Walk Walk Fashion Baby- Killstar and Hot Topic Review.

Hi babes!

Let’s talk some fashion I’ve picked up recently.

First we’ll talk Hot Topic. I have come full circle back to being a mall goth. Or my body has just decided to be chunky teenager sized and HT has stuff that fits me that I can afford. SO let’s talk about some of my fave things.

I am a HUGE lover of the skater skirt. I wear them a lot, tucked in, with a geek tee, etc. Love them. Hot Topic has these gorgeous velvety skater skirts in straight and plus sizes. Y’ALL THEY HAVE MOTHER FUCKING POCKETS!

[image description: the view from above of teh author wearing a black velvet circle skirt, with their hand in the pocket]

MOTHER FUCKING POCKETS.

Ahem. The waistband is wide covered elastic, for reference my waist is usually 29-31″ or so depending on how the wind is blowing and I picked up a size Large. It is roomy enough I could have gone with a medium honestly. The stretch is quite nice. Pulled up high to my natural waist, it is almost knee length. The plus sizes, go up to their size 5 (About the same as Torrid) and waist sizes 52″ – 56″ .

IF you are a fat babe, do consider trying one on even if your waist is a bit bigger than the listed sizes because velvety material and a good stretch waistband mean you can likely fudge your sizing a bit as well as try wearing the skirt on different parts of your belly for fit.

I also picked up the galaxy print one because yes I am still obsessed with galaxy print. I would have actually paid retail for both skirts and y’all know Auntie hates retail prices. I HIGHLY suggest these skirts. They have a pretty good variety of sizes and colors most of the time. If you’re on a tight budget, get on their mailing list and wait for a good sale. They have them often.

Now to stroll to the high end area of Gothdom, I bought some stuff from Killstar. So if you’re not into dark aesthetics, you might click that and immediately go WTF…y’all. Killstar is in fact expensive af. I’ve been stalking the items I got for a while and when they had a big sale recently I hit it immediately.

I picked up my third pair of sneakers I’ve ever owned. I got these high top, spiked velvet platform beauties.

Sorry screen reader friends the images are as follows from the left:

[left image description: a top down view of black velvet sneakers with a spiked ankle strap and spikes down the back]

{middle image description: the back of the high top black velvet sneakers with spikes up the back, and the lower leg of a spider web print tall sock]

[far right photo: a top down view of the bottom of the authors outfit. A small bit of velvet skirt over black tights clad knees, grey and black knee high socks and black velvet sneakers]

These are the velvet version of the Unholy High Tops. 

First impression (this is my first Killstar order and I had intended on doing a little unboxing video but my phone was broken..next time babes) was WOW. The packaging is really beautiful. Your recipet comes in a lovely heavy black envelope and somewhere on the branding it says something like occult luxury. Hell yes it is.

I also picked up a few other items, the socks I’m wearing today and some other bits. I’m wearing the All Caught up Socks. Now, having come of aesthetic age in the time of terrible bullshit acrylic socks that were tiny I was not really expecting a whole lot. I was shooketh. The socks have a nice heft to them and are quite soft. My calves aren’t huge but often socks like this I have a hard time fitting into them. I don’t recommend them for large calves or plus size folks who want them to the actual knee.

The socks are nice but I wouldn’t pay full price for them. I’ll stick to Sock Dreams for fancy socks. I also picked up some mens shirts on clearance. I am glad to say that the mens 2xl tee fits a big fat man with a big belly pretty well if a bit tight across the shoulders. The mens 2xl sleeveless tee, makes a super cute mini dress for me. I’ll be wearing it a lot in the summer.

NOW my loves the shoes.

For context I LOVE GOTH SHOES. I’ve had dozens of pairs of Demonia shoes. Oh Demonia, I’ll save a whole ass post for the triumphs and hearbreaks of being a Demonia lover.

These shoes, I literally gasped when I opened the box. The velvet is so beautiful and soft, the spikes are soft but look hard? Weird but it works. The shoes look heavier than they are. They have a solid 2″ platform, no heel. There is some arch support so if you don’t have super high arches like I do, it should be enough support without an insole. I’ve got super high arches and my insoles fit fine.

The shoe is nice and light, wide feet should fit just fine with a lace adjustment. There is an inner zip on the shoe which I appreciate because sometimes in the morning my feet are too stiff to slide into high shoes without a zip.

I’ve been wearing them for a few days and they are very high quality. Everything I got from Killstar is great quality. This is such a departure from a lot of the goth brands I grew up with. So is Killstar expensive? Yes. Is it worth it, I’m going to also say yes.

If you don’t have big baller money, do sign up for their email list and watch those sales. Make sure you load your wishlist and check it every now and then for discounts.

If you want to order, feel free to use my referral link here for 5$ off your first order.

Kind of Working it Out.

If you’ve been here a minute, y’all know I am not a cold weather person. I don’t fucks with winter. At. All.

