look at a common necessity. Panties.

Now I personally am fond of the Fruit of the Loom Beyond soft briefs. If I were someone who wears a size 30-32 (according to their size chart)

13 56 – 59.5 30W – 32W

We can assume some stretch in the 56-59.5 hip measurement. Now at Walmart you can get a pack of these for $12.44. Now if we shopped with ALL BODIES type thing in mind we might look at Lane Bryant. A similar style of panty is available but only up to size 26. For 10.50$

26/28 14-15 46-48 51-52

Now in this example the person who buys the Walmart draws in a size 13 is not only saving money but they have access to panties their size.

I don’t believe that the person who chooses the Walmart drawers is ethically bankrupt or doesn’t care about how shitty Walmart is. Sometimes, you just really need some damn drawers.

And that is where a lot of arguments about ethical shopping or voting with your wallet fall apart for me. Often there is just a lack of nuance in terms of how these things work in real life for a lot of us.

Marginalization can have a major impact on how we buy, what we buy etc. I think that conversations and actions trying to deal with trying to do our best under capitalism are so important, we need to learn to be more inclusive and listen when our friends say yo this isn’t gonna work for me.

For instance.

If you’re not a fat person and you insist that folks don’t shop a certain brand that goes beyond say a size 24, think about what that says to your size 26 or 40 friends. If you’re someone who is into make up, if you do reviews of say a line of foundations, say hey this does not come in colors made for brown people.

If you work in the has influence area of fashion or make up, bring this shit up. Ask those questions.

Ask if we are breaking beauty, where are our products to support that idea? Why don’t we have products for this person we’re saying is awesome?

I’d like to see our conversations about ethical consumption become less if you don’t do these things you suck type conversations and dig more into accessibility and how reasonable it is to expect folks to all have the same ability to impact these things.

I think when we make these conversations less about doing the most to be right and more about how to live and function and feel like we’re able to make the best decisions we can in our unique circumstances, we’ll be more effective in figuring out how to enact change.

That’s all for now.

PS

We are still not moved. Life is a mess so posting will remain very sporadic.

Wardrobe and stretchiness.

This upcoming move has given me the nudge I needed to really get to work on redoing my wardrobe.

As an aging Goth, while my heart yearns for the fanciest of frills and tight lacing and leather and whatnot, reality is I don’t really have the means for that. Okay hold up.

Let me say something about Goth and other subcultures that irritates the shit out of me. The insistence that you cannot be a real *enter subculture here* unless you DIY or dress just so you are a poseur. Can we be real? Regardless of age, the fact is not all of us have the skill to DIY it all. DIY can be more expensive in terms of sourcing materials, skill and time than just buying a thing.

I REALLY wish we could leave that narrative behind. The whole debate has been around for so long and frankly I find it ableist and boring.

ANTEEWAY.

Aging Goth-righty right.

My aesthetic is moving towards all things layered and comfy. Some Femme Goth Prince Nightmare fuel. I want floaty, witchy, stretchy, chunky boots everything. If money and size were not a thing (I’ll put a pinboard at the bottom) I would be a walking Killstar ad. There would be a lot of weird indie designer stuff, lots of one of a kinds. Handmade.

That said, I’ll do what I do best. Rebuild from cheap basics. (Affiliate links ahoy)

Some basics to build on. I have at least four skater skirts of varying length. I have them from mini to midi and they are a staple in my wardrobe. The secret to buying them online is always, ALWAYS look at the measuring chart AND read the reviews. Even if folks aren’t your size, you can extrapolate. So if a person says they usually wear an XXS and the size M was too tight to go over their hips, you know if you’re a size M you should size way up or get another skirt. I love them tucked in, with cardigans, with boots, with mary janes, thigh high socks, crop tops. LOVE THEM. If you get one that’s too short, layer it up.

Next thing. Y’all I have been singing praises about fold over waist skirts for like ten years. Wheelchair using babes or folks with any type of neuropathy or other thing that might make you sensitive to a tight waistband, GET ON THIS. Because the waist folds rather than cinches, you can wear them and not worry about them cutting in. You can get them in a million colors, varying lengths. I don’t recommend paying more than 20$ MAX because the waist will stretch out over time but honestly, a super versatile staple and I personally have been wearing them forever. Also great for layering. Fat babes, especially if you have a big belly these are fantastic. Wear them on your belly, below your belly, pulled up to your tits. They are just that comfy.

