The Smallest Indulgences

Hello loves.

Today is fucking terrible so I’m gonna hit you with some cheap indulgences/mini reviews. Yes affiliate links are gonna be used. Don’t hate, appreciate.

FIRST THING. I love a good wet shine gloss with or without shimmer. Some glossy stuff I’ve tried lately.

Burt’s Bees Lip Shine, in Pucker.

Okay I grabbed one on a whim out of a clearance bucket because my lips were dry and if I’m gonna be real, my go to self-care, small treat thing is lip products. I’ve been wearing it all day today and the color is very sheer, the texture is thick and jelly like without being sticky. It has a pleasant but not strong sweet taste. Very shiny. Do like. I wouldn’t pay 7$ for it but if you spot one on clearance snag it.

The next thing I tried recently is the Milani Lip Oil shit.

Okay so…I LOVE how it smells. LOVE the shine but I don’t feel like it is much of a treatment. Lip oils had some moments from the early 90s and every now and I always LOVE the idea. Shine, treatment, COLOR but. Y’all. I also tried this one from Sephora and no. The thing about using an oil is that it is meant to absorb right? So while the concept is awesome and the immediate feel is really nice, this is not a great type of product for longevity. That said, if you don’t mind frequent reapplying, it is a shiny nice lil thing.

Next up, I have been getting back into my Nyx Butter Glosses. They are so great. They are inexpensive and come in some great colors. If you are someone who wants to try out some bolder lip colors but aren’t ready for something super opaque these are a great stepping stone. The colors tend towards buildable, they are shiny. They are usually 5-7$ and I LOVE them.

Another thing I love (because I’m wearing more matte lippies) are primers for lips. I like the one from Ulta. The clear Babylips also does the trick. A nice little soft layer. Some matte lippies won’t totally dry down over a primer but I’m willing to trade some wear time for more comfort.

What else?

Well, this post isn’t really about lipstick. It’s more about ways I utilize treat yosefl self care when everything fucking sucks. And right now, everything fucking sucks.

I’ve also been really getting all the way into my skin care stuff. How about a couple of quickie reviews for that?

Garnier SkinActive The Gentle Sulfate-Free Face Wash. I picked this because my face was irritated and I wanted something gentle and non annoying. Pros- no scent, it is a good size bottle and you only need a full pump or so especially if you’ve already removed your make up. My face in particular doesn’t like this. For some reason this product tends to over cleanse my skin. I think it is because I double cleanse and it’s just too much. I tend to reserve this one for days when I don’t need to double cleanse or I wore a fuckton of make up.

[MIZON] Tube Collagen Power Firming Eye Cream is another thing I’ve been experimenting with. This is not a miracle cream but it is very nice. I’ve been using it for about a month or so. If you want something that is more heavy duty and has some power, this ain’t it. I do suggest this for folks who are under 30 or just getting into skin care. I’ll finish the tube and try a new one.

Let’s talk some stuff I want to try. I’m very experimental with some stuff and I’ve got a lil bit of a wish/needs to try.

FORMULA 10.0.6 P.M. Perfector– I am a fan of this brand when I remember it exists. I have a few of their masks and really like them. I LOVE this one FORMULA 10.0.6 Deep Down Detox Ultra Cleansing Mud Mask. It is hardcore and the bergamont fumes burn my eyes a bit but I find it really nice.

I have some facial oils I want to try too. Y’ll I cannot be without a facial oil anymore. I just won’t. I LOVE how juicy and plump they make my skin. ALSO protip, if you suffer skin flakiness near/in your hairline, using some of your face oil into your hairline helps a lot.I want to try the Mario Badrescu Rose Hip oil but I will probably buy it elsewhere because that is expensive af. When I buy more retinol from The Ordinary I’m probably gonna snag the rose hip oil as well.

ANDALOU NATURALS Pumpkin Honey Glycolic Mask- I REALLY want to try this one. The stuff in it looks good to me and that price is niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Y’all I am still so into the Peter Thomas Roth pumpkin mask but it is so expensive. It really would take up my self care budget for an entire quarter.