My goal for this winter has been comfort, warmth and dry feet. If you know me, you also know I hate pants. Pants as in trousers and I especially loath jeans.

My staple wardrobe items have been as follows (affiliate links ahoy)

Fleece Tights. I buy the XL or 1X to make sure they fight my thighs and y’all. I have bought them on Ebay, at Walgreens, on Amazon. The best thing is, even though every pair I’ve ever owned the waistband fails, I’m wearing them under regular leggings so they can be too big and still serve their purpose.

My next staple are big ass tall socks. From my friends over at Sock Dreams the link is right to my glorious wish list. Let me tell you a story of how a company shows fatty solidarity. Many years ago when yours truly was a beginner fat activist blogger, I tried to do a little fat fashioning. One of the things I was obsessed with (then and now) was tall socks. Back then, I mostly bought those thin acrylic knee highs that were usually shitty quality and not warm. I bought a pair of supposed to be OTK socks from Sock Dreams and they were wee tiny. I wrote them a sad fatty letter and they promised they were working on it. A couple of years later, a fat friend was like  YO LOOK. And y’all, Sock Dreams Delivered. Not only did they work to curate plus size socks WITH MEASUREMENTS but BUT Y’ALL. On many of their socks you can look at them on some lovely fatter legs.

Other retailers take notes, take copious notes. This is what it looks like when you are actively working on a plus size section. I will also say that everytime I buy I write them a nice note because they are also nice folks.

Also if you go have a looksy through my Amazon shop, I added stuff I like. I’m about that fleece tights, leggings and big tops/sweaters layered life right now. I added a ton of leggings and stuff too. Actually now that I look you’ll have to keep an eye on the shop because I apparently didn’t add as many as I thought I did. Whoops.

I’m SUPER into patterned leggings. Stripes, galaxy, Hamlet (yes I bought knock offs),  mermaid. My secret is, I don’t give a hot fuck if somebody sees my big ole hams. Matter of fact, some of my outfits are fully intended to HIGHLIGHT my thighs in leggings because they are amazing.

And I’ve been wearing boots a lot. Of course.

Work in some low key cosplay.

I think I’ve FINALLY figured out how to stay warm AND enjoy my Winter Wardrobe.

Here are some half outfit pics:

I’ve even got myself some really cute Chelsea type boots I’ll do a full review on soon.

Some tips on buying leggings on the internet:

  1. Check and see if they are Asian sizes or not.
  2. When in doubt, read the reviews. READ THEM. Some of them are not helpful, but read them.
  3. If leggings are too tight in the waist, bust that elastic. Stretch it out until it pops.
  4. Noted high waists are often more forgiving around the belly.
  5. Don’t be afraid of your butt. Your butt is fine, your butt is great. Only worry (if you must worry) about whether or not your leggings are see thru in the crack.
  6. Don’t be afraid of your belly. Got a big ole belly? Got a double belly? Got a jiggly pot belly? It is fine. Your belly is great. Cover it or don’t as you please.
  7. If your pattern distorts over your parts, (belly, crotch, ass, whatever) it’s fine. Your body and your stretched out pattern are great.
  8. If your booty/other parts jiggle ENJOY THAT SHIT. I’ve been really appreciating my booty jiggle lately.
  9. Don’t pay a lot of money for leggings. I mean, even if the print is awesome, you can probably find the same or similar. Leggings quality can only vary so much and unless you MUST have the best digitally printed images on your ass, don’t worry about it.
  10. This is also an excellent and easy way to get some low key cosplay in.

Experiment. Keep your bottom warm. Feel comfy. Look cute AF.

What more do you need?

Fave Goth Stuff. The Broke Goth Edition.

Oh Brokeass Auntie, Patron Saint of Old Comfy Goths everywhere, WHERE do we buy Goth stuff?

So brace yourselves.

First up, let’s talk basics.

For me that means black stuff like tees, leggings, other shirts. First rule of Broke Goth club is that stuff is generally basic, is not stuff I pay big bucks for. I like to save my budget for the occasional higher end item but every day stuff no.

I’ll also roll some tips about leggings buying on Ebay.

So first lets talk about buying plain leggings.

Always look at your local drug store. I’ve seen regular and fleecy leggings from xxs-3/4X at Walgreens. Frequently they are 2 for 10$. Those are the store brand. Always check out the underpants area as well. Hanes and Leggs both make leggings and I’ve seen those on sale as well. If you shop at a store with loyalty cards save up enough cash back and snag some. You can never have too many pairs of plain or plainish leggings.

For a few more choices, check Walmart and Target. And always check the workout leggings for more interesting options. That said, don’t pay more than 15-20$ at the most because come on they are leggings.

Now I personally like to wear leggings in cooler weather both as pants (FIGHT ME) and under skirts and stuff.

My number one rule no matter what your aesthetic is, look EVERYWHERE. I am of the mind that if you have the cash, we all need basics all the time. Drawers, socks, hosiery, leggings, tees.