For basic tops, I’m a ride or die plain tee or tank kinda person. Although, I am getting into wanting to try some tops with like peephole backs and straps and shit. I buy packs of ribbed tanks, I like camisoles. Mostly I don’t want my titties bedazzled.

In terms of my wardrobe, I’m moving towards all stretch except a couple of pairs of things. I am finally starting to adapt and learn how to dress for physical problems I have and to not only wear shit I like but accommodate what my body needs. I’ve been working a lot on my ableism towards myself and my body and I think I’m doing okay.

I just don’t physically tolerate a lot of stuff and working with it sometimes makes me annoyed. My goal with my wardrobe as I’m an redoing it is as follows:

  • My clothes should be able to fit me and still look the way I want +/- 15 or so pounds or whatever bloating I happen to be doing.
  • I want soft textiles.
  • I want variety.
  • I want some fuckin prints.

Like, y’all. I have been working really hard on confronting my own ableism towards myself and this is a pretty big step for me. My body needs some stuff and I’m working on providing it.

As I’m looking at redoing my wardrobe my focus is a lot on boots, leggings, interesting cardigans and layrable things. My style is very much settling on going between anime villain, to Femme Goth Office drag to how I really wanted to dress in the 90s.

The other thing factoring in is storage. We’re moving to a very small place so I want stuff I can fold rather than hang and have it not be a problem.

I’ll keep y’all posted.

Below find my pinboard with ideas, from lots of places. I’ll be adding to it.

 

 

2017…look back at it Make up Edition

2017 hot garbage we know.

SO let’s talk about make up that rocked my lil world. *Again affiliate links, y’all know.

Foundation:

NYX PROFESSIONAL MAKEUP Total Control Drop Foundation. – Y’all. Y’ALL. 14$. The MOST adjustable coverage. I love this foundation. For drugstore, it is my holy grail even though it isn’t technically matte or long wear. A++

L’ORÉAL Infallible Pro-Matte 24HR Foundation. Honorable mention. This was my ride or die for a long time but, unfortunately when my skin cleared up it stopped being quite so awesome. Still HELLA good though.

Powders:

The Fiona Stiles INVISIBLE FINISH LOOSE SETTING POWDER is great. Not 26$ great, I picked mine up on super clearance at ULTA in the shade Sorrento. Finely milled, no flashback. Nice velvety finish. Ulta doesn’t carry it anymore but if you can find it discounted on Ebay yes. I’ve been using it under my foundation (we’ll talk about that later) and it is a very nice powder.

MAYBELLINE Fit Me Loose Finishing Powder. I picked this up in deep IN A DRUG STORE NEAR MY HOME, y’all that shit was amazing. So the powder is very finely milled, very soft and smooth. I’ve used a lot of loose powders and this one is right up there with my beloved Cover Fx matte powder. Even when I wear a satin finish foundation on occasion it keeps my face more matte than not. Even in the middle of the  period skin freak out, my face didn’t lose coverage or grease up. I def. recommend also it comes in a good variety of shades.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but I spend a lot of time looking for a pressed powder that works for me somewhat close to Mac Blot Powder (holy grail powder) and this year I’ve gone through a few. My current go to fave with notes is the Wet N wild Photo Focus pressed powder. Okay first impression I found it a little hard to manage. It added coverage and is very easy to cake up in a bad way. Also the compact has no goddamn mirror.

HOLD UP.

HELLO ENGINEERS. Yes the little dome packaging is sleek, it has a weight in the hand that doesn’t say, this is cheap shit. BUT, do you know how hard it is to hold your phone up to your face, palm your powder AND put it on. Nah son.

That said, I used a super fluffy little kabuki rather than the puff and made sure to blot before powder and the finish is lovely. Velvety. Very pretty. I recommend this one for folks who wear little or no foundation. It will add a bit of coverage and keep you lookin smooth.

NEXT ONE (I KNORITE, powders and lip products man.)

