#bodygoals #beautygoals and thangs.

I’ve been daydreaming pretty heavily lately about my end game in terms of body modification. Oh wait, you didn’t think this would be about waist trainers or some shit did you?

Nope.

If I was going to do any waist training it would be tight lace corsetry. But that’s a whole other entry.

SO.

Due to financial shit, my partner and I were unable to get our septums pierced for his birthday and I’m pretty bummed about that. I really want to finish up facial piercings in the next year or so. I want my septum and each nostril. For summary, of course.

I really like the idea of having an upside down triangle of shiny things in my face.

Beauty as I age involves a lot of thought about body modifcation. My ultimate dream is to be a heavily tattooed little old person someday. I’m talking pretty much a full bodysuit of tattoos, maybe a few implants and scarification. I’m talking serious.

I dream about being a Nazgul Alien Evil Queen.

Since I was a little baby potato, my dreams in terms of my own looks have always involved body modifications of one sort or another. My tattoo dreams (I have about 10 medium to smallish ones planned right now) are just, right now they feel out of reach because it is expensive. I’m hoping that I can get either a poetry/personal survival related piece on my right forearm or two small ones behind each ear soonish.

I’m working up to getting at least the spiritually meaningful ink first. Then the fun stuff.

One of the other things I’ve really thought a lot about is using accessories to help me feel beautiful in my gender/expression.

So since I’m currently putting bits of money aside for new fancy goth stuff let’s talk about stuff I want.

I want prescription sclera lenses. I actually really want to get my eyes tattooed and blacked out, but, that body mod isn’t totally a safe one and given how bad my vision is I feel like it would just fuck up my vision more. I’m also really into these.

The other thing I dream about is having custom grills. My favorite are this style. I want them fanged, top and bottom in the white gold.

The older and more comfortable I get in my body, the more I want to explore how I present myself to the world. I want to try out ways to make myself look alien or monstrous. The traditional or trendy ideas of beauty have really stopped being at all influential or important to me.

I don’t really do a lot with my eyebrows. Occasionally I shave or wax them into thin eyebrows but I’m terrible at drawing them on and filling them. I wish I was better at it so I could shave them off and have different ones daily. I really LOVE super artistic brows and it’s a skill I hope to attain.

While I’m on the countdown to 40 (I turn 40 next March) I’m so happy that my expression of my own beauty is becoming this weird thing where I screw around with make up and I’m not afraid not to do pretty, professional looking make up on myself. I spent a lot of time a few years ago feeling very unimpressed with my make up skills in spite of the hours of practice I put in.

These days, I’ll throw crap on my face until I feel cute and sometimes it works sometimes not. And I’m fine with it. I’m proud of it.

My engagement with beauty is strictly on my terms. This is possibly the greatest gift in terms of beauty I’ve ever given myself. Even more than taking time to learn to take care of my skin or hair.

In terms of my gender expression, I’ve settled on just being a non-binary femme alien nazgul monster queen. Like, that really does it for me. The gender thing we’ll talk more about.

There is something so joyful for me in  not beating myself up on any level about the zero fucks I give about what is age appropriate, normal, pretty or whatever.

So how about some peeks at what I’m into lately?

I’m really into the soft grunge look. That said, being that I’m not pale I have had a bit of a time figuring out how to make it work. Also the techniques. I got the technique down today, but I used an eyeshadow that’s too made on my skin. Also, for me, I want my skin close to flawless and beat. Almost every tutorial is done by/for White/pale people so I’ve had to improvise.

I’m getting back into dramatic ass super extra big ole winged liner. Big Wings. I’ve been experimenting with different liner formulas. I like my cat eye liner big and black. Or big and black on top color on bottom. My Old Goth standby.

What am I ready to get back into?

Experimenting with ways to look like a creepy, mostly dead doll type figure. Not sure how to get what I see in my head, I’m working on it.

Also big shiny lips. We’ll do a lip look post later on.

I’m finding myself ready to play with my looks again and it’s fantastic.