Let’s break for a minute and talk about aesthetics. Regardless of what flavor your Goth is, or what your aesthetics are for real, don’t be afraid to look for stuff everywhere. If you’re like me and have a Walmart budget, rock that walmart shit.

For us Broke Goths, I like to say spend my money on accessories or the occasional fancier dress or shoes. You get to pick.

Some folks might be saying, but but Shannon why don’t you just save up for ONE thing. Because I can’t wear just one thing. For those of us who don’t have instant laundry access or dry cleaning money, what are we going to cover our butts with?

While we’re talking spending, yeah I’m gonna be linking to fast fashion. Here’s the thing, not all of us are able to vote with our wallets. A lot of stores and manufacturers are problematic to pure evil, but you know what? I still need clothes I have access to.

Okay so let’s get with the links.

Don’t be afraid of Hot Topic. They have some great sales and if you sign up for the elist you can get coupons.Let’s look at some stuff I find versatile and comfylike:

Black Skull Mesh Leggings. I have a pair of these. The sizing is nice. I got a large and probably could have gone with a medium and been fine. They are super cute with a cardi, not super warm but comfy. Great price on sale right now.

If you have narrower hips/are a dude, check out these on sale skinny jeans. Super cute. Great price.

You get my drift. And remember to always check clearance, if things are stretchy you can always consider sizing down for a tighter fit.

Let’s go to Amazon.

How to search: Use my example and search with me.

Use Black A line skirt- TONS of results. I picked this skirt.  Note though, it doesn’t say so in the description this is probably an Asian size and the one size fits most is likely not going to work for me.Always check that. The generic size guides Amazon uses are not great. Also again this is a time where I say read ALL the reviews. Watch out for the ones where someone says I’m usually a size X and this was tiny/too big.

My magic combo for searching amazon, ebay, etc. are usually color, type of garment and then I can whittle my choices down from there.

You get my drift. In meatspace I have another super secret method. Say you really have your eye on a pair of pants from a store. Go to the store, find out if they have the size you want, try them on. Then go home and use the internets. Check ebay, amazon and the store site. Check for coupons.

In the past couple of years I’ve started collecting some gothy accessories after years of not wearing much in that way.

For cutesy cheap things, Ebay. Etsy. Search by keyword or material.

To wrap up, let me give you a little shopping list if I had H&M cash. This is the sort of thing I consider Gothable and wearable, especially if you have a casual job. Most of this stuff is thin, so layering would be essential, but this is what I like. These are totally affiliate links and I do get a few coins from clicks.

Silver pleated skirt– UGH I freaking love this so much. SHINY.

Short Jersey Dress– This would be great to wear with fleecy leggings, or interesting tights, a cardi and boots.

Fine knit Sweater- I have a similar sweater I got from Old Navy a couple of seasons ago. I LOVE this shape and layering. It’s thin, so I know I won’t sweat to death while I’m walking and if I layer right I won’t freeze either.

Cowl neck sweater– Normally I HATE anything close to my neck. But this looks so soft and comfy. I can picture it with my faux leather leggings, OTK boots, and some big chunky jewelry. YASSSSSS.

Fine knit Dress– Another one I love. I’d pair this with my stripey leggings, or some fleece tights and OTK socks and boots.

Plus size H&M+ Slim-fit Pants– I actually really like how the skinny cut pants from HM fit. The plus size ones are a bit too big in the booty for me. But the straight sizes work for me. So if you have a bit more booty in the pants these might do you right.

Plus size Knit Tunic- I think this would be dress length on me and I’m for it. I think it is really pretty. Again, I see boots, OTK socks, Leggings, fleece tights.

So the big lesson is, the Goth isn’t necessarily in the shop. Get in where you fit in. You don’t have to spend all your coin to be a Goth.

NOW. this was the practical version. This is what I actually do and where I actually shop.

Next time we’re gonna go full fantasyland and it’s gonna be awesome.

 

Old Goth Shoe Review-Dolly Bae Harlots Web Boots.

A few months ago I had a gift card to Dolls Kill and I spent a few weeks figuring out what I wanted. Pro-tip they are not average size and up folk friendly for clothing. A lot of their clothing is only stocked in small sizes and a lot of the supposed one size stuff doesn’t fit above a size 8.

That being what it is, I picked up the Dolly Bae Harlots Web boots while they were on clearance.

These caught my eye because of the clear compartment and little plastic spiders inside the platform. Also being that the platform isn’t solid I figured they’d be pretty light as well. I’ve worn these a few times and here we go.

First up the box. They arrived in a huge glossy box see below:

box

[Image description: shiny black box with the words “Dolly Bae” in white script on it.

The boots were very well packaged. Each was both stuffed with tissue paper and there was that thin foamy stuff taped around the platform so they wouldn’t scuff in transit. Excellent.

Packaging A++.

Now here is how the shoes look at my feet, for reference I wear a size 7m in women’s shoes.

ropahow

[Image description: Black lace up shoes with black embroidered spider webs on top.