Honorable mention: MAYBELLINE Fit Me Matte + Poreless Powder. This is the pressed powder and like the wet n wild can do you dirty if not applied carefully. That said it does give that silky velvet matte finish. Also super affordable. This one I don’t find in drugstores so much in my color.

Mascaras:

So I usually have a rotation of four or five mascaras depending on how I want my lashes to look. In the last few months I’ve been using ONE.

Rimmel Volume Accelerator Mascara, is a fucking ALL STAR. On the face of it, I thought I’d hate this mascara. This version has a huge brush, is very wet but y’all. First of all, it gives my lashes a lengthened fanned appearance. Also, I think it has indeed accelerated my lashes. I didn’t do before photos because I didn’t think I’d get effects. Even the Uniballer noticed my lashes look fuller. I want to try the serum too.

Wet N Wild Lash Renegade. It has a weird spiky brush with a wand and once I got the hang of it, I am very into the look. I like to wear fourteen pounds of mascara and I can with this without it getting too messy. WNW is cruelty free if that’s a thing you are into. It is cheap and hugely available. The only reason it isn’t my go to is because I have shaky hands and sometimes I can’t be having a spiky thing near my eyeballs. Love it. It is super good on the lower lash line for me, my bottom lashes are stumpy and this brush grabs them without being messy.

Lips:

I am a lip product FANATIC. Lipstick, lipgloss, balms, tinted balms YOU NAME IT! I love it.

First some all star balms. I suffer easily dehydrated lips. I have allergies and sometimes I mouth breath in my sleep and my lips crack.

A new favorite balm is the Badger Creamy Cocoa Cocoa Butter Lip Balm. I grabbed it on a whim and am very pleased. It goes on nice and thick, the cocoa butter melts right into your lips and they are very soft. It isn’t strongly flavored, it smells/tastes like unrefined cocoa butter. Also it makes an amazing matte lipstick remover and after scrub balm.

Alba Botanica Hawaiian Pineapple Quench Lip Balm.  Another newer fave. I love this one for nighttime under a heavy thick product. Nothing weird in it, it doesn’t taste/smell super strongly. This is a great balm for people who don’t like a beeswaxy or thick balm.

Gloss next. I don’t mind a matte lip but at heart I am a gloss person. I love a wet look shiny lip.

First up a brand new fave. The Milani Stellar Lights Holographic Lip Gloss. Y’ALL. I haven’t been looking at make up for a couple of months since we’re moving/saving dollars. However, to celebrate my little poetry book coming out I snagged this on a whim because it was blue and shiny. YO. First of all, how DARE they come out with a duochrome gloss that is also hella sparkly. Second of all, the depth of sparkle in it is gorgeous. This is the holo/duochrome I’ve been DREAMING ABOUT. The color shift is visible on naked lips and it’s just amazing. I will be buying all of them.

Pro tip for brown babes especially those with dark or not red lips. Glosses like these are AMAZING on non red lips. If you want more of a nude sparkle, go for a goldenish tone version. For real.

I’ve gone through two tubes of the BURT’S BEES Lip Shine this year. One in pucker and one in the brownish shade. I found the coverage to be buildable from totally sheer to tinted. This is another one in that browny shade if you have brown or dark lips is !!!. A tiny bit sticky which I don’t mind. It is very moisturizing to me. And shiny.

For high end, hands down my pants Mac Lipglass is my shit. I buy one probably once every couple of years for at least ten years now? My favorites are the kind of milky shades, the nudes. The high sparkle ones. My favorite of the last few years came from their Star Trek inspired collab. MAC Star Trek Dramatic Color Lipglass (Warp Speed Ahead). Not the best feeling but it is so pretty I don’t even care.

Shout outs to the two dollar store glitter glosses I have that have more glitter than the more expensive ones. Don’t sleep on the dollar store y’all. Especially for small things like glosses and nail polish.

What else?

OH I have bought and used concealers and primers. Normally I don’t do all that but sometimes I like to have them on hand.