Lately I’ve been kinda plainish for my taste mainly because I’ve not had the energy so I’m working on it.

Wanna see my face?

Come follow me on Instagram. Most of my insta is selfies and I’m going to resume actually trying to get good make up shots.

The best part about this is that I’m living proof you are never too old or too anything to reframe how you think of beauty, both your own and other folks. You just have to try.

Next time we’re gonna talk about fashion and my concept of low key cosplay in every day life. Ways to invoke your faves without dropping legit cosplay money.

 

Fall Aesthetics- Gender Fluid Goth Feelings

It is officially Fall in my brain. The weather is cooling down and is grey and drizzly.

That means, Fall Aesthetics are happening.

Per usual since I am protective styling my hair, I changed it. I’m rocking some evil mermaid locks right now and I’m super into it. I’ll have a whole post about it soon.

newhair

[image description: photo of the author. Brown skinned person with black and burgundy long wavy hair]

So that’s the hair aesthetic right now. A little Evil Femme Mermaid.

NOW the clothes.

Fall and cooler weather means I have to wear more pants and weather resistant stuff. Can we talk about what I’m craving?

My ultimate Fall looks are lots of vampy make up (messy smokey eye, big dark lips) very Goth Femme and I like cardigans and if I’m wearing pants I prefer skinny cut jeans (but not denim if I can help it), straight cut twill pants and of course leggings.

How about some links? Some are affiliate some not:

For some masc/butch footwear can we talk about black on black Timberlands? They are pricy but I believe they are worth it. When I was in my early 20s I had some classic ones that lasted for probably six years with a lot of heavy wear. Pro tip if you have smaller feet like me, try looking at Kids Footlocker for big kid sizes. You save some cash and have a few extra finish types to choose from. The other great thing about this style of boot is that if you get the adult sizes usually the mens sizes, they are steel cap which is great.

Also, if you can’t afford Timbs, check places like Payless or Kmart for similar styles. Usually you can find them in the work boot area.

Next tip about pants.

For reference about my body. In pants I am usually a 13-15 in Jrs. In grown lady pants depending on the cut and brand I’m anywhere from a 10-14. I have big ass hams and not a lot of booty. I also loathe pants. I wear them because I don’t like my ass or cooch being cold but I hate pants. Mainly because a lot of pants tend to not fit my hips/low waist at the same time. Or my high natural waist and my hips at the same time.

My advice about pants, especially for gender fluid folks.

Find a style of ass covering that makes you feel good about your booty. Doesn’t matter if they are dude pants, lady pants, leggings, jeggings, whatever.

Now for me, let me show y’all some of what is on my wishlist.

First up I am actually wearing these right now:

These are (that is an amazon affiliate link) Jr sizing low rise straight leg twill pants.

Pros: these fit my big hams small booty self very well. The rise is a bit low but not unbearable. They are inexpensive and last pretty well. Comfy (the material softens up very nicely) and I like them. They are very easily modded. They are very plain so you can add patches or trim or whatever floats your boat.

Cons: They do stretch kind of weird. You will eventually need a belt especially if you sit a lot.They are not the quality that the dude Dickie’s usually are. The material is thinner and they will not look as good for long.

They also do come in plus sizes.

Tips for buying: I have not found them in stores so if you’re unsure, order two sizes and return what doesn’t fit. Also if you have more booty in the pants regardless of size this cut probably won’t do you any good.

I’ve got half a mind to give this style a shot as well. I like that slightly wide leg fit. That sort of cut always makes me feel a little more boy. 

 

When I’m feeling a bit less masc but I don’t feel like wearing a dress I’m super into printed leggings this year.

Behold my new favorite leggings.

hammy

[image description: a photo of crossed legs. The leggings have small light colored print]

Those are my Bloodmilk Knock off Hamlet leggings.

Okay, yes I know I bought knock offs. I’m awful and whatnot.