Okay so the upper is real leather. The embroidery is very nice. The leather has a nice thick but not hard feel. It is already starting to loosen up nicely after a few wears and walking around.

The laces are your standard round laces. They are long enough that if you have wider or fatter feet you should be able to lace them comfortable. There is a large industrial style zipper up the back and here is where I knock a couple of points off. The zipper action is very hard. I will likely oil the zipper a little to try and ease the action. That said, I believe the zipper is going to be pretty durable.

The platform, y’all.

The specs: these have a 3″ platform that is hollow inside with a bunch of baby plastic black spiders in it. Now if you look at the photos it looks like there is a ton, but really there aren’t that many. The bottom of the platform has a nice sole. See here:

platform

[image description: Platform ankle boots showing a clear platform with black plastic spiders inside.

The spiders move around while you walk and make a little noise. If you are sensitive to small kinda scratchy noises you won’t like them.

This type of platform is pretty great if you don’t like to wear heels or are newer to higher platforms. Like any other platforms since you don’t feel your feet hit the ground they can take a bit of getting used to. And you’ll probably stumble at least once I have.

Overall- I would have actually paid full price for these. I feel like the construction is solid, the wear is comfy, there is even some arch support which a lot of Goth shoes don’t have. A-.

I also had my eye on these Demonia boots. But here’s the thing about Demonia as a brand. I’ve worn Demonia boots for a long, long time and the last pair I purchased in probably 2013 or so were not great. The last pair I bought was these and while they are cute as shit, the construction is a hot shitty pants mess. On the inside of the boot in the toe box there is a weird solid ridge of plastic that cuts into my toes.

My problem with Demonia has been iffy construction. I have another pair of Demonia boots that are probably 7 years old and are fantastic. Also for the tall boots the calf circumference can be small.

So if you’re gonna wear Demonia, do try them on first if you can.

Also FYI- I really can’t write about all of the current terrible news. I can’t. So posting round these parts is gonna be fluffy and shiny because I have to take care of my mental health.

Cold Weather Style Feels.

In the past few months I’ve discovered (old news I know, but I AM OLD deal with it) Strega/Dark more fashion. Thank you tumblr.

One of the features of these styles I am in love with are a lot of the beautiful knit type items folks layer with. So, to that end, I’ve decided to make myself some of those because reasons.

I already crochet and have started a couple of my big giant shawls for myself. I have been looking into arm knitting as well.

I’m looking at making one of these shawls.  I have a terrible wool allergy so a lot of the projects with the awesome huge chunky yarns have been inaccessible to me until, DUN DUN DUN… (affiliate links ahead)

Bernat Mega Bulky yarn. I saw this yarn not long ago and want it so bad. I love how it looks. I want to try it out.

Red Heart Boutique Twilight Yarn in Armour delivers the sparkle with no wool and that jumbo size.

Another favorite is Lion Brand Homespun.

Back to the Dark Mori. I’m SO into the idea because I love the idea and being that I’m outside a lot, I feel like it should work. That said, I’m terrible at it. I’m going to try harder this fall and winter. I think giving myself teh task of making myself some of the top/upper layer accessories will help get me started

I’m collecting up images and inspo and when I’ve got some more of my shit together I’ll post some of my actual outfit ideas.

I think I might have a little bulky yarn hidden in my stash and this weekend I’m gonna try to dig out some of my shawls for wearing.

Also in this cold weather fashion trend of mine, I’ll probably angst about my struggle with finding appropriate shoes that I can afford.

Are any of y’all crafty? Show me the stuff you make. I promise I won’t bite you if you’re cool.

Coming up soon, we’re gonna talk buying leggings, we’re gonna talk about Fall/Winter textures AND OMG I’m super stoked I’m gearing up for a quick and dirty guide for newly naturals.

I’m really excited about what’s happening in my new little blog here.

Thanks for visiting.

ALSO, if you want to see more of my choices for woolfree awesome yarns, check out this link (also linked above) of some of my faves. ALSO I’ll be adding a craft section to my Amazon store as well.

 

#bodygoals #beautygoals and thangs.

I’ve been daydreaming pretty heavily lately about my end game in terms of body modification. Oh wait, you didn’t think this would be about waist trainers or some shit did you?

Nope.

If I was going to do any waist training it would be tight lace corsetry. But that’s a whole other entry.

SO.

Due to financial shit, my partner and I were unable to get our septums pierced for his birthday and I’m pretty bummed about that. I really want to finish up facial piercings in the next year or so. I want my septum and each nostril. For summary, of course.

I really like the idea of having an upside down triangle of shiny things in my face.

Beauty as I age involves a lot of thought about body modifcation. My ultimate dream is to be a heavily tattooed little old person someday. I’m talking pretty much a full bodysuit of tattoos, maybe a few implants and scarification. I’m talking serious.

I dream about being a Nazgul Alien Evil Queen.