For my brown folks with the blue toned hyperpigmentation. Baby, come here. Closer, listen to your Auntie. This shit right here. WILL block that blue/blackness so you can be great. My favorite color corrector of ALL FUCKING TIME. L.A. GIRL HD Pro Concealer 

Y’all. If you are brown you want the orange. Start with a wee bit and play with it. SHIT WORKS. If you are tan down through medium beige, get the peach. If you are medium beige to very pale, get the peach and the white and mix them down.

To do undereye non hyperpigmentation things, I use NYX Professional Makeup Hi Definition Photo Concealer Wand. I grabbed it on sale and it is creamy, easy to blend for concealer noobs and is amazing.

Okay my loves. I will calm down. These are my absolute stand outs for new/recurring make up faves. Next it will be hair stuff.

Stay tuned.

Auntie loves you.

2017…..looking back.

2017 has been a giant trash fire.

So….yeah nope.

That said let’s talk about some of my favorite things.

Skincare up first. *Most of these will be affiliate links, Auntie needs coins cause bitches gotta eat.

Cleaners:

L’Oreal Pure Clay Cleanser Detox and Brighten. I am on my second tube of this and I really love it. Leaves my skin nice and clean, it lathers up nicely. It is a bit too perfumy but overall it does me good.

Garnier Clean+ Makeup Removing Lotion Cleanser Sensitive Skin. Y’all know (I will do a new reggie post soon) I double cleanse my face. I picked this up and am about done with a tube. It removes make up really nicely. I use this first. It is gentle enough that my skin stays moist but it does a good job on my long wear foundation. If you don’t wear fourteen pounds of mascara regularly, it gets off mascara well too.

First Aid Beauty Skin Rescue Deep Cleanser. SUCH a great mid/low Sephora type price cleanser. It does in fact deep clean but doesn’t leave my face stripped. This one is in heavy rotation I use it at least twice a week. It is nice and thick, has a great texture on the skin.

BIORÉ Charcoal Acne Cleanser.  This one is a winner with a few caveats. First one, my personal face is very suspicious of salicylic acid. I don’t use it a lot because my skin will get mega dehydrated. That said, I keep this cleanser on deck for hormonal breakouts. Or if my face just feels grody. It will clean the shit out of your face. Great low cost deep DEEP cleanser to have on hand.

GARNIER SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water All-in-1 Cleanser & Makeup Remover.  When I first got this, I kind of hated it. I felt like it leaves a film, took WAY too much work to get my make up off because I wear a shitload. HOWEVER, it is really great to follow the make up removing lotion and it will get off ALL my seventeen pounds of mascara and liner without scrubbing. It is great to just get off any missed make up and I’ve been using it daily. If you have dry skin and don’t wear a lot of make up, this might be amazing for you.

Toners:

Now I am a relatively new convert to this step. That said. I’ve been trying some.

I use a 50/50 mix of Bragg USDA Organic Raw Apple Cider Vinegar, With The Mother  and filtered water. I actually feel personally attacked by this. Y’all. I HATE HATE HATE the smell of acv but, it works so well on my body. It works so nicely it makes me ANGRY. I legit get mad. The toner, balances my face and my skin just feels better using it. I used it for three months, took a month off and absolutely noticed a difference in the feel of my skin. I haven’t been able to do a shot of it a day but, baby steps. We’re gonna revisit it.

Moisturizers/serums/oils.

First up Vitamin C serums. My two favorites are Claire-ity 25% Vitamin C Serum with Hyaluronic Acid and Vitamin E and Vitamin C Serum with Hyaluronic Acid and Vitamin E – Anti-Aging Tropical Facial Serum by Umber.  They are almost identical. The Umber serum is a tad bit more liquidy but they perform the same for me. I like having my hyaluronic acid in with the vitamin C. This is another product I questioned the efficacy of. After I ran out of the Claireity I went without for a couple of months and yeah. It matters for my skin. Using vit c serum absolutely helps keep me from developing new hyperpigmentation, my skin is more even toned. Also my current hyperpigmentation smooths out way faster.

THE ORDINARY Buffet. I was on the fence about this one but stopped using it for a while. When it joins with all the other shit I put on my face, smoother skin. Plumper skin. Hydrated skin so I really do love it.