Real talk though. I cannot spend on a good day (they are in Australia so the prices are in AUD) like 60$ on leggings that will probably not fit me because Bloodmilk notoriously does not serve fatties.So yeah nope. Fuck those people.

My secret for the four pairs of printed leggings I’ve picked up has been ebay. Search for your print and make sure you read any feedback and reviews. Keywords you want to pay attention to in the sizing details. American vs Asian sizing. Asian sizing is going to almost always run quite a bit smaller.

Some leggings hacks, especially printed leggings.

If they are a bit too see through in the butt or crotch wear tunic length tops. If they are just a bit too small or they don’t go all the way up to your crotch, get some tight fitting undies like mens briefs and wear em super hero style with a long top.

If the waistband elastic is too tight, break that shit. Basically stretch it until you hear or feel it pop then stretch it a bit more.

If you are more crafty, you can replace too small elastic with something else stretchy to give yourself more space in the waist without sacrificing your print.

Now let’s talk about some other subtle ways to get your gender feels on without having to buy more stuff.

For me personally when I’m feeling a bit more Masc Femme, I tend to wear different jewelry. Still pretty femme but it feels good to me to wear my chunkier jewelry when I feel more masc and my  more delicate jewelry when I feel more Feminine Femme.

I’m still exploring more ways of expressing my gender and talking about it in a way that fits the type of fluidity I feel.

What else are my Fall aesthetics? Some beauty stuff okay?

VAMPY LIPS Y’ALL.

I’ve been wearing the HELL out of this J.Cat Beauty Lip paint stuff in Queen of Hearts. It is a tad bit messy and if you have any dry skin around your mouth this will be an issue. It is really full coverage and I find that playing with blotting can totally change how the product looks on your lips. Super worth it

I’m also super into Nyx lippies. Y’all they have a TON of finishes, colors, opacities etc to choose from and they are fairly inexpensive so you can get to experiment without busting the bank. Currently I’m super obsessed with the Butter Glosses. I think at last count I have six of them and I LOVE them. Pro tip: they are frequently on sale at drug stores and Ulta for great deals like I picked up some that were buy two Nyx products get one free.

I’m still on the hunt for a new coat to wear between now and actual cold weather. I am super picky and have a terrible wool allergy so that struggle is super real.

Next time, I’ll probably blog some about more gender feels, some new skin care stuff I’m playing with and my urge to Vlog.

Later taters.

Some More Brown Femme Goodness

I’m still kind of depressed about poor folks stuff so how about I do some quickie links/short reviews of beauty stuff?

Yes.

OH wait before I start, no your eyes are not deceiving you. I did a little redesigning today. If you click in, I’ve moved some of my affiliate stuff down to the left, and up top you can see some of my linked pages. Let me know about the color, the stark white actually makes my head hurt, but if it’s hard for y’all to read holler at me.

OKAY NOW.

Brown Femme goodness.

Okay, can we start with how ass over tea kettle I am with Nyx Cosmetics right now? Recently a CVS opened in my neighborhood and they carry ALL the fuckin Nyx. Like….y’all the first time I went I totally freaked out.

So the major thing I love about Nyx beyond affordability is that they make enough of a range of things lip colors, that you can really stock up (especially those kick ass CVS sales) and experiment without being out like 18$ to find out you hate something.

Let me show you what Nyx lippies I’m loving right now.

First off, I LOVE their Butter Glosses.Since I’m suddenly SUPER into nudes, this shade called Ginger Snap is my current fave shiny nude. Honestly, it is almost the exact color of my face when I put it on my lips.

I’m also a HUGE fan of the Nyx Lingerie lips. As far as liquid lipsticks go this is the most comfortable one I own.

I also love their lipsticks, all of them.

And let’s talk about some tips.

In terms of make up, if you’re not ready for extra eye looks yet, lipsticks are a fantastic way to feel a bit more edgy and let’s talk about some ways to find stuff that is adventurous and won’t cost an arm and a leg.