I’m super in love with the rebranding from Freeman and I want to try the FEELING BEAUTIFUL Manuka Honey & Tea Tree Oil Foaming Clay.  I really love the 4 in 1 ACV one. I love almost anything clay based.

How about some tips before I close it out for today?

Like hair typing, skin typing is only so good. Learn what your personal skin says. Mine tends to say, YO I AM OILY AS HELL BRUH! It also says, YO LOOK AT THIS FLAKY PATCH NATURE GOT ON U LOLOL FUQ U…And then sometimes it also says- LOOK HOW FUCKING FULL OF MELANIN AND GLORY I AM!

Listen to your skin. Sometimes it will let you know via rashes, breakouts or other weirdness that it has a need.

Just because something is expensive, doesn’t mean it is great. I learned this the hard way in my 20s and y’all nah.

Sometimes, starting simply works. Wash, moisturize, wear SPF. Like that’s really all. And two of those things can be combined.

If you are broke here are my instantly do something great for your skin tips:

  • WATER or other liquid, drink it.
  • If you wear make up brushes, wash them. You don’t need fancy brush cleaner. Hell you can use dishsoap, shampoo, facewash, brush wash, baby soap, body wash (best if it doesn’t have a lot of moisturizing stuff) whatever is sudsy.
  • If you are breaking out, do the above and also go easy on your face. Over aggressive cleansing can make you break out.
  • Be NICE TO YOUR FACE.

That’s all for now.

Go forth, feel cute cause you are.

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Posted in adventures in aging, beauty, beauty reviews, shopping, skin care, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Ten Steps- My current skin care routine.

Okay darlings. Today we’re gonna talk about how extra my skin care routine has become and I’ll review some stuff for you. Affiliate links will be used cause Auntie needs coins.

Ready?

Okay step 1 and 2 At night.

Lately I’ve been using the Garnier Clean+ Makeup Removing Lotion Cleanser Sensitive Skin. I had been using the Rice Bright Oil which is wonderful but I wanted something a bit easier to get and a tadbit cheaper. I use the cream on my dry face to remove my foundation and eye make up. This cream does a pretty nice job. I will say that on days where I’m wearing a fuckton of mascara or liner it doesn’t totally do the job. Then I swoop in with the Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water All-in-1 Cleanser & Makeup Remover. Alone I don’t feel like the micellar water can handle the amount of make up I wear but a quick swipe with it after the cream cleanser and make up is gone.

Step 3.

I’ve stumbled upon a bit of genius when it comes to my fickle face. I have a little collection of cleansers I rotate depending on how my skin is feeling. Unfortunately, African Black soap started drying me out so I busted into my stash. Pro tip, if you want to try expensive skin care, get travel sizes. First cleanser I’m into is the First Aid Beauty Skin Rescue Deep Cleanser with Red Clay. I love that it is a nice thick gel texture and it leaves my skin very soft and clean without stripping it. Next one I’m into but not fully sold on is the boscia Detoxifying Black Cleanser. It hasn’t done miracle wonders BUT I do really love the warming sensation when I use it with my Spin for perfect skin brush.  Once a week or so I’ll do a cleanser/mask combo. I’m trying out the Freeman Facial Apple Cider Vinegar Clay Mask + Scrub. Not a miracle but I really do like how my skin feels after using it. The scrubby aspect isn’t super scrubby so it’s very nice. I also have a few random sachets of cleansers I will use when the mood strike. I tend to listen to what my face is saying. This week it says, HEY I WILL JUST BE UP HERE BEING A PEELY ASSHOLE. ENJOY THAT.

Step 4.

I use a 80/20 mix of Braggs ACV and purified water as a toner. Um. Y’all. Let me be real I HATE this step. I hate the smell of ACV and I hate how much my body loves it. Now I was skeptical about the claims I’d seen about this mix helping with balancing out skin, sebum production and apparently it’ll heal your soul. Um. Bruh. This shit…y’all…listen. I experimented and used it nightly for a month. The biggest thing I noticed was that my face felt more balanced. It was softer and had a brighter look. I went off it and yep there was a difference. I am so mad.