My FAVORITE facial oil isn’t available online. I use a CVS house brand brightening oil. Y’all. It is the SHIT. I was underwhelmed with Argan oil for my face, I honestly grabbed it on a whim and I am very impressed. I’m not sure about the brightening powers but, using it has absolutely upped the general moisturization of my face. HA WAIT I lied. Find it here.

Masks:

Get a snack this is taking a while. For masks I keep quite a few on hand depending on what my skin needs. Some are interchangeable some not so much.

I use sheet masks a lot. I picked up this multipack and y’all. I especially recommend using these after any deep cleansing, deep exfoliation or peels. Mostly, I use them for the hardcore moisture. Also it is just relaxing.

Next up some hardcore ride or dies.

FORMULA 10.0.6 Deep Down Detox Ultra Cleansing Mud Mask. This is marketed for teens and if you’ve been  here a minute, y’all have seent it. This brand is marketed for teens but I bust it out when I’ve got hormonal breakouts or my skin is just trippin. I love it.

Charcoal & Black Sugar Facial Polishing Mask. For surface scrubby exfoliation (for me it helps with my peely scaly ass face) this is really great. Not too gritty, leaves my skin soft and fresh. Also the price!!!

Another OH SHIT MY FACE mask is the ORIGINS Out of Trouble 10 Minute Mask to Rescue Problem Skin. Y’all. Y’ALL. This shit right here is reserved for my OH FUCK OH FUCK WTF IS THAT SHIT moments. It is powerful and not for the sensitive of faceballs. It is intense enough at drying up pimples that now that my skin is generally clear I reserve it for spot treating bumps, mainly anything with a whitehead, or those shitty under the skin bumps. It works. It will make your eyes water.

I use other masks mainly for relaxation. For instance those packet sauna masks and shit. The Montagne Jeunesse Red Hot Earth Sauna Masque is one of my favorite things on earth. It doesn’t do  much but I love the sensation of self heating so much I will buy them by the handful for strictly relaxing purposes.

Moisturizers- eh none this year have blown my socks off.

So let’s stop there cause I got more and ain’t nobody got time for that.

Come back probably Monday for body stuff!!

What are your faves?

Goth Thoughts- Anime villain Edition

Hello my loves.

Let’s talk lewks. Lately a large part of my aesthetic is looking like a King Queerdo Chubby Anime Villain.

Let’s talk about when you find a pair of awesome boots and ways to style it. Our theme today is chunky anime villain.

The boots (I am obsessed with these and yes I know they are likely a Puma Fenty knockoff but I ain’t got Fenty cash. Also all links are in fact amazon affiliate links, Auntie needs coins).

boot

[image description: black round toe thich high boots. They lace up the front with a few straps around the legs]

I dunno about y’all but, I so rarely get to buy really great shoes I tend to think about styling first before purchase. I’ve had my eye on these beauties since someone linked them to me. I just love them. The round toe, the straps. Everything.

So let’s talk styling em.

For winter/fall I’m looking at layers. First layer, leggings.

Let’s look at some of my personal choices.

These Spanx moto faux leather leggings are expensive as fuck but I LOVE the moto detail.

motolegging

[image description: a thin white person in white sneakers, black fake leather leggings with motorcycle themed details]

I mean, the boot goes over the knee and on my big fat ham would highlight that moto detail beautifully. I am a HUGE fan of faux leather leggings. Even with a smooth leather OTK boot for that full leather leg look. If moto isn’t your steez, have a look at these, these and these. The last pair are plus size up to a 24, unlike other leggings faux leather leggings sizing is a bit more difficult to fudge so if you are larger than a 24 on the bottom, you might want to find some that at least go to a 26 for a comfy fit. Pro tip for keeping faux leather leggings nicer for longer. Instead of hand washing or putting in the machine, hand clean any smelly parts and lay flat to dry.

If you aren’t ready for faux leather full leg. Try out some cute leggings detailing. I LOVE the bit of skin on these lattice work leggings. The ripped legging can be great, these you can wear a solid color pair of tights underneath or fishnets and have that pop detail and it is super cute. These faux leather inset leggings are great. I love the shape of the faux leather on them. Very understated sexy.