Since I was a little baby potato, my dreams in terms of my own looks have always involved body modifications of one sort or another. My tattoo dreams (I have about 10 medium to smallish ones planned right now) are just, right now they feel out of reach because it is expensive. I’m hoping that I can get either a poetry/personal survival related piece on my right forearm or two small ones behind each ear soonish.

I’m working up to getting at least the spiritually meaningful ink first. Then the fun stuff.

One of the other things I’ve really thought a lot about is using accessories to help me feel beautiful in my gender/expression.

So since I’m currently putting bits of money aside for new fancy goth stuff let’s talk about stuff I want.

I want prescription sclera lenses. I actually really want to get my eyes tattooed and blacked out, but, that body mod isn’t totally a safe one and given how bad my vision is I feel like it would just fuck up my vision more. I’m also really into these.

The other thing I dream about is having custom grills. My favorite are this style. I want them fanged, top and bottom in the white gold.

The older and more comfortable I get in my body, the more I want to explore how I present myself to the world. I want to try out ways to make myself look alien or monstrous. The traditional or trendy ideas of beauty have really stopped being at all influential or important to me.

I don’t really do a lot with my eyebrows. Occasionally I shave or wax them into thin eyebrows but I’m terrible at drawing them on and filling them. I wish I was better at it so I could shave them off and have different ones daily. I really LOVE super artistic brows and it’s a skill I hope to attain.

While I’m on the countdown to 40 (I turn 40 next March) I’m so happy that my expression of my own beauty is becoming this weird thing where I screw around with make up and I’m not afraid not to do pretty, professional looking make up on myself. I spent a lot of time a few years ago feeling very unimpressed with my make up skills in spite of the hours of practice I put in.

These days, I’ll throw crap on my face until I feel cute and sometimes it works sometimes not. And I’m fine with it. I’m proud of it.

My engagement with beauty is strictly on my terms. This is possibly the greatest gift in terms of beauty I’ve ever given myself. Even more than taking time to learn to take care of my skin or hair.

In terms of my gender expression, I’ve settled on just being a non-binary femme alien nazgul monster queen. Like, that really does it for me. The gender thing we’ll talk more about.

There is something so joyful for me in  not beating myself up on any level about the zero fucks I give about what is age appropriate, normal, pretty or whatever.

So how about some peeks at what I’m into lately?

I’m really into the soft grunge look. That said, being that I’m not pale I have had a bit of a time figuring out how to make it work. Also the techniques. I got the technique down today, but I used an eyeshadow that’s too made on my skin. Also, for me, I want my skin close to flawless and beat. Almost every tutorial is done by/for White/pale people so I’ve had to improvise.

I’m getting back into dramatic ass super extra big ole winged liner. Big Wings. I’ve been experimenting with different liner formulas. I like my cat eye liner big and black. Or big and black on top color on bottom. My Old Goth standby.

What am I ready to get back into?

Experimenting with ways to look like a creepy, mostly dead doll type figure. Not sure how to get what I see in my head, I’m working on it.

Also big shiny lips. We’ll do a lip look post later on.

I’m finding myself ready to play with my looks again and it’s fantastic.

Lately I’ve been kinda plainish for my taste mainly because I’ve not had the energy so I’m working on it.

Wanna see my face?

Come follow me on Instagram. Most of my insta is selfies and I’m going to resume actually trying to get good make up shots.

The best part about this is that I’m living proof you are never too old or too anything to reframe how you think of beauty, both your own and other folks. You just have to try.

Next time we’re gonna talk about fashion and my concept of low key cosplay in every day life. Ways to invoke your faves without dropping legit cosplay money.

 

Fall Aesthetics- Gender Fluid Goth Feelings

It is officially Fall in my brain. The weather is cooling down and is grey and drizzly.

That means, Fall Aesthetics are happening.

Per usual since I am protective styling my hair, I changed it. I’m rocking some evil mermaid locks right now and I’m super into it. I’ll have a whole post about it soon.

newhair

[image description: photo of the author. Brown skinned person with black and burgundy long wavy hair]

So that’s the hair aesthetic right now. A little Evil Femme Mermaid.

NOW the clothes.

Fall and cooler weather means I have to wear more pants and weather resistant stuff. Can we talk about what I’m craving?

My ultimate Fall looks are lots of vampy make up (messy smokey eye, big dark lips) very Goth Femme and I like cardigans and if I’m wearing pants I prefer skinny cut jeans (but not denim if I can help it), straight cut twill pants and of course leggings.

How about some links? Some are affiliate some not:

For some masc/butch footwear can we talk about black on black Timberlands? They are pricy but I believe they are worth it. When I was in my early 20s I had some classic ones that lasted for probably six years with a lot of heavy wear. Pro tip if you have smaller feet like me, try looking at Kids Footlocker for big kid sizes. You save some cash and have a few extra finish types to choose from. The other great thing about this style of boot is that if you get the adult sizes usually the mens sizes, they are steel cap which is great.