Step 5.

Sheet mask/other mask. I’ve been masking several times a week. From Amazon I picked up a variety pack of sheet masks. Dermal Korea Collagen Essence Full Face Facial Mask Sheet, 16 Combo Pack. And I picked up a pack of ten honey based ones as well. Those are so great for major hydration. If I’m breaking out I’ll use a skin clearing mask. Some in rotation are: FORMULA 10.0.6 Deep Down Detox Ultra Cleansing Mud Mask. That one is excellent for the price point, it does have a strong smell and will sting your eyes. There is my ride or die Origins out of Trouble mask.  It is pricey but, y’all this shit will dry up a pimple on my face very fast and it’s not a mask I need to use weekly.

Step 6.

Next up I use a vitamin C serum. I’ve experimented and my favorite is the Clarity Vitamin C serum. I had stopped using it for a while and noticed that my dark spots were a bit more prominent and I was having a lot of them left over from any little pimple or whatever.

Step 7.

OKAY here is the first thing from the ordinary. First thing is the 1% retinol. Now I went through the peeling from that and I love this product. It had made tactile difference in my skin. My face is absolutely smoother, my pores look a bit smaller and the areas where I have trouble with texture have improved. Also the product is so friggin silky feeling.

Step 8.

For general anti aging I also picked up the Buffet from The ordinary. It feels very nice on the skin. I usually wait for about ten minutes after my retinol to apply it.

Step 9

Also from the Ordinary I picked up the 100% Organic Cold-Pressed Moroccan Argan Oil. It is meh. It smells like olives to me and feels nice. I also smooth it over my hair. It’s not as good to me as the Tarte Maracuja oil. My hair and face are both pretty meh.

Step 10.

My night cream. I’m still looking for my holy grail. I’m almost done with a jar of the Boots No7 Protect & Perfect Intense Night Cream. It’s okay? It is very moisturizing which I want. It doesn’t do anything spectacular.

SO what is the point of all this?

Not perfect skin. My skin will never be perfect. My goals first and foremost is to have a more comfortable face. I have very oily, acne prone, highly reactive skin. Basically my face is hella greasy, I get pimples and I will peel or break out in a rash for no good damn reason.

I could get the same results in half the steps but, my ten steps are my nighttime self-care ritual. I take my time doing them. While I’m cleansing my face, I say a little cleansing meditation in my head. While I’m lubing up my face, I tell myself some affirmations and thoughts for good dreams.

This is a way I spend time with myself. Hands on my own skin making myself feel good. Yes it is wonderful to have my face feel smoother and more supple. Yes I LOVE road testing skin care but, I love knowing that I am caring for myself and treating myself with the best gentle love.

The last thing I do before I settle down to try and sleep is moisturize my butt. Right now I’m SUPER into the Tree Hut Moroccan Rose Body butter.

And there y’all have it.

 

Posted in beauty, beauty reviews, health, skin care | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Accidental Hiatus and New Hair who dis?

Oopsy.

Oh hey. It’s been forever and I don’t know why aside from, I kinda felt like I had nothing of substance to say.

I mean June was hard for me personally. The police murdered a Black woman in the area I used to live in and murdered a young Asian man in the neighborhood I currently live in. It really impacted me very deeply and I’ve not really felt right since then.

What have I been doing?

Working. Working. Working.

I’ve been hard at work with my Patreon Novella/Universe in progress. I’m almost done with Cycle 1 and will likely be releasing it as the first novella in a series of? If you’d like a preview, some free stuff to read head on over here to my Daiyuverse Patron page.

I’m also working on a passion project I can’t talk about yet.

What else?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my economic situation, my creative life etc. I’m at a bit of a loss right now about that shit. I don’t have the energy to grind for pennies. I don’t want to work at monetizing say this lil blog so much I don’t have the energy left over for my creative work.

So yeah.

What else?

Your fave Auntie is now a blond for the first time and I am kind of low key in love.

Check my Insta here. Follow me too it’ll be fun.

I’ll be back to more regular postings here soon. I’m feeling less whatever the fuck June was.