For a slightly more visually stimulating villainy look, I love the idea of these jacquard look leggings. Or go with a great print for less villainy. I’m a HUGE fan of Viv collection leggings, they are super soft and come in a very good variety of sizes and the prints y’all…the prints are awesome.

Other bottoms options.

I love a plain midi skirt over some tall boots and tights. I’ve had TONS of this style and they are super comfy. Best thing is as far as sizing goes, you can easily put your belly into one and wear it even if it is “too small”. The knit stretches, you could even wear it under your belly. Wheelie babes or babes who don’t like to or can’t wear binding waistbands, buy a shitload of these. I highly recommend this style of skirt and you can find them in lengths from mini to maxi.

I’m also a big fan of a big tall boot and a skater skirt. I love them and at this point you can get them in plain colors like this, mermaid prints like this (I have one in black and it is my fave skirt). For a slightly longer length, I mean y’all. Look at these right here. And always ALWAYS check the descriptions for sizing. Pro tip, if you are shopping from Asian sellers on Amazon, go for an elastic waist over a zipper. Dark floral? Yes please. There is something really great to me about funking up a very ladylike print with some edgy or clunky boots/shoes.

Now lets talk base layer tops. I wear a lot of tanks. I am not a fan of a fancy top and I do like to layer. Ones like these, and these. I’m starting to like ones with a little fancy detail like this strappy cami. I think the ones with the strappy front details are great for folks with boobs who want to show some skin but not be all like, titties all the way out. It is a good mid point.

I’m also a HUGE lover of a nice fitted tee. I prefer V necks and like the plain tanks, you can literally buy these anywhere in most sizes for good prices. Target, walmart, Old Navy (they make some of my favorites).

For the villainy look, the next thing I like are cardigans. Usually asymmetrical hem type. I LOVE this one. I like them long for that whole layered effect.  This type of longer pixie hem cardigan are fairly ubiquitous so you can find them in your size/color preferences pretty much all over the internet. Pro tip for busty people, to help keep your cardigan from just framing your boobs, wear a base layer with some texture to sort of help the cardi cling.

If you run warm or your base layer is long sleeve, there are sleeveless options that are great as well. The other thing is the sleeveless versions move between seasons really well depending on how you layer them.

Feeling extra fancy and dramatic? A poncho or cape can be magnificent. This one is expensive af but so pretty and probably feels super soft. Look at this cape, it has a hood and it is pretty awesome. For a lighter but still extra dramatic look, check out this here thingy. I mean COME ON. SO extra and so great.

I mean, life is hard. Be extra.

You can accessorive with jewelry or scarves. I’ve been experimenting with scarves a bit and you can pull in some dark mori influence there. Soften it up with some chiffon or lace. Butch it up with some tough accessories.

What else is on my fashion brain?

I want one of each of these dresses from Witch World Wide.  Velvet babydoll dresses bring back the FONDEST fashion memories for me.

So there you have it. Options for looking Villainous and awesome on a budget.

Next time we fashion, I think I’m going to talk some about ways to find stuff to fit your body and ways around bullshit sizing and tips on buying online.

Boots N Wishes

Hi y’all.

The last two weeks of my life have been really awful. My partner is really sick and has been debilitated and unable to leave the house. We’ve been to the ER twice and then I got sick too.

This particular cycle of my life has meant a lot of shit is just not going my way and yeah it is hard.

SO let’s fashion. I have not been able to replace anymore of my wardrobe due to cost of being alive increasing and my fundraiser stalling so, I’ll show y’all what I’m into. This is the boot edition.

And yes there will be ALL the affiliate links because, Babby needs side hustle cash. So let’s get started.

Being that I can’t really wear heels anymore and my absolute love of ankle boots let’s look at some.

First up, let’s talk about this here bootie.

91DQpkM39VL._UY695_

[image description: black platform ankle boot with black laces]

This is the Demonia Women’s Scene-50 Ankle Boot. I LOVE this boot so much. Even though we can’t totally afford it, partner agreed that for our anniversary next month I want these. The thing about Demonia is that when you get a good Demonia shoe it will last for years. They aren’t as hellish to break in as Docs but they are also a tad overpriced. I’ll sacrifice for these beauties.