The Nyx Cosmic Metal Lipcreams look AMAZING to me. I haven’t tried them yet but I’m desperate to. And also if you can’t wear a metallic blue lip at work, pack it in your bag and put it on when you go.

I’m also really impressed by the Maybelline Color Sensation lipsticks. I have two and the Grey about it one is a GREAT griege nude for brown folks. You’re not gonna get like, high end payoff, but they are super great for folks just getting into wilder lips.

Next up, JCat Wonder Lip Paints. I was immediately obsessed with the OCC Lip Tars when they first came out. Those are expensive AF. These are not and honestly, pro tip. If you can find some containers you can split them with your Femme friends and not really run out. It’s a huge amount of product for very little money. Also the Jcat Soft Matte lip stuff is really pretty. Messy to apply at first, but so gorgeous.

What other stuff?

OH okay if you’re like me and don’t really do all the highlight and contour let me tell you a secret. One of my secret make up weapons is a couple of good bronzers.

A couple of bronzes can do wonders for your makeup wardrobe. A little on the cheeks, nose, forehead and you’ve got a little bit of a glow. Use it for nude eyeshadow looks.

For oily skinned folks, I do not recommend using, the type of bronzer with a lot of sparkle. When your face starts to grease up, it can make it look weird. Ask me how I know (tragic day of looking like a greasy disco ball and not ina fun way)

I have two of these Rimmel London Natural bronzers. They are old and are very pretty. Sun Bronze warms up very nicely on my skin and gives me that slightly accented glow type look. It is really subtle on me and buildable.

I also REALLY love the Nyx matte bronzers. I have the second to darkest one and I need a new one soon. It is perfect for me when I’m not doing my whole super matte creepy fake looking dolly skin look.

To apply I use a very big very fluffy brush. I like my bronzers to be pretty diffuse and not very concentrated. I can’t find a link, but it’s like an overgrown Kabuki brush. Stout handle and big very fluffy brush head. I think I got them in the clearance bin at Big Lots.

Lately, I’ve had a hankering to recreate some 90s looks I wore when I was a teenager/young adult. There is glitter involved and I’m kinda hype for it.

The weather here has been pretty hot so I’ve mainly been wearing a lot of dual colored cat eyes and hot lippies. My face is greasy as all get out but I’m trying to roll with it until the weather gets cooler.

I’ve also gone back to the L’Oreal Pro matte. My color is Soft Sable. It’s just the teensiest bit too light, but the only other brown shade is way too dark. That makes me super angry, but it is the only drugstore foundation I’ve been able to wear for the past year or so.

I’ve tried  a few others, but as lots of beauty bloggers have said before me, a lot of drug store foundation is really pink. I am not. Even though my cash situation is not great, I still daydream about the Nars Sheer Glow Foundation. I KNOW some of y’all are like bitch what? But, with powder and a good primer y’all, I had a big sample of it and it is just so gorgeous. It made me feel like a baby doll.

For a while I was a devout user of MUFE Matte Velvet. UNTIL I went to an event and had a flash photo taken and OMG…the ASH IT WAS REAL. I was mortified, though to be fair not a soul noticed even when I showed them. But yeah. It broke my heart. I’ve been eyeballing the UD All Nighter foundation, but their shade range… I am not sure I will have a good match. I might go grab a sample.

Right now I think I’m mostly daydreaming about having a perfect dolly face. Which means I’ll have to buy color corrector AND new concealer. But y’all know how it is.

Coming up soon I’ll review the pastel lavender wig I was wearing, we’ll have some struggle bus natural talk AND I’ll show y’all some of the stuff I use/wear that I will pay the extra coins for.

I love y’all.

Summer Brown Femme Goodness.

Okay I’m not super into revisiting my previous post.

Instead let’s talk about stuff your own Femme SparkleQueen loves for summer.

Now I know that matte lips are still super in but as much as I love them, I love a big ole shiny lip even more. Especially because the AC is kicking where I work and my poor lips suffer.