Coming up, I have a review of The Ordinary skin care, Freeman skincare, I’ll probably also talk some about shopping and hair as well.

So that’s what’s goin on.

I missed y’all.

 

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Fat Bitch Feelings.

Recently after realizing that most of the clothing for Summer that I’d thrifted last fall (yes that is how I shop) is too big, I had to have a big long talk with myself.

I had to tell myself that it is officially official I am not fat anymore.

I’m not fat anymore.

Fuck.

Let me rewind a little bit.

Fat Acceptance and the community has been a big part of my life in meatspace and on the internet for probably at least a decade. I have been deeply into body politics for at least 20 years. From my earliest forays into reading about/writing about bodily autonomy to early feminist readings on bodies. I am about the body. My body, your body, our bodies.

My most formative political fat activist writing started when I was invited to the original Fatshionista community on Livejournal a very long time ago. When the door of fat joy, fat solidarity, fat politics opened, y’all I ran all up in through that mother fucker.

Fat politics really was the thing that got me into working out how intersectionality factors into my work, my life, how I view things.

So my beliefs about bodies, how I live in my body, how I talk about bodies is rooted deeply in fatness. Fatness as a physical state, as a political marker, as a place of comfort and community for me and now, I’m not fat.

My body, this thing I live in and move around the world in has changed without my consent and has set itself outside of my framework.

I am feeling fucked up about it.

I talked about this a bit before mainly in the context of my body image being fucked up.

This latest thing was broader. While yeah, I’d prefer my body to look differently right now it won’t. I can live with it.

What has been bothering me is the idea that I will lose my place in my community because I literally don’t fit anymore.

Fuck.

After I tried to wear something or other, the fact of the matter really sank in and I can honestly say I’ve been feeling adrift and conflicted.

Aside from mourning being separated (by size) from my community I looked at the blogs I like, the fashion stuff I read etc etc are all fat centric. Not body positive, they aren’t the milquetoast white “curvy” bullshit ass version of body politics we get.

They are fucking fat.

I have been struggling with how to use my new found position of privilege. How do I shift the way I write/talk about bodies to reflect that while my thoughts/opinions remain radically Pro Fat my body has decided nah. The process of working this out for myself has been difficult, especially in light of the fact that I absolutely did not want to lose more weight.

I did not.

I’m resentful of it and struggling mightily to deal with it and not feel like shit. That is a whole other entry.

This is the bottom line for me.

I am not going to even try to fuck with “body politics” because currently, the way these are discussed and represented they are Whiter and more cis woman centric than ever and nah son.

I won’t turn what has been the radical backbone of how I learned to deal with my body into one size fits some pap.

I will still self identify as fat with the caveat that, my ass is currently not fat.

Fatness is not just physical.

Fatness is contextual.

Fatness is political and my politics are really fucking fat.

I won’t try to swim and work in the waters of White heteronormative Insta filter LOVE YOSELFness.

Nah son.

My goals here are less for y’all than they are for myself.

I shall:

  • Carry on reading and loving fatcentric content.
  • Write more about fatness.
  • I’m gonna talk about how discussions of bodies and fatness STILL often leave behind Death Fats.
  • I’m gonna talk about how important it is in my opinion to further divorce body size from binarist moralistic views of health and personhood.
  • I’m gonna love the fuck out of my fat community.

And for y’all, look.

Because I have a degree of thin privilege now and previously was a smaller fatty that does not mean that the cultural stuff I say is wrong because I’m not fatter. It also doesn’t mean that your experiences as a fat person, or a Death Fat person or a not fat person are invalidated.

Our experiences are ALL valid and we will not do Oppression Olympics. You gotta hit the ground rollin here homies.

When I refer to other folks experiences, I will defer to them about shit I have not experienced. Because when you are in the position of privilege, that’s what the fuck you do.

Other stuff to look forward to. Guest posts. I’ve made puppy eyes at some friends and it’s gonna be cool.

I’m ALSO going to start writing more about gender and bodies, gender fashion and bodies.

MORE intersections!

More fat.

So yeah.