Next up, in my evolution to being a High Femme Alien Anime Villain Queen Prince. I need a boot like this. Demonia Women’s Emily-375 Over the Knee Boot. I can’t find a big photo so just click on the platform OTK gloriousness. I legit love accentuating the chunk of my thighs with over the knee and thigh high anything. THese are glorious. Imagine them with a pleather legging for that whole leather leg look…UNF YASSS.

Once upon a time I had many many pairs of boots and when I moved I had to sell or get rid of 90% of them. I’m hoping that after we move I can resume collecting because I really do love boots.

Speaking of OTK boots. These are so cute the shiny toe detail is just adorable LFL by Lust for Life Women’s L-Craft Winter Boot. 

I spotted these weird little ankle boots the other day and I am just utterly charmed by them. Cunzhai Women’s Unique Handmade Leather Casual Travel Soft Bottom Boot. I can picture styling them with some tights, cute tall socks and a skater skirt or other short dress. And the shape of the sole is also interesting and a detail I love.

One of the reasons I love boots so much, especially big chunky stompy boots is that it is so easy to gender play in them. I love playing on that 90s influenced bad bitch femme type girl. For me, before I learned about and started identifying with being non binary/genderqueer, it was how I played around with gender presentation.

I think for a lot of us who have had a weird gender journey, playing with things like combat boots and frilly dresses together. For folks all along the gender spectrum, these are really great ways to maybe incorporate gender identity in ways that feel pretty safe.

I remember in the late 90s (remember y’all yer fave Auntie is old af) I bought these poop brown vintage mens slacks. They looked very much like this pair of pants. I paired them with an ivory colored tucked in. I wore it with the first brown nude bra I ever owned, it was satin. No camisole. Open damn near to the navel.

I wore the outfit with some super clunky bump toe platform Oxfords, a slick, high faux ponytail, a vicious cat eye and a lot of glitter.

I felt like the most beautiful boy in the world.

That was around the time I started thinking about gender less in terms of was I boy or girl and more in terms of just being Femme. That is the great thing about style and fashion.

There is so much space inside of the concept of style to explore your gender feelings. Once you step outside of the marketed bullshit and body shaming and just do you, shit is freeing as hell.

Now how about a few links to non boots?

Iron Fist is KILLING me right now. This dress is screaming my name. I’d pair it with a big pixie hem cardigan I have and some big stompy boots. This skirt is just gorgeous.

My personal holy grail brand is Killstar. Their knits SLAY me. Like look at this sweater I love it. I am so into the sweater and leggings and boots for winter. I mean, look at this shit right here.

So there’s yer fashions for the day.

I encourage y’all who haven’t thought about gender expression to think about it some. Maybe do some exploring of your own. Remember folks, it’s not what is in your pants but in your brains.

 

The Smallest Indulgences

Hello loves.

Today is fucking terrible so I’m gonna hit you with some cheap indulgences/mini reviews. Yes affiliate links are gonna be used. Don’t hate, appreciate.

FIRST THING. I love a good wet shine gloss with or without shimmer. Some glossy stuff I’ve tried lately.

Burt’s Bees Lip Shine, in Pucker.

Okay I grabbed one on a whim out of a clearance bucket because my lips were dry and if I’m gonna be real, my go to self-care, small treat thing is lip products. I’ve been wearing it all day today and the color is very sheer, the texture is thick and jelly like without being sticky. It has a pleasant but not strong sweet taste. Very shiny. Do like. I wouldn’t pay 7$ for it but if you spot one on clearance snag it.

The next thing I tried recently is the Milani Lip Oil shit.

Okay so…I LOVE how it smells. LOVE the shine but I don’t feel like it is much of a treatment. Lip oils had some moments from the early 90s and every now and I always LOVE the idea. Shine, treatment, COLOR but. Y’all. I also tried this one from Sephora and no. The thing about using an oil is that it is meant to absorb right? So while the concept is awesome and the immediate feel is really nice, this is not a great type of product for longevity. That said, if you don’t mind frequent reapplying, it is a shiny nice lil thing.