Also, if you can’t afford Timbs, check places like Payless or Kmart for similar styles. Usually you can find them in the work boot area.

Next tip about pants.

For reference about my body. In pants I am usually a 13-15 in Jrs. In grown lady pants depending on the cut and brand I’m anywhere from a 10-14. I have big ass hams and not a lot of booty. I also loathe pants. I wear them because I don’t like my ass or cooch being cold but I hate pants. Mainly because a lot of pants tend to not fit my hips/low waist at the same time. Or my high natural waist and my hips at the same time.

My advice about pants, especially for gender fluid folks.

Find a style of ass covering that makes you feel good about your booty. Doesn’t matter if they are dude pants, lady pants, leggings, jeggings, whatever.

Now for me, let me show y’all some of what is on my wishlist.

First up I am actually wearing these right now:

These are (that is an amazon affiliate link) Jr sizing low rise straight leg twill pants.

Pros: these fit my big hams small booty self very well. The rise is a bit low but not unbearable. They are inexpensive and last pretty well. Comfy (the material softens up very nicely) and I like them. They are very easily modded. They are very plain so you can add patches or trim or whatever floats your boat.

Cons: They do stretch kind of weird. You will eventually need a belt especially if you sit a lot.They are not the quality that the dude Dickie’s usually are. The material is thinner and they will not look as good for long.

They also do come in plus sizes.

Tips for buying: I have not found them in stores so if you’re unsure, order two sizes and return what doesn’t fit. Also if you have more booty in the pants regardless of size this cut probably won’t do you any good.

I’ve got half a mind to give this style a shot as well. I like that slightly wide leg fit. That sort of cut always makes me feel a little more boy. 

 

When I’m feeling a bit less masc but I don’t feel like wearing a dress I’m super into printed leggings this year.

Behold my new favorite leggings.

hammy

[image description: a photo of crossed legs. The leggings have small light colored print]

Those are my Bloodmilk Knock off Hamlet leggings.

Okay, yes I know I bought knock offs. I’m awful and whatnot.

Real talk though. I cannot spend on a good day (they are in Australia so the prices are in AUD) like 60$ on leggings that will probably not fit me because Bloodmilk notoriously does not serve fatties.So yeah nope. Fuck those people.

My secret for the four pairs of printed leggings I’ve picked up has been ebay. Search for your print and make sure you read any feedback and reviews. Keywords you want to pay attention to in the sizing details. American vs Asian sizing. Asian sizing is going to almost always run quite a bit smaller.

Some leggings hacks, especially printed leggings.

If they are a bit too see through in the butt or crotch wear tunic length tops. If they are just a bit too small or they don’t go all the way up to your crotch, get some tight fitting undies like mens briefs and wear em super hero style with a long top.

If the waistband elastic is too tight, break that shit. Basically stretch it until you hear or feel it pop then stretch it a bit more.

If you are more crafty, you can replace too small elastic with something else stretchy to give yourself more space in the waist without sacrificing your print.

Now let’s talk about some other subtle ways to get your gender feels on without having to buy more stuff.

For me personally when I’m feeling a bit more Masc Femme, I tend to wear different jewelry. Still pretty femme but it feels good to me to wear my chunkier jewelry when I feel more masc and my  more delicate jewelry when I feel more Feminine Femme.

I’m still exploring more ways of expressing my gender and talking about it in a way that fits the type of fluidity I feel.

What else are my Fall aesthetics? Some beauty stuff okay?

VAMPY LIPS Y’ALL.

I’ve been wearing the HELL out of this J.Cat Beauty Lip paint stuff in Queen of Hearts. It is a tad bit messy and if you have any dry skin around your mouth this will be an issue. It is really full coverage and I find that playing with blotting can totally change how the product looks on your lips. Super worth it

I’m also super into Nyx lippies. Y’all they have a TON of finishes, colors, opacities etc to choose from and they are fairly inexpensive so you can get to experiment without busting the bank. Currently I’m super obsessed with the Butter Glosses. I think at last count I have six of them and I LOVE them. Pro tip: they are frequently on sale at drug stores and Ulta for great deals like I picked up some that were buy two Nyx products get one free.

I’m still on the hunt for a new coat to wear between now and actual cold weather. I am super picky and have a terrible wool allergy so that struggle is super real.

Next time, I’ll probably blog some about more gender feels, some new skin care stuff I’m playing with and my urge to Vlog.

Later taters.

Gender Feels are Upon Me

If you didn’t know already, I am not a cis person. Read about it here.

I’ve been thinking about the gender indicators in my life/aesthetics. I have some more non-fiction in the works about this stuff, and that the best way to describe my gender is Femme. If you want to know about Queer Femme sorts, start here this is pretty great.

When I was lil baby Femme, normally when I felt more like FemmeBoi I would break out my (note most clothes, stuff will be affiliate links) bondage pants, saggy jeans, the occasional snapback and I usually would cut all my hair off. I kind of hated that but kind of loved it.