I feel like this is important to me and I need to hold on to it.

Later this week a struggle bus naturals post AND I’ll have some new protips for online thrifting.

Posted in body politics, fat acceptance, fatness | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Reasons why I am anxious.

Right now I have anxietied myself to near tears and lately apparently that’s what my brain is gonna do.

So yes, hello your fave Auntie has some major anxiety problems and many of them have been life long. I’m working on being more open about this because the things that can cause a panic attack or this kind of mid-level hard to breath I want to cry anxiety embarass me. The more shitty part of my brain says, what the whole fuck is wrong with you?

For instance, y’all know (or if you don’t now you do) that I am a writer. I had a piece published last week and it has legs and people have said really great things to me about it. Granted there has been some pushback, some pepe wielding dickholes have been trolling but that doesn’t bug me so much. What did make me have an actual panic attack was that some folks said SUPER nice things and yeah.

Sometimes   frequently, when great or good things happen to me I panic. Compliment? Panic. Someone I admire says something low key praise like, lost shit. Offered an opportunity? FREAK OUT.

This flavor of anxiety almost always elicits a fear response. Bug eyes, sweating, fight or flight. Terror. I start sweating, I might shake. I don’t cry normally but I am scared as fuck.

Why?

I don’t fucking know.

My brain is full of fuck.

Other reasons I’m anxious today:

  • I woke up
  • My bus was late
  • I was late for work
  • I can’t find a dance class I can afford
  • I really need new underwear
  • I have to finish a new piece.
  • I didn’t make ALL the blog posts I wanted to.
  • I’m kind of overdressed for the weather.
  • I wrote some new poems.
  • I am not sure what si

Um along with other things this is what’s on the hamster wheel of my brain.

The worst thing about the way I experience anxiety is that it exacerbates my fatigue problems. Am I exhausted because I slept like shit or because I’ve been so anxious all day I’ve felt like I might shit my pants.

I can hear my brain grinding away and I have shit to do. I have art to make. I am tired of my own crazy* hamster wheel brain that won’t just let me live.

A lot of me wants to battle this. A lot of me wants to deny it, stonewall it and power through because that is how I learned to deal with my mental illness from a young age. I wasn’t depressed, I was whiny. I wasn’t having problems, I was just not pulling my bootstraps hard enough.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

I also don’t want to just be a shitty pants, sobbing mess.

It is a fine line.

Some of how my life works requires that I don’t express outwardly how I’m feeling inside. I can’t sit on the floor at work ugly crying. I can’t throw myself on the ground in public.

This coupled with being struck with a 6 day cluster headache attack that I worked through 5 days of has made me not great.

I’m recovering but y’all, shit has been fuckin rough.

And I’m not trying to push myself to work beyond my limits so blogging is not gonna be as regular as I hoped it to be.

I’m working on it.

Also my friend Katie has a podcast and if you want to hear some folks talk about how this shit feels, listen. It is great.

Posted in mental health, Personal | Leave a comment

Hood Witchery Doings.

Welcome back to me bein extra.

SO let’s talk hood witchery because I’ve been doin some thangs.

First great thing. So I have a little bag that I’ve been calling my portable altar because Gris gris was incorrect, and I’m not indigenous so nope to calling it anything close to a medicine bag.  I was doing some mystical noodling on google and found the right thing.

I am making myself a MOJO BAG.

Being that the nature of my witchery is entirely syncretic and dependent on how I feel, what I dream etc. What’s interesting is that while I’ve been gathering bits and bobs for it, I have had the Muddy Waters version of Got My Mojo Working *not even my fave version* playing in my head on a loop.

I had misplaced my bag for a minute. I changed bags and left it in my other bags for a while. And I could not stop with the damn song.

Given that I have some memory issues, this is fucking magical that I’ve been thinking the right thing all along I just couldn’t bring it to the fore of my mind.

My bag is still a work in progress and I haven’t had the chance to charge it up yet. I’m going to look for some other odds and ends to fill it out with.