Most of what I’m gonna show you are some individual links(most are affiliate links) that I love on my own dark lips. My lips are brown and red and some of these won’t give full coverage but look really pretty on lips that aren’t necessarily all red or all pink. I’ll put everyone on a pin board y’all can check out at the end too for easy access.

First up drugstore faves.

First up the Maybelline Baby Lips Moisturizing Lipgloss. I picked two of these up a while back on a pure whim and omg. Y’all so pretty. My favorite is the shade A Wink of Pink. The sparkles aren’t chunky and it is shiny and the wear is very nice. I’m also a fan of the just a glimmer color. It is pretty and on more purple toned lips absolute magic.

For some POW color, the Nyx Cosmetics Intense Lip Butters mother fucking deliver. I probably have five of them at this point and they are stunners. Soft on the lip and SHINY. BLAM.

Next another constant favorite. Like, y’all. These are honestly some of my thow in my bag go to for the gleam glosses. L’oreal Colour Riche Le Gloss. Now these aren’t opaque on my lips, but, but the shine and the tint. I have several an a few that were discontinued. Brown lipped folks, that Chocolate Obsession is a really beautiful glossy brown that will highlight your natural lip color.

Let’s move on to lipsticks. I’m a lipstick fanatic. I’ve been known to have a legit meltdown over a great lipstick.

Nyx Round Case lipstick. If you are experimenting with colors, are poor or don’t want to spend a lot these lippies are great. Gorgeous colors, soft, shiny texture. I have had many many of them. Great for those just starting out trying to find colors you like to wear. Remember, we don’t have to spend it all to look fabulous.

Another Nyx lippie I love. The Butter lipsticks. Creamy and gorgeous. The shade Hunk is hands down one of my favorite lipstick shades EVER. Amazing on brown skin.

I SWEAR I’m not a rep for Nyx or anything. I just really love their lippies. A couple more.

My current favorite lipstick is from the Nyx Wicked Lippies line. If you’ve been dying to try out some wild ass colors, this line has some wild ass colors. I have the dark grey and the purple and they are so pretty. Neither of those looks to be available right now, but have a look anyway they are great.

Next if you like a vampy lip, I feel like these are a MUST have. Every single one looks great on brown skin and just UNF so good. The Nyx Simply Vamp Lip Cremes. This is one line where I feel like if I had them all I would in fact wear them all. I do love a deep dark lip and these are just gorgeous.

Other brown femme stuff.

If you like a kind of all purpose kind of thing, let me give you one of my fave protips.

For a cute, glowy mega easy look here’s what you need. Do your face how you do. I do full coverage foundation. You need a mascara that makes your lashes go POW POW POW. And you need a bronzer.

For this multi use you want one that is only one shade darker or lighter than your skin and has some shimmer. Shimmer at your own discretion.

Here are some bronzers I have used for the multi purpose and like. Now these are not for highlighting/contouring. If you follow me on Insta you know I don’t really do all that.

Rimmel Natural bronzer. I’m pretty brown so I have the dark one called Sunbronze.  

Makeup Revolution Vivid Shimmer Brick. UNf both of these. I actually killed a rose gold one and need a new one.

You’ll also need a couple of different brushes depending on how you like to do your make up.

When I go for the eyes, I use either a fluffy brush like this or if I want to pack in the bronzey shimmer I use one like this. 

Now take your bronzer and apply it to your eyelids, cheeks, tip of your nose, cupid’s bow where ever you want a bit of that extra glow. Fluff up your lashes.

And then top it off with a stellar lip color.

If you don’t fucks with make up a lot, this is an easy put together beautiful look. Trust me. If you are afraid to do too much, you can have an easy eye, glowy skin and BOOM LIPS.

I did it today and couldn’t get a good photo. OF COURSE but it’s a go to move for me.

Next beauty post, we’re gonna talk about foundations and my undying love of a matte matte MATTE, beat face.

What are your go to looks?

What lippies do you like? Come on tell Auntie. OH also I may try a real tutorial so…..stay tuned my homies.