Looking back, a lot of my gender presentation was based on what I thought was masculine. Boots, oxfords, I wore a lot of oxfords. Trousers if I wasn’t wearing bondage pants. Mens clothes.

Now that I’m older, I realize that masculinity is not one size fit all. So what do I do now?

I’ve been in the long process of unfucking my wardrobe, mainly in figuring out what fits what doesn’t and getting rid of some truly raggedy shit.

If you’ve been here for a minute you know I’m an Aging Goth, I hate wearing pants, I’m not a fan of non stretchy waistbands. My style is pretty Femme. Lately all I want in the world are printed leggings, skater dresses, skater skirts, boots (UGH if those weren’t Demonia I’d buy them  next I love them so much, I’ll make a post about Demona later), tall socks and maybe some big ole ratty sweaters.

So what/how am I altering my gender expression to match my mood?

These days it is still boots but instead of trousers I wear leggings. Or if I’m feeling it, I might wear my only slightly trusty Dickies. And my very worn trusty old Docs. The short ones.  I also tend to wear more masculine scents. Yes, I KNOW scentless but doing that makes me super unhappy and I try not to douse myself. Honest.

The funniest thing to me about my gender expression and style is that it’s fairly genderless at this point. Mainly my gender expression has turned into aesthetic goals.

These include:

  • Looking like an anime villain.
  • Low key cosplay.
  • Regal Goth Prince
  • Kinda butchy Domme in business/sex wear. (Don’t ask I dunno yet)
  • Alien Nazgul Queen (Queen as in Queer not monarch)

What else is in my dream aesthetic? Sex and danger. A little androgyny. Fully beat face, with some masculine swagger. Because I can do that. That is what my body does naturally depending on what gender feels I’m having at any one time.

Later in life when I’ve got the cash I will continue with my body mods as well. We’ll talk about that in another post.

Basically, I want my outside decoration to entirely flow with the tide of my feelings. It will be hard, but I believe in myself.

That’s all for now.

 

 

 

Cranky Old Goth.

I know I’m always cranky, but bear with me, I’m a chubby ass Old Goth and I got beef.

Like many wise Old Goths I know better than to be mad when dark styles come back around again. The thing that makes it great is that a lot of stuff becomes accessible and affordable. A lot of us chunky ass Old Goths magically have more choices to stock up on.

So if you’ve seen there is a huge Witchy Occulty dark aesthetic happening all over and I’m here for it.

Now let me reminisce about some good old days, circa let’s say ’95 to, uh, let’s say 2005 or so.Back in the day as we Olds like to call it, we had a pretty good selection of Goth shit. Sturdy shit. Shit, I could pack my ass into between the sizes of let’s say 8-18.

It was a great fucking time.

Now cut to now, 2016.

Today I was doing some browsing and wow, damn if I didn’t have a flashback to being a baby size 14 fatty and only being able to look at purses and shoes with my friends.

One one hand FUCK YES give it ALL to me in Black and spooky but god damn.

Examples.

I fell in absolute love with this dress from Dolls Kill.  I mean I fell ASS over tea kettle in love with it. I have a 20$ gift card for Dolls Kill in my purse and I was 99% sure I could order it next week with money from one of my side hustles.

But, because I’ve been a fatty for a long time and Alt clothing has turned from pretty stuff for ALL the booties to maybe if you’re pretty skinny and tall-I emailed.

I will say that their CS was very fast and polite. I do like how their stuff is worded. I feel like if I could be their customer, I’d I’d be their babe. That said that size range for pieces like that is reported as 0-8.

Um.

Bruh.

Whet…WAT.

I will say that I’ve seen a good number of folks outside of that size range who would probably clamor to buy stuff in that style, or in lots of other styles carried in that shop (things that aren’t shoes or accessories) but..seriously?

Okay so….obviously I and folks like me and fat folks are not their customer. And really I knew it going in (looking at their models/aesthetics) but god damn it I really wanted that dress.

I decided to have another look around and frankly I’ve found two shops with the witch bitch occulty I don’t give a fuck aesthetic I love that even tries to cater to more than thin folks.

Have a looksy through this shop. It’s not exactly the same aesthetic but a fat bitch can get there at this store. Look through and look at their models. Look at the looks.

I’ve said it for years but honestly, really?

It is 20-motherfucking-16.

Can more indie flavored shops start helping a fat bitch out?

I want my ass in some hot witchy attire that isn’t necessarily Ren Faire worthy (not that I don’t love that I do but come on, I need variety), I want to stop with this “Alt” culture that is really only pretending to be an alternative.

I mean can we agree that it’s far more radical if that’s your schitck to at least TRY to serve more people than those who are a size 0-8?

One one hand, I do follow a lot of shops on Etsy etc that do some really great occulty/witch bitch style clothes. However, a lot of those are OOAK (one of a kind) or hand made to order and I do not have enough money to be buying all that kind of thing. I want to take advantage of stuff being around.