Next up, I have been getting back into my Nyx Butter Glosses. They are so great. They are inexpensive and come in some great colors. If you are someone who wants to try out some bolder lip colors but aren’t ready for something super opaque these are a great stepping stone. The colors tend towards buildable, they are shiny. They are usually 5-7$ and I LOVE them.

Another thing I love (because I’m wearing more matte lippies) are primers for lips. I like the one from Ulta. The clear Babylips also does the trick. A nice little soft layer. Some matte lippies won’t totally dry down over a primer but I’m willing to trade some wear time for more comfort.

What else?

Well, this post isn’t really about lipstick. It’s more about ways I utilize treat yosefl self care when everything fucking sucks. And right now, everything fucking sucks.

I’ve also been really getting all the way into my skin care stuff. How about a couple of quickie reviews for that?

Garnier SkinActive The Gentle Sulfate-Free Face Wash. I picked this because my face was irritated and I wanted something gentle and non annoying. Pros- no scent, it is a good size bottle and you only need a full pump or so especially if you’ve already removed your make up. My face in particular doesn’t like this. For some reason this product tends to over cleanse my skin. I think it is because I double cleanse and it’s just too much. I tend to reserve this one for days when I don’t need to double cleanse or I wore a fuckton of make up.

[MIZON] Tube Collagen Power Firming Eye Cream is another thing I’ve been experimenting with. This is not a miracle cream but it is very nice. I’ve been using it for about a month or so. If you want something that is more heavy duty and has some power, this ain’t it. I do suggest this for folks who are under 30 or just getting into skin care. I’ll finish the tube and try a new one.

Let’s talk some stuff I want to try. I’m very experimental with some stuff and I’ve got a lil bit of a wish/needs to try.

FORMULA 10.0.6 P.M. Perfector– I am a fan of this brand when I remember it exists. I have a few of their masks and really like them. I LOVE this one FORMULA 10.0.6 Deep Down Detox Ultra Cleansing Mud Mask. It is hardcore and the bergamont fumes burn my eyes a bit but I find it really nice.

I have some facial oils I want to try too. Y’ll I cannot be without a facial oil anymore. I just won’t. I LOVE how juicy and plump they make my skin. ALSO protip, if you suffer skin flakiness near/in your hairline, using some of your face oil into your hairline helps a lot.I want to try the Mario Badrescu Rose Hip oil but I will probably buy it elsewhere because that is expensive af. When I buy more retinol from The Ordinary I’m probably gonna snag the rose hip oil as well.

ANDALOU NATURALS Pumpkin Honey Glycolic Mask- I REALLY want to try this one. The stuff in it looks good to me and that price is niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Y’all I am still so into the Peter Thomas Roth pumpkin mask but it is so expensive. It really would take up my self care budget for an entire quarter.

I’m super in love with the rebranding from Freeman and I want to try the FEELING BEAUTIFUL Manuka Honey & Tea Tree Oil Foaming Clay.  I really love the 4 in 1 ACV one. I love almost anything clay based.

How about some tips before I close it out for today?

Like hair typing, skin typing is only so good. Learn what your personal skin says. Mine tends to say, YO I AM OILY AS HELL BRUH! It also says, YO LOOK AT THIS FLAKY PATCH NATURE GOT ON U LOLOL FUQ U…And then sometimes it also says- LOOK HOW FUCKING FULL OF MELANIN AND GLORY I AM!

Listen to your skin. Sometimes it will let you know via rashes, breakouts or other weirdness that it has a need.

Just because something is expensive, doesn’t mean it is great. I learned this the hard way in my 20s and y’all nah.

Sometimes, starting simply works. Wash, moisturize, wear SPF. Like that’s really all. And two of those things can be combined.

If you are broke here are my instantly do something great for your skin tips:

  • WATER or other liquid, drink it.
  • If you wear make up brushes, wash them. You don’t need fancy brush cleaner. Hell you can use dishsoap, shampoo, facewash, brush wash, baby soap, body wash (best if it doesn’t have a lot of moisturizing stuff) whatever is sudsy.
  • If you are breaking out, do the above and also go easy on your face. Over aggressive cleansing can make you break out.
  • Be NICE TO YOUR FACE.

That’s all for now.

Go forth, feel cute cause you are.