I’m STILL feeling some type of way about trying to vet shops to buy certain items from. I will not buy if your magical items are all Quasi-Eastern, exotifying terribleness. I really hate that so many supposed magiacal witch types will treat anything that isn’t The Morrigan as exotic table trimmings and not respect the deep heritage there.

My fucking heritage.

And I am not connected to African Diaspora religion/witchery by blood that I know of so I’m kind of floundering over here.

There are certain items I just do not feel right getting from people who are not practicing, who are not doing these things or making the sacred items I want in a way that seems respectful.

That said, I’m so glad I found my bag and connected it to the tradition that made me want to have it in the first place.

I’m working on doing some further research, looking for that yes that is what I need feeling.

For those who are atheists or feel some type of way about pagany/witchyness, leave folks alone about it. I don’t care if you don’t like it, it makes me happy.

The next thing I’m also looking at are ways to expand my communication with certain spiritual things. Baron Samedi namely. I have a lot of dreams featuring the Baron. I want to explore creating some type of sacred space in my house and not have it conflict about my negative feelings towards the space.

I tend to not remember/do formalized rituals. I do what feels good in the moment.

Also I’ll document some of my ritual stuff.

What else is coming?

In a month there’ll be some new skincare reviews. I’ll be talking more about fatness and bodies. I’ll be talking about how my relationship with my body is changing again.

That’s all for now.

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Shit I like- Witchy Shit Edition

Also there will be some shit I don’t like.

How about some witchy make up shit?

I love this black lipstick roundup at Dear Darkling. And don’t think I didn’t notice they chose a person of color in one shot. I saw that.

Let me show you some great things. I’ve known the owner of this spot for awhile on the internets. Check out the cute witchy stuff at Last Craft!   Super cute stuff, candles, stickers, pins etc.

Okay y’all, my dear friend Sumayyah is a jewelry designer and quality people. I have at last count probably four pieces and look a clearance.

If you’re in the mood for some intuitive services, a goddess reading etc contact my friend Aaminah. They are very sensitive quality people. Get some. 

Do you need some digital coloring pages? I’m pretty in love with this. I was shown this artist via facebook and just love the Tarot card coloring page.

One of my fave indie body/scent makers has a soap that y’all, this shit is fucking amazing. Black Magic Cream soap from One Hand Washes the other. So good. So so good. Also her perfumery is amazing. Unique affordable natural scents. Check it out.

Is your skin annoyed right now? Mountain Madness Soap has an Oats and Honey bath bomb that looks delicious. I have had some of their other products and really dig them!

How about some goodies from yours truly?

First up, I have a big ole downloadable freebie available right now. Like urban fantasy fiction? Come check it out and download the snack pack right here.

Like that? Inside the snack pack, look for a coupon good for some $$ off in my etsy shop where you can find some MORE lit!

Also I have an announcement I already made elsewhere. I have a new book coming out, poetry from Lark Books. Check it out here. It will be available at the Summer Solstice and I’ll post here when I have any events or related info.

OH yeah if you’re new, I’m not just your Fine Ass Old Auntie I am also a writer. You can check out more of my work here.

Now for some shit I don’t like.

I’ve been reading some really beautiful dark magazines on the internets. They are gothy and the aesthetics are gorgeous and the art is lovely BUT- BUT

The complete lack of anything not written by, presented as, presented for thin White cis able bodied women is exhausting.

The worst part for me is that some of the writers I know are aware that folks outside of that particular norm exist but, these “revolutionary” or otherwise supposedly wild ass publications/parts of the Goth/Witch/Dark subculture don’t really subvert the norm of thin White cis able bodied women.

And frankly, I’m in a state right now where I’m probably going to disengage from these things for a while. Having so little representation and seeing the same type of images, the same articles, the same traditions being centered in something that is supposed to be outside of the norm is just exhausting.

The real truth is, reconstructing the problems in the bigger world in a smaller world sucks. And like I said in this entry, at this point I just don’t have the energy to try and engage with it with every magazine. Have to wade through White fragility and stone walling just so I can have something nice to look at or read about.

So that’s all for now.

Next week, I’m going to post a review of Sock Dreams and give some tips on shopping there AND there will be hair.

 

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