And yes, I know how to find knock offs from stores in Asia and will occasionally take the risk. I know that yes, I could find tshirts that are big and baggy but available in sizes outside of that 0-8 type but that’s not what I want.

I want skater dresses/skirts that are longer than bum covers. If I want a bum cover (A beef many of my fellow Old Goths has had with, ahem, Lip Service)  I’ll buy a bum cover.

I want the flexibility in a garment that might be baggy on a very thin person and might be less baggy on a not thin person.

And nope let’s not blame the manufacturers. Let’s not blame fat folks for not buying.

Fat people will buy if it is available. I will do some free ass market research right now.

If you go to any basic fatty store, you’ll see a lot of expensive poly office wear and tents and shit.

Now if fat folks (and others who are not thin) will pay for that, we’ll pay for stuff with a real aesthetic. Even an Alt one.

Think I’m joking?

Take a poll on social media and spread the word. Ask if you made stuff or sought things in sizes L-above and watch the raised hands

The secret is, you can’t be like a lot of retailers and shove anyone over a size 10 into some weird we don’t want you seen in our clothes corner.

You have to do the work.

You have to make sure that the community knows you’re there.

If you feature customers, try featuring some who don’t look exactly like your professional models.

Put in the work. Reap the rewards.

You can feel like FUCK YES we did something good.

FUCK YES look at our mothafuckin bottom line!

I mean, come on y’all.

Okay, that’s it for now. I’m going to go back to fucking Hot Topic and maybe pick out a new dress. Or maybe I will try to trade my Dolls Kill gift card for someplace more welcoming of me and my ass.

AND I invite y’all to drop some links to dark, witchy stores that don’t only stock Chic Starr bullshit and have some flair and welcome my xl size ass.

And no for real follow Shop Tunnel Vision as linked above. I like them a lot and I’ve got a few things from them that were gifts and are awesome. Give them some love.

 

House of Weirdos.

Content Warning this is the first and only one.

There may likely be links in this post that you find creepy, disgusting, might give you nightmares. Continue this at your own peril.

No, I’m not showing anything, uh, terrible.

We’re gonna talk about how I dream about decorating my home and what I’m doing now.

Ahem.

Now I don’t have a lot of decoration happening in my apartment right now mainly because I had zero intention of living there as long as I have. I thought we’d have moved into someplace nicer by now but whatever.

What I have is a shelf full of skulls and a few other items.

Thing is, my aesthetic for home is mostly comprised of:

  • OH BONES!
  • TEETH!
  • WET SPECIMAN TAXIDERMY!
  • OMG FETAL TWO FACED PIGLET!
  • SHINY!
  • TREASURE BOXES!
  • VINTAGE BOOKS (SOME PORN, SOME SF/F)
  • OH CREEPY GIMME!

One of the problems I have with decoration is that I don’t even have furniture. I don’t know how to buy furniture. I’m almost 40 and the only brand new furniture I’ve ever had is my bed (that is in the worst kind of need to be replaced) and computer desks/equipment. It’s such a huge investment I dunno.

That said, I do fantasize and let me show you some of what I fantasize about. Let’s start slightly sedate with couches and shit.

I LOVE the aesthetics of Victorian style furniture, but it never looks comfortable.

Also shit like this, unf. In black, I mean COME ON. If I had a formal living room, this would be the shit.

I really like this and think I could chill out on it. Black, dark grey, those are my colors.

I want lots of dark, comfortable things. I want dark wood bookshelves because I own a fuckton of books.

Now for the decor?

Y’all.

I want things like this little fetal pig wet specimen piece. I mean..look it is SO fucking cute.

Also, I’d like to restart my collection of mounted bugs and stuff. I mean LOOK at this gorgeous giant scarab.

I want art. I’m SO into so many artists I just want art. I want to buy paintings and do things like commission an oil painting of Pyramid Head. I want full articulated skeletons. I want a taxidermied baby deer.

Recently I’ve discovered arty taxidermy. This artist, who does great gory/horror looking pieces. I also have a terrible love of sideshow/freakshow gaffs. I would LOVE an alligator boy.

What is always funny to me when I start thinking about these things is that really I don’t need all that. I’ve never had it or lived someplace where I have felt like I could put couches and art in it and feel like it is really home. I know that’s depressing as shit but that’s what it is.

It has been only in the last couple of years that I’ve even tried to think about what home actually might look and feel like to me. I’ve written about it a bit over here at Medium.

Lately, I’ve been sticking to the little things. My partner bought me an over the toilet shelving unit for my bathroom and I’ve gotten my vanity together. I have a shelf full of replica human skulls, a few shiny boxes. A giant Halloween decorative foam skull I attached fairy wings to.

I have faith I’ll figure it out.

But in the meantime, I will dream about an office full of bones, horror memorbilia, yarn, and other weird shit.